The Boring One!

theboringone

Hi everyone,

I just joined today to ask for some advice or maybe for people to share similar experiences!

I am in my mid twenties and stopped drinking around this time last year for numerous reasons but mainly becuase I was sick of wasting life with a hangover and I was sick to death of all of the drama that comes with a night out :P
Anyway, since I made my decision to stop drinking I feel very distant from my friends. I find it hard to get them to meet up maybe for a coffee or something, they only want to socialise whilst in the pub or club. I've tried so many times to do something not involving alcohol but it's only happened once or twice and when we do the conversation usually revolves around my choice not to drink and what they got up to on Sat night.

Initially I went along to the pubs and clubs and had fun but still felt left out (my own doing, I know) but lately I find that I'm just not enjoying being in those environments... it's loud, you can't chat and when people get very drunk I get anxious so I end up leaving early, after being called a bore or similar for leaving (hence the username )

They still invite me out whenever they are going out, which I appreciate but when I decline or do go and have a coke, I constantly get asked why I'm not drinking and am constantly pressured into having 'just one'.

I feel like I am loosing my friends and have no connection with them anymore because I'm not on the same level. I prefer to go to galleries or go out for the day nowadays whereas they want the opposite I suppose.

I undersand that I am slightly different, in that they see the sober me rather than the drunk me alot more lately but that doesn't affect who I am at the core.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Is there anyway to find a happy medium, where everyone is happy?! I would love to hear other peoples views on this.

Sunnyisland

Hi Thenotsoboringone;) Probably not answering your question directly but may help you somewhat.

When people for what ever reason stop drinking alcohol it means changing the way you live life and your outlook on life.If life without alcohol occasionally makes you feel frustrated,lonely,bored, angry you are not alone, many people who have succeeded in giving up alcohol felt like this at first,

The solution is not to fight the feeling, but to change your life, This means focusing on the positive things that give you more health,vitality and enjoyment for the things you choose to do,developing a positive plan of action is the first all important step.

Happy sobriety does feel good,even though it may include short term discomfort or temporary boredom.The long run tendency of sobriety is toward having peace of mind,feeling good about ourselves and using our talents and opportunities wisely.This is the mature way to feel good,but we achieve it only by thinking and acting in the right ways.:) Nothing changes if nothing changes.

GRMA

I could have wrote that myself OP I'm in the exact same boat. Its hard to get my friends to do stuff that doesn't involve drink, to just hang out basically.

I've gone off pubs and clubs because quite frankly they tend to be sh!t sober. Its ok now and again but I couldn't keep going out as much as I used to (every weekend at least). Very tempting to drink when I do go out too so I tend not to now.

I haven't found a solution OP I've drifted away from a lot of my friends - I see now that they weren't really my friends but merely drinking buddies. There's only a handful now where both of us actually make time to hang out, to watch a football match, go to a gig etc

Might be an idea to get some new friends OP, thats what I've been trying to do. I've started to go to a lot of galleries, talks, debates etc and I've met some new people, nice people, but most tend to be a good bit older so I dont have much in common with them

At our age OP its time to get serious about our lives, to get on a decent track for the rest of it - get into shape, develop healthy habits etc. Its a new lifestyle - that involves leaving behind some parts of the old one, but its worth the price.

theboringone

Hi realies,

Thanks for your reply! It's nice to know that other people have felt like this when they decided to give up drink and that I'm not on my own and there is light at the end of the tunnel! I feel exactly as you said, frustrated, lonely and bored! I am going to take your advice and plough my energy into new hobbies and activities and hopefully meet likeminded people who don't make me feel like a loon for not drinking! It's a massive transitional period in my life defiantly but nothing would make me drink again, even with all the crap and judgment I get, I am so much happier and finding the real me. I hate being judged for it, I don't judge people for drinking, only when they're acting like twats, so I expect the same from them. One year later and I'm still being constantly asked "still off the drink eh?" yes, yes I am!!

