What age did you realise that you were gay?

will.i.am

What age did you realise that you were gay?

Ambersky

Crikey if the oldest choice is 21+ and many of my friends didn't come out untill their 30s 40s and 50s I guess that shows how things have changed to an expectation of coming out younger.
Or maybe it just reflects the youth of posters on this forum.

Annasopra

Ambersky wrote: »

Crikey if the oldest choice is 21+ and many of my friends didn't come out untill their 30s 40s and 50s I guess that shows how things have changed to an expectation of coming out younger.
Or maybe it just reflects the youth of posters on this forum.

I think belongtos research showed that people come out generally now around 16 but some are coming out at 14

DazMarz

I'm bi (if that counts).

When I was 13 or so, whenever your hormones properly come out to play, I started noticing girls and so on. But I also found myself noticing certain guys too. I didn't think much of it, and tried to ignore it. I tended to try and focus only on girls for a while, but couldn't resist sometimes "checking out" guys too.

Obviously, this caused me a good bit of distress and wondering (at the time, quite horrified) if I was gay. When you're 13 or 14, the biggest insult you can sling at another 14 year old guy is "You're gay/queer/a f*ggot/a poof". Homosexuality is a source of puerile fun for teenage boys, and I tried to repress and hide my true feelings.

By the time I was 15, I was pretty much sure that I was gay. While I did have an interest in girls (had girlfriends and one night stands with girls and so on), I felt much stronger towards guys. At the time, bear in mind I was a scared teenager, I hated this aspect of myself. I just wanted to be "normal" (what a horrible word in this context).

So I hid it. I buried it deep down, hoping that I would be able to change as I grew through puberty and that I would "normalise" as I neared 18 or 19. But, obviously, this never happened. For a long time, I was very convinced I was gay. But I know now that I'm bi.

I wasn't able to admit it to anyone else (and to myself) until I was 23. Since then, I've told a good few people. I'm not out to everyone, because I fear the reaction of some people.

But it was such a relief that after 8 years of hiding it, fearing it and wondering what if... I was able to start to be myself and to try and integrate it into my life.

fkt

12 but I was bi then. Probably 17 I realised I was a proper homo

arbitrary constant

As a teenager I felt pretty much asexual. I noticed girls that I thought were really pretty, and probably would have gone out with them if they were ever interested, but I don't think it would have gone so well. I did notice guys who were good looking but I mostly felt jealous of them; I guess subconsciously I did fancy them but I just thought it was envy, because I knew that liking other boys wasn't what I was "supposed to do".

When I got to uni I felt differently; I still thought I liked girls but had started to notice guys more. I identified as bisexual but only disclosed this to a few people. I signed up with the LGBT but didn't have the courage to go to any events until the second half of my final year.

Now, at the grand old age of 23, I somewhat reluctantly identify as gay. I still notice women that are stunningly beautiful and would love to get to know them more, even date them...but there's no real sexual attraction. Whereas I definitely am attracted to guys (not that any of them ever feel attracted to me or anything! FML etc.)

floggg

Ambersky wrote: »

Crikey if the oldest choice is 21+ and many of my friends didn't come out untill their 30s 40s and 50s I guess that shows how things have changed to an expectation of coming out younger.
Or maybe it just reflects the youth of posters on this forum.

The age you realise you're gay and the age you come out wont necessarily be the same...

Ambersky

Thats great though. Even if people are now just generally realising it earlier and are no longer so blocked off from themselves it really shows things are getting better.

Davyhal

I remember checking out guys when I was still very young, under 10 I would say (I was an early bloomer!), didn't act on it til I was 17, but I was in denial about it until I was 20-21 I'd say.

Rick_

I knew when I was around 12 and starting secondary education but didn't tell anyone until I was around 18-19 (I think!)

I never struggled with it, and never wished I was straight. I just thought that it was completely normal, some guys like girls and some guys like guys.

Hell, I was 21 before I ever kissed a guy for the first time though, and it was a year or so after that before I did anything else!

Medusa22

I was actually quite young, maybe 8 or so when I started to think about girls in a sexual way, but I also thought about boys.

I thought that I must be a lesbian because I thought about girls and I was terrified and vowed to hide it and never tell anyone.

As I became a teenager I realised that I was attracted to both sexes and at about 15 or so I realised that I am actually bi. I am now 24 and very sure that I am bi!

chris2008x

10 when I had my first boyfriend 13 when I had my first girlfriend. Bi since.

Paramite Pie

DazMarz wrote: »

I'm bi (if that counts).

