Wedding gift money

sillymoo2007

Hi not sure if this the right place to post this but I'm going to a wedding of a good friend and just wondered what is the standard financial donation. I'm single and going alone, unemployed and have all ready been on two hens one foreign and one at home, let alone the expense of hotel, something to wear, shoes, hairdresser before event actually takes place. Suggestions greatly appreciated I don't want to appear stingy as i'm not but I have already spent a lot.

im invisible

tree fiddy?

blindside88

My general rule is to at least cover the cost of inviting me, I'd say €100-€150

Vojera

I would have thought that about €50 would be enough. As you've mentioned, you've already spent a lot and your circumstances mean you're not exactly flush right now. If you wanted it to be less obvious how much you're spending, is there any gift you could buy instead?

dangerus06

i got married 2 yrs ago ,and a few of my friends were in ur situtation,1 friend gave myself and my hubby his and her mugs which we both love another gave us a picture frame that we use ,dont worry about giving them money get a small gift trust me they wont expect anything ,if my friends gave me money that i knew they could not afford it would have really upset me ,hope this helps

Here Comes The Trio

I'd be thinking the €50 kind of mark, that (almost) covers the (probable) cost of inviting you, they will be happy to have you there and it's a GIFT not a mandatory donation! As mentioned before, sentimental gifts can go down really well, so I'm sure you could pick up a meaningful present too
if you didn't want to splash any more cash. They should understand the circumstances, and are likely aware of your financial situation too and I'm sure the last thing they want is you declining or feeling under pressure about it at all....

Gatica

If you can't afford to give money, I'm sure your friends will understand. Getting a nice present that's on sale is a good way to "maximise" the gift, so to speak. It's the gesture that counts and I'm sure your friends will be just as delighted to get a gift.

However, I'm baffled that you're putting so much extra expense on yourself when you say you can't afford it. I can understand trying to wear something different to a wedding if you've been to a few already, but no one will be checking what shoes you're wearing or if you got your hair done. Also, personally I would prioritise going to someone's wedding than a foreign hen. Brides can't be expecting low-income guests to travel overseas for a hen in this day and age.

clint_silver

dangerus06 wrote: »

i got married 2 yrs ago ,and a few of my friends were in ur situtation,1 friend gave myself and my hubby his and her mugs which we both love another gave us a picture frame that we use ,dont worry about giving them money get a small gift trust me they wont expect anything ,if my friends gave me money that i knew they could not afford it would have really upset me ,hope this helps

this sums it up. I have no problem with someone saying they prefer cash as a present but also making it known theres no ROT on the amount as not everyone has means. Small meaningful gift is wonderful to get. get thee downstairs in arnotts for for just about anything meaningful.
I got married 12 years ago, cant remember who gave what except for 1 vase from an auntie and a really expensive wine opener that I still have. still think of the couple that gave that. I seen it in a shop in town for 40e the year after. well chuffed. I didnt think too much of it at the time but if that opener ever breaks Id be gutted.

Babooshka

clint_silver wrote: »

this sums it up. I have no problem with someone saying they prefer cash as a present but also making it known theres no ROT on the amount as not everyone has means. Small meaningful gift is wonderful to get. get thee downstairs in arnotts for for just about anything meaningful.
I got married 12 years ago, cant remember who gave what except for 1 vase from an auntie and a really expensive wine opener that I still have. still think of the couple that gave that. I seen it in a shop in town for 40e the year after. well chuffed. I didnt think too much of it at the time but if that opener ever breaks Id be gutted.

Yes but what if they have three wine openers as gifts already? This is why I don't like telling people not to give money. Not loads of money, but money is definitely better than a gift that may be duplicated and is rendered useless.

Years ago people had gift lists because it was the norm that they were only moving in together after marriage and therefore had a big list of stuff to get. Most people getting married these days have been living together for some time and already have everything they need. I can see where you're coming from but one man's meaningful is another man's junk. I'd rather get 50 Euro's than a vase when I already have 2 vases and don't need any more. Just my two cent, OP.

clint_silver

Babooshka wrote: »

Yes but what if they have three wine openers as gifts already? This is why I don't like telling people not to give money. Not loads of money, but money is definitely better than a gift that may be duplicated and is rendered useless.