I totally agree, it is the mature way to be happy. A long term way, rather than a short term fix and maybe I think that we have a more mature or different outlook that our peers that drink! It's a very nice feeling to know that I am becoming comfortable with myself, faults and all and that I don't need a crutch

theboringone

Hi GRMA,

I feel the same about going to pubs and clubs, it's enjoyable every now and again but becomes tiring very quickly, once people get too drink,which is every weekend with my friends and I am the one carting them home, worrying and making sure they are ok! And I think that they should be making an effort to do the things that I want to do aswell, meet me half way so that we can all enjoy ourselves and broaden the horizons a bit. It can be very tempting to drink so that you feel that you are on the same level as people and not to feel left out. I've been doing some reading over the past week and alot of people seem to recommend bringing a sober buddy so at least then you are on the same page as someone, might be an idea. No if I can just get someone to stay sober with me haha.

I am the same, I am left with just one or two true friends who find the time to meet up and do other things, but that's just during the week because they still go out Fri & Sat nights. The weekends can get lonely if there's nobody around. Luckily I work shift work, so it's not so bad.

Yeah it tends to be the older people who understand the decision to not drink and are happy to go to culture events and that. Lovely to talk to but it would be nice to find some people out own age in the same boat! I've been toying with the idea of organising meet ups for people our age, I'm pretty busy with work at the moment but in the summer, it's defiantly something I am going to look into. There is a serious lack of activities on Fri and Sat evenings that don't involve drink!

It's a tough decision to make, to choose between being fit and healthy and sorting out your life as you said or your friends. I choose me, it's defo worth the price or this transitional period. Fingers crossed it doesn't last long and I can be 'fun' again

shootie

OP, if your friends want to criticize you as "boring" because you don't enjoy doing something they like to do, then they aren't the type of people I want to be associated with. Surround yourself with people and friends who support you and your decisions.

theboringone

shootie wrote: »

OP, if your friends want to criticize you as "boring" because you don't enjoy doing something they like to do, then they aren't the type of people I want to be associated with. Surround yourself with people and friends who support you and your decisions.

I agree with the principle of what you are saying, normally I would take such a stance. However, it's very hard when these are people I have known for years and have shared so much with them, I don't want to just give up on them and the bond we used to have, even though it's becoming more apparent that the bond was little much more than a drink!

Wattle

Well OP it's like this: you've made a change and they haven't. Would you rather have a brighter future or go back to being the drunken monkey boy and ruin your life just to keep them happy? Time to look after number 1.

Drumpot

realies wrote: »

Hi Thenotsoboringone;) Probably not answering your question directly but may help you somewhat.

When people for what ever reason stop drinking alcohol it means changing the way you live life and your outlook on life.If life without alcohol occasionally makes you feel frustrated,lonely,bored, angry you are not alone, many people who have succeeded in giving up alcohol felt like this at first,

The solution is not to fight the feeling, but to change your life, This means focusing on the positive things that give you more health,vitality and enjoyment for the things you choose to do,developing a positive plan of action is the first all important step.

Happy sobriety does feel good,even though it may include short term discomfort or temporary boredom.The long run tendency of sobriety is toward having peace of mind,feeling good about ourselves and using our talents and opportunities wisely.This is the mature way to feel good,but we achieve it only by thinking and acting in the right ways.:) Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Amen to that . . .

I have been out a couple of times since deciding to give up the drink and to be frank its been a real eye opener at how boring it actually is when people use alcohol to make a night "fun". . People really do have a problem socialising without drink and it puts the fear of god in them that without drink (dutch courage) or loud music (no awkward silent pauses) they might actually have to be more engaging and more themself.

Im lucky (in my mid 30s) in that most my friends are married, with children, so they are actually quite open to alternative suggestions (not that I make any) and if i dont drink they dont really care. This is a self confidence issue that some people have. They feel uncomfortable if another person is not conforming with the group (ie not drinking) because they feel it reflects badly on the fact that they feel the NEED to drink to enjoy the night.

My post is not meant to be judgy, its more an observation and Im happy to accept that I was every bit the "dutch courage" drinker as the people I am highlighting. I was also a huge cheerleeder in the "ah go on" brigade so I accept the hypocritical stance I am taking. However, where once I was blind, now I can see.

