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Should I push him?

  • 12-03-2013 2:11pm
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭

    My boy is almost 12 and has been in a drama class for a few years now. He loves singing and dancing and gets such a buzz when he's onstage, that I've always encouraged him to stick with it. He's quite a 'boys' boy if that makes sense, and also plays soccer and GAA.

    Anyway, lately he's more and more reluctant to go to his drama/dance group. They have a big show coming up soon and he has one of the lead roles - so I have been pushing him to stick with it until at least July(till the show is over) and we'll talk about it then.

    On Friday, he had a major melt down and told me the boys on the road call him gay because he goes etc.. He says he still loves it, but feels he doesn't want to go anymore.

    On the one hand, I don't want to drag him along to this place kicking and screaming and I know he is coming close to his teens and finding other interests. I also don't want to waste the money on it each week, when he's not enjoying it anymore.
    On the other hand, I really want to ensure that he doesn't let the rest of the group down by leaving now....what would you do?

    Btw, while he loves it and gives it his all, I doubt he'll ever make a million out of it!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,391 ✭✭✭Justask

    Ah such a shame. I wouldn't push him but encourage him as your doing.

    Watch Billy Elliot together if you've not done. I always thought of that movie to show 2 fingers up to the people who dont think itd 'cool' or 'gay'

    Best of luck :)

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,252 ✭✭✭echo beach

    On the other hand, I really want to ensure that he doesn't let the rest of the group down by leaving now....

    This is the key point. Explain to your son that by accepting the role he made a commitment and he has to see it through to the end. The same would apply if he was on a football team or whatever. It is important for young people to understand that they can't drop things in the middle especially when other people are involved. As soon as the show is over you will discuss it but until then it is off the agenda.

    He can tell his pals that his parents are making him go, maybe because the money has been paid in advance. They may even have a little sympathy for him with such 'pushy' parents. I wouldn't worry about their use of the word 'gay'. Teenagers use it in a mildly mocking way rather than to mean homosexual. This sound like normal teasing and he should be able to deal with it himself. If it turns into bullying you may have to get involved but stand back for now and see how it evolves.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,659 ✭✭✭CrazyRabbit

    Tell him that he can't spend his life doing things, or not doing things to make bullies happy. There will always be bullies, and they aren't worth pleasing. The bullies would love nothing more than to see that they have affected him so badly. So the best way to 'beat' them is to continue with his drama group.

    He should be very proud of his talent and the work he has put into it. And he shouldn't allow a bunch of scum to get in the way of his happiness.

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,217 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    Agree with a above, he needs better friends, they sound like the kind of scummy kids whose only interest in the next few years will be getting drunk with cheap cider. If these kids end up "raising him" they might affect his school results later or kill his ambition if they want to bring him down to their level.
    It sounds like a fantastic character development activity and would only let hime drop it if its relaced with something equally good, after he has done the show

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    I would agree with the above post.
    Your son needs to stand up to these lads.
    Why should he give up something he likes and is good at to suit a few lads who would never do something like this. I feel in the next few years these will be the lads who will going missing from school and if your son has any ambition they will will bring him down to there level.
    I would also be trying get your son away from these lads as much as possible.
    Will he be going to the same secondary school as these lads or a different school.
    I would be encouraging him to go to a different school.

    I know a lad of the same age as your son. He had a choice of 3 secondary schools that he could go to. He went and had a look at all the schools. He said to his parents I want to go here due to the fact I could do well here and I like the extra activities in the school.
    The other boys in his class are mainly going to 2 other schools. He is glad to be getting away from the other lads as he was getting the same type of thing as your son is getting.
    I have seen a number of bright lads end up doing very poor in secondary school as they have friends who have no ambition in themselves.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 116 ✭✭spud65

    i coach hurling for u14s an two week ago at training i told the lads we had a match coming up an i asked was everyone available, an 1 of the lads put his hand up an said he was playing in a jazz concert the same time, the lads started tellin him to play the match instead, an he said his parents we making him do it so the others left it at that, gave him a lift home and i asked him what kind of music he like to play if he didn't like jazz an he told me he loved playing jazz but would not say that to the other lads. so the other kids think he's got the worst parents in the world but in reality he's doing something he loves.

    so a little fib works wonders.

    and i changed the time of the match :D so he was able to do both, an he's going on the county development squad in a weeks time

  • Registered Users Posts: 747 ✭✭✭qwertytlk

    Id actually encourage him to stick with it, stand up to these stupid bullies and not let them determine what he does an doesn't do, depending on what they think is gay that week. I mean he admitted he still really enjoyed it so why should he stop doing something he enjoys and is clearly good at (getting a lead role!) because some idiots said It was gay!

    If he is determined to stop then try and at least get him to stick it out until he has fulfilled the commitment he made by accecpiting the lead role. Explain how he would be letting them down etc.

    And if he does decide to ignore the kids who are trying to put him off and he stays with it just remind him not to tell them about it, then they can't slag him off!