Years ago people had gift lists because it was the norm that they were only moving in together after marriage and therefore had a big list of stuff to get. Most people getting married these days have been living together for some time and already have everything they need. I can see where you're coming from but one man's meaningful is another man's junk. I'd rather get 50 Euro's than a vase when I already have 2 vases and don't need any more. Just my two cent, OP.

I got 2 Office Fans. you know the ones you press the button on and goes round.



2 of them!! From different people who wouldnt know each other. I opened one and burst out laughing, when i got the other one all wrapped up in a same size present I thought to myself no way but sure enough there was the same fan. Whenever I meet those people I still remember they gave us the fans and smile. Thats worth more then 50e to me.

evilmonkee

Babooshka wrote: »

one man's meaningful is another man's junk. I'd rather get 50 Euro's than a vase when I already have 2 vases and don't need any more.

i think the above is very true, but I can also see that people may not be comfortable giving money.

Perhaps a compromise would be a very personal gift, for example a framed picture of the couple.
Or something like a voucher for a meal; you can often get these discounted on various deal websites.
Disclaimer: I have only ever bought one of these , we used it ourselves and it was brilliant with no limitations placed on us! Others seem to have different experiences so maybe I was lucky! Proceed with caution!

Another idea (that is common in my circle) is that people will pool their money to buy an expensive gift, a voucher for a weekend break away is pretty cheap when split between a number of people. That way a non-monitary gift is given but the couple doesnt get a fifth toaster.

pwurple

evilmonkee wrote: »

Or something like a voucher for a meal; you can often get these discounted on various deal websites.

Oh sweet jesus, don't give someone a groupon voucher as a wedding present. The terms are so limited, they won't use it.

Babooshka

clint_silver wrote: »

I got 2 Office Fans. you know the ones you press the button on and goes round.



2 of them!! From different people who wouldnt know each other. I opened one and burst out laughing, when i got the other one all wrapped up in a same size present I thought to myself no way but sure enough there was the same fan. Whenever I meet those people I still remember they gave us the fans and smile. Thats worth more then 50e to me.

Great for you! Yes, I have one...I don't need another one, so one as a wedding present wouldn't make me smile. There's no accounting for taste (or sense of humour for that matter...are you sure they weren't pulling the p****)

Anyway yes, there's no accounting for tastes, and evilmonkee I don't really get why people feel uncomfortable putting a few squid in a card either, you don't hear the bride and groom saying "I feel kinda uncomfortable shelling out 60 euros a head for everyone's meal"...? You don't have a wedding to get stuff you do it because you love each other, they cost a lot, and most people save/have a nest egg when the time comes around to do it and they don't put down "cash only please" etc. Gifts for weekends away etc like you suggested..well, maybe, but what if it has to be used by a certain time and they've just come back from honeymoon etc....

I just don't see the logic in forcing either your taste, or your conditions onto people as their gift. Any couple I know who got twenty euro in a card were way happier than getting candlesticks (desk fans or insert any other sundry item in here) ...there is just no accounting for taste, you think you got it right, nine times out of ten, you don't. But vouchers are a nice alternative.

Op there is no financial minimum put twenty quid in a card and leave it at that if you want....just my opinion again but there you go. Totally agree with pwurple about those groupon yokes too!

XxMCRxBabyxX

Babooshka wrote: »

I don't really get why people feel uncomfortable putting a few squid in a card either

It can be uncomfortable for those who don't have huge means because €20 in a card can look a lot worse than a gift that may be worth the same amount. I know people always say that they don't care what is given but it can be the giver's personal opinion that's the problem. That's where the uncomfortableness comes in. The fear of looking 'cheap'.