I always thought that life without having a few drinks was impossible in Ireland. Sure what do other people do on a saturday night ? Do you know what, without drink, every night can potentially be a saturday night because I dont have to worry about completely writing off the next morning/day because of the hangover. At worst, a late enjoying night for me just has me a bit tired the next day. .

Things that are ridiculously undervalued -

• Calling up to a friends house to have a chat/tea, watch a match etc
• going to the cinema
• meeting a friend at lunchtime
• going to a sports event without drinking - GAA, soccer
• Going to a play/music event without drink

You can just go home after an event or evening, it doesnt have to continue into the small hours of the morning for it to be "a good night out". I think many people have been programmed to think that there is a certain criteria that makes a good night. .

I dont look down on people who get locked or think going out drinking in any entertainment situation is a given. I just feel sorry for them because I used to think this way and I know how unhappy I was that I needed others to justify my drinking habits by taking part. Its crippling because as a person you are missing out on so much with this train of thought and limiting the true enjoyment that life can offer . .

Florintina

theboringone wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I just joined today to ask for some advice or maybe for people to share similar experiences!

I am in my mid twenties and stopped drinking around this time last year for numerous reasons but mainly becuase I was sick of wasting life with a hangover and I was sick to death of all of the drama that comes with a night out :P
Anyway, since I made my decision to stop drinking I feel very distant from my friends. I find it hard to get them to meet up maybe for a coffee or something, they only want to socialise whilst in the pub or club. I've tried so many times to do something not involving alcohol but it's only happened once or twice and when we do the conversation usually revolves around my choice not to drink and what they got up to on Sat night.

Initially I went along to the pubs and clubs and had fun but still felt left out (my own doing, I know) but lately I find that I'm just not enjoying being in those environments... it's loud, you can't chat and when people get very drunk I get anxious so I end up leaving early, after being called a bore or similar for leaving (hence the username )

They still invite me out whenever they are going out, which I appreciate but when I decline or do go and have a coke, I constantly get asked why I'm not drinking and am constantly pressured into having 'just one'.

I feel like I am loosing my friends and have no connection with them anymore because I'm not on the same level. I prefer to go to galleries or go out for the day nowadays whereas they want the opposite I suppose.

I undersand that I am slightly different, in that they see the sober me rather than the drunk me alot more lately but that doesn't affect who I am at the core.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Is there anyway to find a happy medium, where everyone is happy?! I would love to hear other peoples views on this.

hey there i feel the same as u i am 23yrs old and tried drinking few times never agreed with me , i just find it so boring drink in general, waste money time and i get angry all drunks near me looking stupid it makes me cringe and they look so childish . i never tell my mates this as most them love getting drunk and going out i feel left out and boring . i glad my bf not into the drink he only has few cans with a match at home and i grand with that . i am not boring love going cinema nd meals out nd chats shopping or day trips but i only have one or 2 mates that do that. they do ask me out at times to but i make up broke or busy even tough i am now i just no interesst in clubs or pubs hate both them .

jenna1057

it makes me feel a bit better to see all of your comments, i decided to stop drinking around christmas time of this year after numerous bad nights and regrets which followed. At first i got so many questions of why I decided to give up drink and even people saying 'oh I could never do that' which gave me more of an incentive to continue not drinking. I am 20 years old and have just finished my second year in college. It can be so difficult to continue socialising with friends on a night out since the irish culture revolves so heavily around alcohol

scarepanda

OP, fair play for giving up the drink!

I'm one of those strange people who have never drank.

The one piece of advice I will give you is to not become the drunk-sitter. Be very clear with your friends - When their sober - that on a night out just because your not drinking it doses't mean that your automatically the responsible one etc etc. Yes I know it can be hard sometimes especially if you know of someone who is off their head with drink and possibly getting themselves into trouble. And you will find yourself being the one to go look for someone when they go walkies because you will notice it first. Not being the drunk sitter is easer said than done.

May be its easier in some ways for me because iv never drank, but when in pubs and clubs and people start to get drunk, join in with the banter. Dont be self concious, the drunk people wont remember in the morning and even if they do at least you dont need a crutch to enjoy yourself.

