2am texts

LegacyUser

I'm looking for some opinions as, even at the grand old age of 26, I'm very new to dating.

Met a guy a couple weeks ago and he seems cool. We've met twice since - first went for drinks and then met for coffee during the day, both were fun. During the week he asked me to go out on Friday night (ie last night) but I already had plans to meet friends. So then he said he was also going to go out with friends and maybe we could meet up at some point. I said yeah sure, and he said he'd text me on the night.

So I was out last night having a good time, checking my phone every now and then to see if he'd made contact. Didn't hear anything until 2am when he texted saying 'oh I'm in x if you want to come over'. I was pretty disappointed. I just replied saying I was going home soon so it was probably too late to meet and said a friendly goodnight. I did want to see him but I thought running to meet him at that time would seem a little desperate on my part, especially as I assume the place he was in would have been almost closing by the time I got there.

I also think it was a bit out of line for him to text that late. He barely drinks so I don't think it was that he just lost track of time. But am I being over-sensitive? Should I just have gone to meet him for a drink at the end of the night?

This all happened only last night so now I'm just waiting to see if he gets in touch again. Still I'd be interested to hear how other people would have reacted to the above. Thanks

m'lady

I understand where you are coming from but really wouldn't over analyse it, are you worried in case it was some sort of 'booty call'? You seem to like him, and I'm sure he likes you, he text you a bit late but at least you did hear from him? You said you wanted to see him but didnt want to go running, maybe think about that next time cos you kinda bit your nose off to spite your face and it's in my opinion bordering on mind games?

Your 26 and new to relationships, I'd give you one little bit of advice, don't go down the games route x

LegacyUser

m'lady wrote: »

I understand where you are coming from but really wouldn't over analyse it, are you worried in case it was some sort of 'booty call'? You seem to like him, and I'm sure he likes you, he text you a bit late but at least you did hear from him? You said you wanted to see him but didnt want to go running, maybe think about that next time cos you kinda bit your nose off to spite your face and it's in my opinion bordering on mind games?

Your 26 and new to relationships, I'd give you one little bit of advice, don't go down the games route x

Thanks for replying. I don't intend to be playing mind games at all, it's not my thing.

I suppose I didn't go meet him for 2 reasons, first yes I was afraid I'd look desperate, but second I also genuinely thought it was too late. Like by the time I'd finished my drink, said goodbye to my friends, got to where he was it would have been 2.30 or later and I don't know what time the bar he was in closes at but it could have been closing by then?

A little worried it was a booty call, also a little worried he just wasn't bothered to text earlier. Aaand now I'm worried he thinks I'm not interested since I didn't go to meet him. At least I texted back though right? Not too good at this

dixiefly

I think you are right and that it was too late for him to expect to meet up with you considering the stage of the relationship it is at. If ye were an item and regularly stayed over in each other's gaff then I would have thought it to be ok.

I am sure you were pretty nice in your text back to him and left the door open quorum future meet ups so that refusal in itself should not have put him off asking to meet you again. Give him time and hopefully he will call you. If he doesn't then he wasn't all that interested anyway.

mathproblem

i think you did right there OP, no sense in going into any situation you're not comfortable in really. I think I would respect you more for not coming running, especially so early in the relationship. You could bring it up again in some sort of jokey way next time you're chatting to him. Big difference between you & your friends bumping into him & his in the pub or on the way into a nightclub than him expecting you rock over to where he is on your own as the night is winding down. Even if he had of been sending you a couple of texts during the evening to see how your night was going it might feel different.

IME 2am texts mean either a booty call, normally between people who have an understanding, or it's taking until a few drinks are on board to work up the dutch courage to reach out. Just laugh it off, set your standard for what you want & stick to it, he either goes for it or he doesn't.

Merkin

I also think you were dead right not to meet him. 2am is really pretty late to be texting someone and while I wouldn't hold it against him, you were right not to just drop everything and run to him when beckoned. As long as you were kind in your refusal, he'll probably just think to himself that is was too late to text you and if he wanted to properly meet up with you then he should have made arrangements earlier. No harm done at all hon.