When I was 13 or so, whenever your hormones properly come out to play, I started noticing girls and so on. But I also found myself noticing certain guys too. I didn't think much of it, and tried to ignore it. I tended to try and focus only on girls for a while, but couldn't resist sometimes "checking out" guys too.

Obviously, this caused me a good bit of distress and wondering (at the time, quite horrified) if I was gay. When you're 13 or 14, the biggest insult you can sling at another 14 year old guy is "You're gay/queer/a f*ggot/a poof". Homosexuality is a source of puerile fun for teenage boys, and I tried to repress and hide my true feelings.

By the time I was 15, I was pretty much sure that I was gay. While I did have an interest in girls (had girlfriends and one night stands with girls and so on), I felt much stronger towards guys. At the time, bear in mind I was a scared teenager, I hated this aspect of myself. I just wanted to be "normal" (what a horrible word in this context).

So I hid it. I buried it deep down, hoping that I would be able to change as I grew through puberty and that I would "normalise" as I neared 18 or 19. But, obviously, this never happened. For a long time, I was very convinced I was gay. But I know now that I'm bi.

I wasn't able to admit it to anyone else (and to myself) until I was 23. Since then, I've told a good few people. I'm not out to everyone, because I fear the reaction of some people.

But it was such a relief that after 8 years of hiding it, fearing it and wondering what if... I was able to start to be myself and to try and integrate it into my life.

Dude! You just told my life story only I admitted it to some friends at the age of 20...

Anyone else feel they lost out on their teen years from being bundled up in the closet? I was miserable and shoulda enjoyed my youth... guess that's easy to say now

Davyhal

Paramite Pie wrote: »

Dude! You just told my life story only I admitted it to some friends at the age of 20...

Anyone else feel they lost out on their teen years from being bundled up in the closet? I was miserable and shoulda enjoyed my youth... guess that's easy to say now

I see lads now of 18/19/20 in the pub, out with all their friends, and not a bother amoungst any of them that one of them is gay. See this a lot in my local. I am jealous at times of that. At that age, i thought my world would end if anyone found out that I liked guys. At the same time though, I see the friends that I made during that time, some of which I met through girlfriends, and i wonder if circumstances had been different, such as me being out, would i ever have met those friends etc....

Ah well, overall I am happy how things turned out

mnlad

i think i was around 13~14 i remember taking a huge interest in lads at school, same thing denied beat myself up its a phase etc, acted on it in college around 19 liked it but wouldnt let myself like it so continued in denial till last year when i was nearing my 26th bithday!! said enough is enough feeling down and nothing to fear or be in denial about and luckily met a great guy and were still together 8 months later, which i think came at right time because personnally if i went down the nsa route i would have relapsed into denial.

KDII

I think there was definitely always a sense that I felt differently about the opposite sex to most of my peers but I could never put my finger on what it was. I was such a tomboy when I was younger, I think I just thought I didn't fit in with the whole "girly" mating ritual of a younger teenager. I was almost more content beating the boys at sports than going out with them. I remember fancying teachers in secondary school and knowing well enough to keep it under my hat and that everyone didn't have the same feelings I did. I knew when I met my girlfriend at about the age of 19. I had experienced the uneasy kind of feeling for most of my life before that.

Xevkin

I vaguely remember not being attracted to girls around the age of 12 or 13, and at the same time realizing I was gay...it was odd, as I don't remember being particularly attracted to guys I knew or saw, but a year or so later and I was definitely paying attention to guys in my school. Didn't have much of problem with it, apart from the initial two weeks when I tried fantasising about girls...didn't work at all though!

Aurongroove

I remember as youung teen knowing something was up so I 'checked' if I was gay or not by looking at a lovely pictures of some boy band and some girl band. (it might've been Blue and Destinies child? lol)

I decided that the girl band looked prettier, especially Beyonce and thus 'phew' I wasn't gay.
With retrospect it was so comically naive. There wasn't any sort of 'sexual awareness' in my findings and it was just that the girl band looked prettier as I understand prettiness to be.
It was like something Butters from South Park might've done.

chris2008x

Aurongroove wrote: »

I remember as youung teen knowing something was up so I 'checked' if I was gay or not by looking at a lovely pictures of some boy band and some girl band. (it might've been Blue and Destinies child? lol)

I decided that the girl band looked prettier, especially Beyonce and thus 'phew' I wasn't gay.
With retrospect it was so comically naive. There wasn't any sort of 'sexual awareness' in my findings and it was just that the girl band looked prettier as I understand prettiness to be.
It was like something Butters from South Park might've done.