Again may be im so used to it, as i got used to being the odd one out at youth discos (10+ years), but it does get easier to go out sober. You get creative with telling people what your drinking. If its any consolation, I studied in the UK for two years and I found it harder to be sober on a night out simply because my UK counter parts found it very hard to understand that I didnt drink. Other Irish students in my course were never bothered about it at all.

Best of luck!!!

SP

50SofG

theboringone wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I just joined today to ask for some advice or maybe for people to share similar experiences!

I am in my mid twenties and stopped drinking around this time last year for numerous reasons but mainly becuase I was sick of wasting life with a hangover and I was sick to death of all of the drama that comes with a night out :P
Anyway, since I made my decision to stop drinking I feel very distant from my friends. I find it hard to get them to meet up maybe for a coffee or something, they only want to socialise whilst in the pub or club. I've tried so many times to do something not involving alcohol but it's only happened once or twice and when we do the conversation usually revolves around my choice not to drink and what they got up to on Sat night.

Initially I went along to the pubs and clubs and had fun but still felt left out (my own doing, I know) but lately I find that I'm just not enjoying being in those environments... it's loud, you can't chat and when people get very drunk I get anxious so I end up leaving early, after being called a bore or similar for leaving (hence the username )

They still invite me out whenever they are going out, which I appreciate but when I decline or do go and have a coke, I constantly get asked why I'm not drinking and am constantly pressured into having 'just one'.

I feel like I am loosing my friends and have no connection with them anymore because I'm not on the same level. I prefer to go to galleries or go out for the day nowadays whereas they want the opposite I suppose.

I undersand that I am slightly different, in that they see the sober me rather than the drunk me alot more lately but that doesn't affect who I am at the core.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Is there anyway to find a happy medium, where everyone is happy?! I would love to hear other peoples views on this.

i don't drink and i have gone though all the "the boring one" quotes when i was younger now it's "did you have a drink problem" quotes
anyway my point is keep it going and your friend will support you as time goes by, i think and funny as this may sound lads seam to support it more that ladies (my experience only).
i'm a bit older than you and to be honest glad i don't drink .you stay younger and fitter and healthier longer, cheers and well done to you.

zoeenya

Hi, I quit drinking a year and half ago. I love being sober its great being able to make my OWN decisions!! I am 21, so most of my friends are out in nightclubs to socialise, but I find that there are other things you can do with them that doesnt involve drink. Like cinema, going for meals, etc. Although I will admit my social life has been effected by my decision, I do enjoy the lease of life it has given to try other things. Join a club in your area where you might meet some likeminded people, for me I do yoga and I am part of a Buddhist community in my town, where there are lots of others who are non drinkers also.

Floppybits

scarepanda wrote: »

OP, fair play for giving up the drink!

I'm one of those strange people who have never drank.

The one piece of advice I will give you is to not become the drunk-sitter. Be very clear with your friends - When their sober - that on a night out just because your not drinking it doses't mean that your automatically the responsible one etc etc. Yes I know it can be hard sometimes especially if you know of someone who is off their head with drink and possibly getting themselves into trouble. And you will find yourself being the one to go look for someone when they go walkies because you will notice it first. Not being the drunk sitter is easer said than done.

May be its easier in some ways for me because iv never drank, but when in pubs and clubs and people start to get drunk, join in with the banter. Dont be self concious, the drunk people wont remember in the morning and even if they do at least you dont need a crutch to enjoy yourself.

Again may be im so used to it, as i got used to being the odd one out at youth discos (10+ years), but it does get easier to go out sober. You get creative with telling people what your drinking. If its any consolation, I studied in the UK for two years and I found it harder to be sober on a night out simply because my UK counter parts found it very hard to understand that I didnt drink. Other Irish students in my course were never bothered about it at all.

Best of luck!!!

SP

Scarepanda, I am one of those people who never drank as well and I agree with most of the things you said, especially the parts about joining in the banter and not being the drunk career.

I find a lot people who do give up drink become so anti drink that they dont want to have anything to do with drink like going to pubs or clubs and then I find people who never drank seem to be easier going and have no problems with going to pubs and clubs. Maybe it is easier for someone who never drank to go to pubs and clubs because the temptation is not there, as the saying going goes "You dont miss what you never had".