OP if you weren't happy with being invited to where he was at 2am, why didn't you just say you weren't finished where you were and ask if he'd come to you?

To be honest I don't see what's wrong with texting at 2am, if he knew you'd be up/out. Surely it's a good thing that he wanted to see you? Maybe he waited so late because he assumed you wouldn't be finished with your friends 'til late.

You said you didn't want to go meet him because it would look a bit desperate. It wouldn't look desperate, it would just look like you like him. Maybe he waited ages to get in touch because he didn't want to look desperate, and the same way that disappointed you, it disappointed him when you turned him down. Maybe both of you are so adverse to looking desperate that you're sabotaging yourselves.

LegacyUser

true-or-false wrote: »

OP if you weren't happy with being invited to where he was at 2am, why didn't you just say you weren't finished where you were and ask if he'd come to you?

To be honest I don't see what's wrong with texting at 2am, if he knew you'd be up/out. Surely it's a good thing that he wanted to see you? Maybe he waited so late because he assumed you wouldn't be finished with your friends 'til late.

You said you didn't want to go meet him because it would look a bit desperate. It wouldn't look desperate, it would just look like you like him. Maybe he waited ages to get in touch because he didn't want to look desperate, and the same way that disappointed you, it disappointed him when you turned him down. Maybe both of you are so adverse to looking desperate that you're sabotaging yourselves.

Well I was pretty much finished where I was at 2am. I had told him I was going out with friends after work, I'd been out since about 7 which he would have known. Plus I think it was the idea that I'd go to meet him. I met him through his brother who was out last night and there were a couple people there I've met once or twice so I got the impression that I would have been going to meet them. But there was no set plan and you're right, he might just have thought I wanted to stay with my friends for most/all of the night.

I get your point about the sabotaging thing, hopefully there's no more of that! I'm usually pretty straightforward and if he had asked me earlier in the night to meet, I would have gone and not worried about the whole looking desperate thing.

Thanks everyone for replies. I'm pretty happy now I didn't go to meet him, it didn't feel right at the time so that's got to count for something, right? Hopefully he gets in touch again though cos I do like him!

Lorna123

I definitely think that he just thought that it was okay to let you have your night out and that you understood that you would meet him for going home time. It was all just a misunderstanding and the fact that he wanted to meet up with you at all is something good. Hope you hear from him soon, if not you could text him. I actually think that meeting up with him at 2 a.m. is quite romantic and I bet he was disappointed that you didn't turn up.

LegacyUser

Lorna123 wrote: »

I actually think that meeting up with him at 2 a.m. is quite romantic and I bet he was disappointed that you didn't turn up.

Well now I feel bad! Haha, thanks for your thoughts though.

CaraMay

To me, a 2am text is a booty call and nothing else. You did the right thing as you don't want to be treated as that. Nothing wrong with having respect for yourself and setting boundaries that suit you.

Lorna123

You said you could not meet up with him on Fri. so he suggested meeting up at some point. Naturally he was afraid to contact you too early as he would feel that he was butting in on your night out with your friends. I feel that he was trying not to intrude. Why would he bother thinking about contacting you at all if he was not interested. I really think that he sounds like a very considerate guy and if I were you I would be texting him.

dixiefly

I am not sure if you can tell from the timing of the text whether he is a considerate guy or not.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with you texting him and, if you haven't heard from him, you should possibly text him today.

Zagato

Lorna123 wrote: »

You said you could not meet up with him on Fri. so he suggested meeting up at some point. Naturally he was afraid to contact you too early as he would feel that he was butting in on your night out with your friends. I feel that he was trying not to intrude. Why would he bother thinking about contacting you at all if he was not interested. I really think that he sounds like a very considerate guy and if I were you I would be texting him.

dixiefly wrote: »

I am not sure if you can tell from the timing of the text whether he is a considerate guy or not.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with you texting him and, if you haven't heard from him, you should possibly text him today.