Reminds me of when I was about 8 or 9 and remember that Aaron Carter guy. Awful awful singer but anyway my sisters had posters of him all over their walls he looked really cute. Look how much a douche and stoner he turned out to be. Also Zac Hanson he looked really cute too.

Killer_banana

Not a fan of labels but if I have ot use one I'd got for bi or pansexual.

I realised when I was fifteen and came out to most of my friends shortly after. Looking back I had been attracted to women/girls all my life but was so naive I didn't realise that was what it was. I never had a problem with the idea of not being straight, it just never entered my head that that might be the case. I did worry for some time my parents would not be okay with it since they are fairly religious but they didn't care at all. I've never really had any blatantly negative reactions to my sexuality (although I have had people who do not seem to understand). I guess I'm just ridiculously lucky.

Goodshape

I remember having crushes on a couple of guys in 5th or 6th class, and trying and failing to see what everyone else was seeing in "the legs on yer wan" etc. At the time I just thought that would all sort itself out eventually and I'd be "normal" like everyone else.

I was around 17 before I admitted to myself that my sexuality wasn't just going to "sort itself out", and 21 before I uttered the words aloud or did anything about it.

Definitely a bit envious of those who manage to come out earlier . In a good way, though. It's great to see.

Aurongroove

chris2008x wrote: »

Reminds me of when I was about 8 or 9 and remember that Aaron Carter guy. Awful awful singer but anyway my sisters had posters of him all over their walls he looked really cute. Look how much a douche and stoner he turned out to be. Also Zac Hanson he looked really cute too.

Those types never did anything for me, even at that age. They still didn't as I grew mind, but now that I'm coming up to my 30s it'd be increasingly more odd if they did anyways. So 'no loss' I suppose.

Daith

Yeah about 13/14 too. Hottest guy in the school used to sit beside during biology (of all things). He used to copy my answers and boy did I let him. I met him last year and he still looks gorgeous and still makes me weak.

Phareon

Was also fairly asexual in my early teens (or maybe never acknowledged that I liked anyone), then there was this girl I fell pretty hard for, and also a guy around the same time, so I decided I was bi at about 15. Through leaving cert I started to notice girls less, and last year in college I came out properly as gay. I've been really depressed and uncertain about everything sexuality related for like forever, but recently realised that it's actually a gender thing, so not really sure if I can call myself 'gay' any more. For now I think queer describes me well So I've basically been through it all haha ^_^

mr.anonymous

I think I was called gay for a while before I actually realised I was. It was in the second half of 6th class that I remember thinking I'm gay.

But the more I think back, I always would prefer to look at a man's [insert appropriate slang word here ] than at a woman . It's just always been the way I think.

I went through the usual - trying to be attracted to girls, thinking it was just a phase, thinking that if I got married to the right woman, settled down and had kids that I'd stop being attracted to men.

Like Paramite Pie said, I feel like I lost out on my teen years because of being gay.

When I actually stood in front of another human being and told her I was gay back in August, it was like that horrible chapter in my life was brought to an end.

When I went in to a corner with a lad for 2.5 hours one night in Wilde, that was confirmation. Nothing ever felt so right!

alcof89

I think the results of the poll are quite misleading for the following reason. 100% of people question their sexuality going through puberty etc. However, I think 11-12 is too young for somebody to be 100% sure that they have an interest in one sex, and no other... In a nut shell; though I knew I liked guys at a young age, I assumed I would grow out of it, and therefore was not sure that I was gay; just curious.

Daith

alcof89 wrote: »

I think the results of the poll are quite misleading for the following reason. 100% of people question their sexuality going through puberty etc. However, I think 11-12 is too young for somebody to be 100% sure that they have an interest in one sex, and no other... In a nut shell; though I knew I liked guys at a young age, I assumed I would grow out of it, and therefore was not sure that I was gay; just curious.

I'm fairly sure I had no interest in girls when I was 14. I wasn't curious. I was more denying my sexuality

alcof89

Daith wrote: »

I'm fairly sure I had no interest in girls when I was 14. I wasn't curious. I was more denying my sexuality

33% under 12 though... Not sure if there i THAT many in that position...

ewan whose army

I knew I like boys when I was 13, it took me 9 years to actually come out

Tainor

Well actually this is a very hard topic for me to talk about.

I guess I've always known I liked boys, even back when I was 6 or so, had a more affinity for guys than girls.