To the folks that are finding it difficult, I think you need to also look at yourselves, when you go to a nightclub do you join in or are you self concious? For a person in Ireland not to drink, I feel you have to be of a strong and confident mindset. You have to be able to resist those who will try push drink on you and you have to confident in yourself that you can go out and have fun without drinking and be able to let the hair down.

As I said earlier I never drank but when I was in my 20's I went out to pubs and clubs every single weekend with my mates and I didnt drink, yes I got the questions will you have one, why dont you drink, and stuff like that and I loved going to pubs and clubs. I loved having a laugh and then getting on the dance floor, chatting up girls and getting a few snogs, I even when to Ibiza and didnt drink or anything like that.

Then I moved to the UK at the start of my 30's and I worked in a pub part time over there as well and I still went to pubs and clubs and it never ever bothered me, still doesnt to that day. But I never ever got stuck looking after drunk people, yeah I would make sure they got in a taxi but I would never ever be in the toilet looking after them or sitting down with them, nope that was their problem.

I would encourage you guys not to give up on going out just because it involves drinking. Go out enjoy yourselfs, dance like a maniac, crack jokes and join in the slagging dont sit there and judge people because they get drunk, each to their own.

50SofG

Floppybits wrote: »

Scarepanda, I am one of those people who never drank as well and I agree with most of the things you said, especially the parts about joining in the banter and not being the drunk career.

I find a lot people who do give up drink become so anti drink that they dont want to have anything to do with drink like going to pubs or clubs and then I find people who never drank seem to be easier going and have no problems with going to pubs and clubs. Maybe it is easier for someone who never drank to go to pubs and clubs because the temptation is not there, as the saying going goes "You dont miss what you never had".

To the folks that are finding it difficult, I think you need to also look at yourselves, when you go to a nightclub do you join in or are you self concious? For a person in Ireland not to drink, I feel you have to be of a strong and confident mindset. You have to be able to resist those who will try push drink on you and you have to confident in yourself that you can go out and have fun without drinking and be able to let the hair down.

As I said earlier I never drank but when I was in my 20's I went out to pubs and clubs every single weekend with my mates and I didnt drink, yes I got the questions will you have one, why dont you drink, and stuff like that and I loved going to pubs and clubs. I loved having a laugh and then getting on the dance floor, chatting up girls and getting a few snogs, I even when to Ibiza and didnt drink or anything like that.

Then I moved to the UK at the start of my 30's and I worked in a pub part time over there as well and I still went to pubs and clubs and it never ever bothered me, still doesnt to that day. But I never ever got stuck looking after drunk people, yeah I would make sure they got in a taxi but I would never ever be in the toilet looking after them or sitting down with them, nope that was their problem.

I would encourage you guys not to give up on going out just because it involves drinking. Go out enjoy yourselfs, dance like a maniac, crack jokes and join in the slagging dont sit there and judge people because they get drunk, each to their own.

i agree, i never really drank but hold nothing agaist people who do . i always liked a party.

Wattle

Floppybits wrote: »

Scarepanda, I am one of those people who never drank as well and I agree with most of the things you said, especially the parts about joining in the banter and not being the drunk career.

I find a lot people who do give up drink become so anti drink that they dont want to have anything to do with drink like going to pubs or clubs and then I find people who never drank seem to be easier going and have no problems with going to pubs and clubs. Maybe it is easier for someone who never drank to go to pubs and clubs because the temptation is not there, as the saying going goes "You dont miss what you never had".

To the folks that are finding it difficult, I think you need to also look at yourselves, when you go to a nightclub do you join in or are you self concious? For a person in Ireland not to drink, I feel you have to be of a strong and confident mindset. You have to be able to resist those who will try push drink on you and you have to confident in yourself that you can go out and have fun without drinking and be able to let the hair down.

As I said earlier I never drank but when I was in my 20's I went out to pubs and clubs every single weekend with my mates and I didnt drink, yes I got the questions will you have one, why dont you drink, and stuff like that and I loved going to pubs and clubs. I loved having a laugh and then getting on the dance floor, chatting up girls and getting a few snogs, I even when to Ibiza and didnt drink or anything like that.