From a guys point of view, I think you should text him too. Yes the text was definitely at an inappropriate time, but you have already demonstrated that you are not going to come running to him whenever he wants or are desperate.

If as someone pointed out earlier he was trying to get up courage to text you during the evening, and only did after he had too much courage ....which is possible, well in this case the way he would view it now might be:
He asked you on a date, you said no you were busy, you agreed to possibly meeting up later in the evening, but then didn't (+ he's potentially embarrassed about sending you the text so late)
So if you are still interested I would text him, possibly making some joke about not meeting people in night clubs at 2am on your own, but let him know some evening you are free, next week or whenever, and then leave it up to him to ask you out again, you'll have made it clear that you are still interested in meeting up with him, but not just for a night cap/booty call

chrismon

Zagato wrote: »

From a guys point of view, I think you should text him too. Yes the text was definitely at an inappropriate time, but you have already demonstrated that you are not going to come running to him whenever he wants or are desperate.

If as someone pointed out earlier he was trying to get up courage to text you during the evening, and only did after he had too much courage ....which is possible, well in this case the way he would view it now might be:
He asked you on a date, you said no you were busy, you agreed to possibly meeting up later in the evening, but then didn't (+ he's potentially embarrassed about sending you the text so late)
So if you are still interested I would text him, possibly making some joke about not meeting people in night clubs at 2am on your own, but let him know some evening you are free, next week or whenever, and then leave it up to him to ask you out again, you'll have made it clear that you are still interested in meeting up with him, but not just for a night cap/booty call

Agree completely here.
Give him a text.
He might think your not interested and not get in contact again otherwise.

Lorna123

The bottom line is that this guy wanted to meet OP earlier in the evening, for a complete date, and she said no that she had to meet her friends. He needn't have suggested meeting up later at all. He was considering the fact that she wanted to spend time with her friends before he contacted her, so I feel that is being considerate.

This poor chap can't win, can he???

dellas1979

Well, again, I think you are way over thinking this-did I do the right thing. You did the right thing, for you, at the time.

Give him a text and ask him out/to meet.

Dont really understand why its such a big deal if you like someone and want to show interest?

Lisha

Op

The 2am text was a booty call

You were right to say no if that did not appeal to you at the time

Don't ever feel you have to say ok to a 2am booty call just to keep a guy interested

I would give him a chance and text and try and arrange a proper date.

But if his best is a 2am, come and get me for a booty call, then you are better of without him.

Best of luck op

mathproblem

Absolutely nothing wrong with what the guy did here. opinions saying that she did the right thing by not turning up do not have to equal a judgement on him or his character.

Clare48 wrote: »

it didn't feel right at the time so that's got to count for something, right?

This is the crux of the whole issue for me, trust your instincts & feelings, you should feel comfortable at all times. Especially early on in a relationship.

Clare48 wrote: »

Hopefully he gets in touch again though cos I do like him!

Agree with others here, don't be afraid to get in touch with him yourself. No need to explain anything to him just send him a text sayin, hey Mister, or something like that, let him know you're still receptive.

Lorna123

This was not a booty call, it was a genuine guy trying to do the right thing by this girl. He suggested meeting her earlier and she declined. Now she feels that she was hard done by. Imagine how this poor guy feels having been let down twice.

fits

Meh... I just feel personally that at the start of a relationship, 2am is no time to be meeting up. OP give him a text and suggest a better time.

LegacyUser

Lorna123 wrote: »

This was not a booty call, it was a genuine guy trying to do the right thing by this girl. He suggested meeting her earlier and she declined. Now she feels that she was hard done by. Imagine how this poor guy feels having been let down twice.