I truly realised I liked boys at around the age of 12-13 and it horrified me, even to this day I have repressed memories from that time.
I remember being overly depressed and wishing it not real. I remember a lot of fear, crying and depression...a kid who is 12/13? I think I was suicidal as well... Somehow after weeks/months don't remember honestly...I remember forgetting a jacket at school, and I needed to walk back to my school and collect it, and I must have subconsciously repressed my feelings, as I remember saying to myself that this can be turned off and I was better now. I guess I repressed my feelings and memories from that time to a great extend.

Fast-forwarding to when I was 16 I realised that my feelings came back and that I was not straight, but gay. After 1 year of depression, fear and anxiety I finally accepted myself as a gay person. Couple of months later I met the most amazing and important person in my life, who made me feel so much better and re-assured in who I was.

So yea, it was a very hard and tough journey for me to realise I was a gay, but looking back on what happened, I guess it shaped me into who I am now and definitely a much stronger, and level headed person.

playedalive

I can't really put a proper age on it, but it was definitely when I was around 14 or 15, when I had an 'interest' in rugby/noticed guys. I also liked looking at the page 3 girls in the Star and those newspapers. So, those years were very confusing yet interesting for me. Then, I had developed a lot of family/school problems, fell out with my Dad and developed anxiety and depression disorders. In reality, I just kept my sexuality in my head until my final year of college. During that time, I was just trying to live from day to day as I was constantly trying to manage my anxiety and depression (as well as a fairly demanding college degree) with a lot of difficulty.

So, it wasn't until I was 21 that I decided to accept that I was more or less bisexual or sexually fluid. A year later, I came out to all my nearest and dearest.Like everybody else, it would have been great to come to terms with it while in college. But, I really didn't have the mental space to do it. Onwards and upwards!

Gorgossium

At 14 I thought I was bisexual and then last year at the age of 20 I realised that what I am is called Pansexual. My mother didn't realise she was gay until she was 30 years old and had 2 kids xD

cartell_best

I was in Primary school, 6th class about to go to secondary school. Things were a lot different then than now. It was late 1983/early 1984 when something happened that at the time, being the age I was, didn't seem overly strange in any but natural and somewhat different from a lot of the lads I was in school with. I couldn't understand it but I new something was different. We had what we called a "hall" where we did PE and such. It wasn't a hall in the modern sense of the word. I was only a few months away from making my confirmation and to be honest, I didn't even know Gay existed, or had an understanding of what "Gay" was.

I sat across that hall and saw a lad, from fifth class and I just had new feelings/emotions. I knew then that something was different from me. If I knew about being Gay or that such a feeling was possible, as it is in the world of today, who knows. I'm proud to be able to remember when I first noticed I was that little wee bit different.

PeteK*

I'd say early teens, then at about sixteen I was trying to accept it.. then came out at 19. :O

balderdash23

I'm 23 and a closet bi (with a preference for lads), dunno should I be calling myself gay or bi. Bi makes me feel better I suppose. It started for me when I was 15 and 16. As far back as trying to get a quick shot of my friends cocks through their jocks as we were changing for GAA training. I still do it! Used to get me down, but now I just get on with it cos I've accepted it.

Killer_banana

balderdash23 wrote: »

I'm 23 and a closet bi (with a preference for lads), dunno should I be calling myself gay or bi. Bi makes me feel better I suppose. It started for me when I was 15 and 16. As far back as trying to get a quick shot of my friends cocks through their jocks as we were changing for GAA training. I still do it! Used to get me down, but now I just get on with it cos I've accepted it.

We define labels, labels don't define us. Basically, call yourself whatever you want. I prefer not to use a label at all when I can.

dahylandert

My story was that i had a few fantasies about guys when i was 15/16, mostly one guy in particular but didnt think much of it as i was interested in girls more so just continued down that route and didnt think about guys again until about 22 when i started to notice guys alot more.
I was in a relationship at this point and didnt do anything more and accepted i was attracted to guys as well as girls.
i married that girl when i was 28 and was happy to settle down with her as i had never done anything with guys and was more attracted to her than any guy.Over the last year or two i still thought about guys as i had since i was 22 but over the last 6 months, the feeling has got an awful lot stronger and i believe now that i am possibly gay.

Steve!

I think I knew when I was about 14/15 but I didn't actually accept it myself until I was 17. Flashforward to when I was 19 and just after starting college and I came out to everyone in the space of a week.

So, I think there's stages in the realisation.

pauliebdub

I was about ten when I started feeling attracted to other boys and men, i remember it vividly but found it very alarming at the time and was very unhappy with it throughout my teenage years. I guess i didn't want to be different from my peers. I think i was about 27 before i fully accepted it.