Then I moved to the UK at the start of my 30's and I worked in a pub part time over there as well and I still went to pubs and clubs and it never ever bothered me, still doesnt to that day. But I never ever got stuck looking after drunk people, yeah I would make sure they got in a taxi but I would never ever be in the toilet looking after them or sitting down with them, nope that was their problem.

I would encourage you guys not to give up on going out just because it involves drinking. Go out enjoy yourselfs, dance like a maniac, crack jokes and join in the slagging dont sit there and judge people because they get drunk, each to their own.

Sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with your post a little bit. If you have a genuine drink problem and you want to quit it's usually a good idea to stay away from heavy drinking situations at least in the beginning. I know for myself that when I quit I needed to stay away from that kind of temptation and build a life away from that scene. If you're a problem drinker it really can be that black and white. If you can go to nightclubs and have a good time sober then good luck to you but some of us can't afford to take that risk.

Floppybits

Floppybits wrote: »

Scarepanda, I am one of those people who never drank as well and I agree with most of the things you said, especially the parts about joining in the banter and not being the drunk career.

I find a lot people who do give up drink become so anti drink that they dont want to have anything to do with drink like going to pubs or clubs and then I find people who never drank seem to be easier going and have no problems with going to pubs and clubs. Maybe it is easier for someone who never drank to go to pubs and clubs because the temptation is not there, as the saying going goes "You dont miss what you never had".

To the folks that are finding it difficult, I think you need to also look at yourselves, when you go to a nightclub do you join in or are you self concious? For a person in Ireland not to drink, I feel you have to be of a strong and confident mindset. You have to be able to resist those who will try push drink on you and you have to confident in yourself that you can go out and have fun without drinking and be able to let the hair down.

As I said earlier I never drank but when I was in my 20's I went out to pubs and clubs every single weekend with my mates and I didnt drink, yes I got the questions will you have one, why dont you drink, and stuff like that and I loved going to pubs and clubs. I loved having a laugh and then getting on the dance floor, chatting up girls and getting a few snogs, I even when to Ibiza and didnt drink or anything like that.

Then I moved to the UK at the start of my 30's and I worked in a pub part time over there as well and I still went to pubs and clubs and it never ever bothered me, still doesnt to that day. But I never ever got stuck looking after drunk people, yeah I would make sure they got in a taxi but I would never ever be in the toilet looking after them or sitting down with them, nope that was their problem.

I would encourage you guys not to give up on going out just because it involves drinking. Go out enjoy yourselfs, dance like a maniac, crack jokes and join in the slagging dont sit there and judge people because they get drunk, each to their own.

Although I don't have a problem in most social situations involving drink now there were times in the early days were it was literal hell & I don't say that lightly. I know you're only trying to be positive and to give people advice but to be fair you said it yourself you've never drank so how would you know what people who have drank feel like? People that have drank & who have had problems with it can find it extremely difficult like I did in the first few months to go out in to situations that they used to be in.

I used drink in every social situation up to until I gave it up, then I used it to deal with life in general & when you take that away you are an empty shell for a while until you really figure who you are. Now when I do go out I have a better time then I ever did with drink or drugs but there was a time I thought that it would never be the case. I don't constantly put myself in situations were there is booze I've changed how I live now, I do other stuff that I enjoy but when there is a situation like a wedding,work party, birthday etc I do make sure to have the best time I possibly can. I had to keep checking my drink at the work Xmas party last year because I was dancing like a lunatic through the whole thing not a bother on me . I think the key is to find a balance really, do what you want to do and not what others want you to do. That's how I live now. Good luck to anyone struggling.

Wattle wrote: »

Sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with your post a little bit. If you have a genuine drink problem and you want to quit it's usually a good idea to stay away from heavy drinking situations at least in the beginning. I know for myself that when I quit I needed to stay away from that kind of temptation and build a life away from that scene. If you're a problem drinker it really can be that black and white. If you can go to nightclubs and have a good time sober then good luck to you but some of us can't afford to take that risk.

Exactly, as I said the first 5-6 months off drink I was like this.