OP here. This is a little presumptuous, no? Nobody, including me, knows whether it was a booty call or not, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't feel I've let him down at all, let alone twice. The conversation we had about Friday was more along the lines of 'oh we'll both be in town on Friday night, we should meet up'. For whatever reason, that didn't work out and I was just looking for some opinions on the situation. I'm still glad I didn't go to meet him and from reading posts here, I'm now not too worried about the lateness of the text either. But I don't think he's a "poor guy". The poor guy could have texted me at any point of the evening if he wanted to see me that bad.

Lorna123

Clare48 wrote: »

OP here. This is a little presumptuous, no? Nobody, including me, knows whether it was a booty call or not, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't feel I've let him down at all, let alone twice. The conversation we had about Friday was more along the lines of 'oh we'll both be in town on Friday night, we should meet up'. For whatever reason, that didn't work out and I was just looking for some opinions on the situation. I'm still glad I didn't go to meet him and from reading posts here, I'm now not too worried about the lateness of the text either. But I don't think he's a "poor guy". The poor guy could have texted me at any point of the evening if he wanted to see me that bad.

You could also have texted him if you wanted to see him at any stage of the night......it works both ways. Hope it all works out for you.

Dellnum

The guy is just as entitled to feel put out as you were OP. He asked could he meet you earlier on and was told no. He suggested meeting up when you were both in town and you agreed. So he could just as easily have been waiting for you to text him to let him know when you were ready to meet up as you were waiting for him to text to see if you were ready. He did do that in the end and you still weren't pleased. Women......................?????????????????

Matteroffact

You don't seem to have a good feeling about this guy. Your gut instinct should tell you whether he was genuine or not. From reading your post I can't see where he did anything wrong. Sorry OP, but I think you were at fault here for doubting him. Probably best to leave it.

LegacyUser

Dellnum wrote: »

The guy is just as entitled to feel put out as you were OP. He asked could he meet you earlier on and was told no. He suggested meeting up when you were both in town and you agreed. So he could just as easily have been waiting for you to text him to let him know when you were ready to meet up as you were waiting for him to text to see if you were ready. He did do that in the end and you still weren't pleased. Women......................?????????????????

Well as I said, the suggestion was that I would be going to meet him and his friends, not just meeting up with him at the end of the night. Maybe I got the wrong impression, but he definitely said he would text me. I was going out straight from work and he was going out later so I thought he would let me know when he was out/where he was. That's why I was surprised the text didn't come til 2am. But I'm not pissed off with the guy and I will get in touch with him again. And enough of this "women" nonsense

dellas1979

Why dont you just ask him to meet/bit of encouragement on your side, rather than sitting there wondering if hell ask again? I think when you heard "we should meet up", you took it "he'll contact me", yet you didnt contact him, and he didnt contact you till 2am. And now youre waiting again. The fella probably doesnt know what to do! So, take some initiative and contact him!

hedgehog21

Maybe I'm cynical but texting that late to meet up usually means booty call

Dellnum

hedgehog21 wrote: »

Maybe I'm cynical but texting that late to meet up usually means booty call

I would agree with it being a booty call if there had been no mention of meeting up earlier and he just texted out of the blue to meet up at 2.00 a.m. but because he wanted to meet the OP earlier and she had other plans, how could this be just a booty call ?

hedgehog21

Dellnum wrote: »

I would agree with it being a booty call if there had been no mention of meeting up earlier and he just texted out of the blue to meet up at 2.00 a.m. but because he wanted to meet the OP earlier and she had other plans, how could this be just a booty call ?

But to be fair, the fact the she had plans and then at the end of the night he wanted to meet her.... little point if I'm honest.

Lorna123

hedgehog21 wrote: »

But to be fair, the fact the she had plans and then at the end of the night he wanted to meet her.... little point if I'm honest.

I would think that the point here would be that he thought it would be a nice idea because he liked her. There doesn't have to be an ulterior motive. Am I the only one here that thinks that this guy could have been genuine, wanted to give the OP space and then meet up with her before they went home, all because he liked her.