I went to a wedding in England last summer and I didn't have a huge budget after all the expenses of getting there but instead of putting a measly (in my opinion) £20 into a card I got the couple a present of siilar value that I felt had significance for them. Maybe they hated it but I still felt happier giving them that than taking the risk of looking very cheap next to other monetary gifts that the couple would have received.

We've all heard the stories (or even seen posts on here!) about people giving out about others not giving "enough" money.

eh i dunno

Keep an eye on bargain alerts here and when you see any thing gift like heavily reduced buy it and it will look more expensive than it actually was

RickyBobby1

I think money definently,€70 would be generous.Weddings are very expensive and I know a lot of couples getting married are hoping for money as gifts to cover the cost.I don't know the situation with the foreign hen which I think It's ridiculous but personally I would give that a miss.Surely the bride to be would understand!

Ever2010

You could just give a card with a lovely message. Or perhaps a plant or tree that they can put in the garden to be reminded of their wedding day?

We're getting married in a few months and have asked people not to give us presents/money as there is no need. We feel that weddings can be expensive enough for people without the added pressure of a present.

April O Neill

sillymoo2007 wrote: »

Hi not sure if this the right place to post this but I'm going to a wedding of a good friend and just wondered what is the standard financial donation. I'm single and going alone, unemployed and have all ready been on two hens one foreign and one at home, let alone the expense of hotel, something to wear, shoes, hairdresser before event actually takes place. Suggestions greatly appreciated I don't want to appear stingy as i'm not but I have already spent a lot.

50 euro is grand. Do your own hair, wear something you already own. Sorted. :cool:

April O Neill

Babooshka wrote: »

Great for you! Yes, I have one...I don't need another one, so one as a wedding present wouldn't make me smile.

Lighten up! You know there's no requirement to give anything, it's a gift?

OKvintage

I know loads of people who got restaurant vouchers for around 50 quid that they really appreciated! It meant guaranteed dates after the honeymoon when money might be a bit tighter!! Nice for newly weds. I'd say a restaurant voucher to a nice place (not an overally pricely place where they'll need to add 100+ quid) for around 70 quid is nice and if you're set on cash 70-100 quid. IMHO.

Babooshka

April O Neill wrote: »

Lighten up! You know there's no requirement to give anything, it's a gift?

I'm sure it makes you feel good dishing out advice to cyber people you never met, but I'm lightened up already, thanks anyway.

I know there's no requirement at all and I expect nothing of my guests. But if I was to write a wish list of gifts, a desk fan wouldn't be my top one or make me smile, which is the post I was replying to, so please stop removing one thing I said and taking it out of context. Go ahead...call me a bridezilla for not wanting a desk fan. :rolleyes:

eviltwin

If the couple are good friends they will know you situation and understand. Most of our guests came from overseas to our wedding and with that in mind we insisted they didn't bring any gifts, just being able to have them there was enough. We don't look back on our day in terms of what we got vs what we didn't, I couldn't tell you now who gave what but I would have felt awful anyone getting into financial problems for me.

Babooshka

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

It can be uncomfortable for those who don't have huge means because €20 in a card can look a lot worse than a gift that may be worth the same amount. I know people always say that they don't care what is given but it can be the giver's personal opinion that's the problem. That's where the uncomfortableness comes in. The fear of looking 'cheap'.

I went to a wedding in England last summer and I didn't have a huge budget after all the expenses of getting there but instead of putting a measly (in my opinion) £20 into a card I got the couple a present of siilar value that I felt had significance for them. Maybe they hated it but I still felt happier giving them that than taking the risk of looking very cheap next to other monetary gifts that the couple would have received.

We've all heard the stories (or even seen posts on here!) about people giving out about others not giving "enough" money.

That's fair enough (in your opinion it's measly). I don't think €20 or pounds is measly as I would take anything given with good grace... except desk fans, but we've had this now too many times in the thread already Anyone who posts threads bemoaning getting small amounts of money, well....I wouldn't fancy being at their wedding in the first place and would say they married for the wrong reasons or else they deserve each other.

jkrowling

The norm we would give as a couple is €150 and I feel that's enough to cover the cost of having us. If it's very close friends or family obviously we would give a little more. Personally if I was going on my own I would give around €70.