Sunnyisland

Just in reply to above good posts, I gave myself six months before I ventured into parties or other social occasions,Nowadays I stay at social occaisions for a limted time and in most cases leave just after the alcohol fueled atmosphere cloakes all who are drinking :-)

jenna1057

Wattle wrote: »

Sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with your post a little bit. If you have a genuine drink problem and you want to quit it's usually a good idea to stay away from heavy drinking situations at least in the beginning. I know for myself that when I quit I needed to stay away from that kind of temptation and build a life away from that scene. If you're a problem drinker it really can be that black and white. If you can go to nightclubs and have a good time sober then good luck to you but some of us can't afford to take that risk.

i appreciate all pf the advice the non drinkers have given on this thread but I agree that it is a different situation for people who having given up drinking. I went out last night after work to meet all my friends for a 21st birthday of 2 of my school friends and when I arrived everyone was so drunk and I will admit I found a bit difficult to deal with, especially seeing close friends falling around and making sure they were all ok! and it was the same story when we arrived at the nightclub the majority of the night I spent getting shoved around and getting drink spilt on me etc... sorry I don't mean to sound like such a complainer but I do believe its a fair statement!

theboringone

jenna1057 wrote: »

i appreciate all pf the advice the non drinkers have given on this thread but I agree that it is a different situation for people who having given up drinking. I went out last night after work to meet all my friends for a 21st birthday of 2 of my school friends and when I arrived everyone was so drunk and I will admit I found a bit difficult to deal with, especially seeing close friends falling around and making sure they were all ok! and it was the same story when we arrived at the nightclub the majority of the night I spent getting shoved around and getting drink spilt on me etc... sorry I don't mean to sound like such a complainer but I do believe its a fair statement!

I haven't been on this in a while so haven't seen all the replies!

I would agree that I think it is slightly different for someone who has never drank than for someone who has decided to stop drinking. Firstly for someone who has drank before and enjoyed clubs and pubs while they were drunk, doesn't necessarily mean that they will enjoy them when they are sober. It's a very different experience drunk vs sober (usually better when drunk!). It doesn't mean that they don't want to join in on the fun or get up and dance - it's that they are on a different wavelength to those around them and that is a hard transition to make. People are somewhat more accepting of those who have never drank than those who used to so they don't get badgered as much.

I agree that perhaps that there is a self conscious aspect to it - I know that I was a different (worse) person when I drank and now I am a different person in the same social situation, that takes alot of getting used to. It doesn't help when every few minutes I am asked why I am not drinking etc - that makes me feel self-conscious and somewhat of an outsider as I am obviously experiencing the night very differently to those around me. That's not to say that I don't have a good time, it's just a very different time than I have known.

In relation to judging, I don't judge people for drinking, not at all. I do judge them however if they are acting like twats regardless of wether they are drunk or sober which is a stance I have always taken regardless and one of the main reasons why I stopped myself.

buttercups88

i'm so happy i found this thread, i think I could have wrote the op myself, like you i'm in my 20's and stopped drinking because I hated being hungover and the affect alcohol had on me.
All my friends love to go out and drink and not a whole lot else, I hate going out with them because when I do they insist on trying to get me to drink, buying me drinks and slagging me because of my choice, they just don't get it. Anytime I suggest doing anything that doesn't involve drinking they're broke (but go out and spend €60+ instead)
Really need to find new non-drinking friends who get where I'm coming from but have no idea where to start just want to be able to do things that don't involve pubs and clubs

hubba

realies wrote: »

Hi Thenotsoboringone;) Probably not answering your question directly but may help you somewhat.

When people for what ever reason stop drinking alcohol it means changing the way you live life and your outlook on life.If life without alcohol occasionally makes you feel frustrated,lonely,bored, angry you are not alone, many people who have succeeded in giving up alcohol felt like this at first,

The solution is not to fight the feeling, but to change your life, This means focusing on the positive things that give you more health,vitality and enjoyment for the things you choose to do,developing a positive plan of action is the first all important step.

Happy sobriety does feel good,even though it may include short term discomfort or temporary boredom.The long run tendency of sobriety is toward having peace of mind,feeling good about ourselves and using our talents and opportunities wisely.This is the mature way to feel good,but we achieve it only by thinking and acting in the right ways.:) Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Brilliant post, Realies. Thanks