You must be a close friend if you've gone to both hens so although financially you're not flush at present it would be nice to give a meaningful gift. Weddings can be quite stressful and a voucher for their favorite restaurant or a night in a hotel would be a very welcome gift. Loads of hotels have great deals on now and you could easily get 1 night B&B for €50 or likewise a nice meal for the same.

You're friend will understand your financial situation but also most couples give people a year + notice for a wedding which is plenty of time to be putting money by?

elhal

For me Id prefer if someone gave money or even donated to a charity as I would hate for them to waste their money on something i dont need or like and the it will be left in a cupboard forever. For my wedding, if anyone asks, i say dont waste you money on gifts, or donate to a charity. Failing that some sort of alcohol will never go to waste!

Clareman

If money is tight then do something sentimental, as others have said there's lots of things you can do, from frames, to "useful stuff", to memorial stuff.

I think it's important to remember that you don't do the present on the day of the wedding, you could take loads of photos of their wedding day, do them up as a collage of photos or something like that, get it printed and put it in a frame, have it ready for them by the time they return from honeymoon. Another idea could be to find out where they are going on honeymoon and have something lined up for them there, €50 might be worth a whole lot more there than it is here, something like a bottle of champagne to their room with a note from you, something like that.

April O Neill

jkrowling wrote: »

but also most couples give people a year + notice for a wedding which is plenty of time to be putting money by?

There are many other, more important things in life that require money putting by for. And unforeseen things can happen, even if you have been putting money by, that might require you to dip into that wedding fund.

sillymoo2007

Thanks everybody for thoughts and suggestions. A group of us are pooling the money and giving the couple a holiday voucher for a travel agent, as after spending money on the wedding they can't afford a honeymoon straight after the big day. Thanks again.

Gatica

jkrowling wrote: »

most couples give people a year + notice for a wedding which is plenty of time to be putting money by?

April O Neill wrote: »

There are many other, more important things in life that require money putting by for. And unforeseen things can happen, even if you have been putting money by, that might require you to dip into that wedding fund.

I agree with April. A wedding may be the most important event of the year for the couple, certainly not for the guests though.
We had 3 weddings to go to last year, 3 more this year, plus our own. We had plenty of thing we could've been saving for ourselves rather than someone else's wedding. They are our friends though and we were delighted to go and are lucky enough to be able to afford to give reasonable gifts.
Other friends had 19 weddings they were invited to last year! They went to 13, including our own. It really put their attendance at ours in perspective for us.



PS: that sounds like a wonderful gift!

funsize

If they have a garden, then a tree is a nice option. As said above already, a lot of couples have already been living together and have everything they need. A nice tree will cost you about 70 euro including a post and supports. Cherry blossom is lovely.

They can plant it and have it for years, always thinking of you and their wedding day when they look at it, or if they hate it they can pretend that it died. Either way, you won't look cheap.

If you want to go cash in card option, I'd say minimum 50 euro. I usually go 100 if going alone or 150 if I bring a plus one. Just my opinion, feel free to disagree but I think a 20 looks cheap.

Perfect Ring

About 75-100 euro i would say

ABajaninCork

Didn't the OP say she was unemployed?? Why people are suggesting E50 and up, I have no clue. It's beyond ridiculous...

OP - as you've already spent money you can't really afford, I'd just give E20 in a card and leave it at that. If the bride was a good friend, then I'm sure she'd understand.

sillymoo2007

The wedding is over now and they loved the holiday voucher see previous post.

missgroovy21

If money is a problem then a token gift is fine. Lots of shops have presents (and nice ones) for 15-20e.....thats enough

gaeilgebeo

If you're really really good friend is getting married, surely you know about it for months. I would try save €5 a week for 5 or 6 months and give a decent present.