my gf has a really good guy friend who she was with before..

06608124

ok guys so here it goes! i have been talking and getting on really well with this girl who i hav known a month. i have been going out with her a week. However it bothers me that she has a good guy friend who calls over to her house etc and who she was with for a couple months before! me and she get on really well and ahe seems to like me but with her telling me already about how friends of hers have cheated on their bfs and never told I think i am justified in being cautious about her meeting him especially since they have been more than just friends already. I do like this girl but this is kinda an issue for me. should u jump ship now?! some advice plse! much appreciated!:)

P. Breathnach

Yes, I can understand your being uncomfortable!

She told you that friends of hers were cheaters, not that she had ever cheated. Did she seem to disapprove of their behaviour?

It's early days yet. It might be worth giving things a bit more time if you think you can do so without the risk of suffering great hurt if things don't work out.

WhatNowForUs?

You already have issues here. Give her a break and get yourself sorted.

06608124

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Yes, I can understand your being uncomfortable!

She told you that friends of hers were cheaters, not that she had ever cheated. Did she seem to disapprove of their behaviour?

It's early days yet. It might be worth giving things a bit more time if you think you can do so without the risk of suffering great hurt if things don't work out.

thanks for the post! yes she did say she disapproved but sure she is going to say that anyway! thats what i mean. it might be best to end things now while we dont knlw each other too well because i cant see the problem going away!

06608124

WhatNowForUs? wrote: »

You already have issues here. Give her a break and get yourself sorted.

wow. likewise!

P. Breathnach

06608124 wrote: »

thanks for the post! yes she did say she disapproved but sure she is going to say that anyway! thats what i mean. it might be best to end things now while we dont knlw each other too well because i cant see the problem going away!

If you feel that way, tell her why you need to end things. She might just re-order her priorities.

06608124

P. Breathnach wrote: »

If you feel that way, tell her why you need to end things. She might just re-order her priorities.

hmm ok, well i wont say that to her caus he is a good friend of hers, and i dont know her long, plus its not an issue of me putting pressure on her to end a friendship, i wouldnt do that. its just a case of whether im comfortable with her having a close friendship with a guy she has been with, him calling over and her texting me like 1.5 hours later saying 'sorry about the delay sean was over visiting'! i think me spelling that last line out has made up my decision for me! thanks again!

P. Breathnach

Yeah. It looks as if you are a lower priority that her ex! Sounds risky to me.

Meauldsegosha

Her friends have cheated which she disapproves of. She has a male friend. You get on really well with her and have been going out for a week. But you are going to give up because you can't see "the problem" going away. What problem??? You haven't even given the "relationship" a chance. You are creating issues where there are none. :rolleyes:

06608124

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Her friends have cheated which she disapproves of. She has a male friend. You get on really well with her and have been going out for a week. But you are going to give up because you can't see "the problem" going away. What problem??? You haven't even given the "relationship" a chance. You are creating issues where there are none. :rolleyes:

thanks for the post:) and good argument..but there are 2 major things ya left out. she went out with this guy before. and she doesnt even tell me he is calling..jst doesnt text me back for ages and then tells me he had been there.

Meauldsegosha

06608124 wrote: »

thanks for the post:) and good argument..but there are 2 major things ya left out. she went out with this guy before. and she doesnt even tell me he is calling..jst doesnt text me back for ages and then tells me he had been there.

So what?? She's not going out with him now she's interested in you. Does she have to tell you when every friend, male or female, calls to her house. Does she have to reply to your texts as soon as you text her? She didnt text you back for 1.5 hrs. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds? I don't know how old you are OP but you come across as very immature.

judgefudge

You sound really immature OP. I'm friends with guys I've dated in the past, my boyfriend has no problem with it. They are exes for a reason. You shouldn't have to just cut someone out of your life because you didn't work out in a romantic relationship.

You're only seeing her a week? I guarantee if you say this to her she'll tell you to get lost (if she has anything about her anyway). This isn't a problem. You're making it one.

Also if I'm hanging out with any friend I tend to ignore my phone and texts, out of politeness.

P. Breathnach

OP is not heavily invested in this relationship, and has doubts. I'm not sure many people would be comfortable with a girlfriend or boyfriend having a close relationship with a very recent ex. He is thinking of getting out before he is in too deep for a relatively painless finish.

It seems to me a reasonable decision. It would also seem reasonable to me if he decided to stay involved and see if he could get past the things that bother him. There is no right or wrong decision here.

Holsten

I'd leave, I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all.

Exes are exes for a reason, I have no idea how people can stay friends after a relationship is finished.

judgefudge

P. Breathnach wrote: »

OP is not heavily invested in this relationship, and has doubts. I'm not sure many people would be comfortable with a girlfriend or boyfriend having a close relationship with a very recent ex. He is thinking of getting out before he is in too deep for a relatively painless finish.

In fairness nowhere does he say that they were together "very recently". Could have Been last year or years ago for all we know.

P. Breathnach

judgefudge wrote: »

In fairness nowhere does he say that they were together "very recently". Could have Been last year or years ago for all we know.

Obviously we read OP's words differently. There is some ambiguity. The less recent the relationship with the ex, the less cause OP should have to worry.

LegacyUser

You are either ok with dating someone who stays friends with exes or you're not. I'd be of same opinion as the OP. It's a dealbreaker for me. Personally I find something a little disrespectful about it. Sure everyone had these great connections with exes in past and most relationships don't end disasterously but exes are exes for reason.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being civil to ex in passing. But as for meeting up and hanging out, nah not for me and not for the OP clearly. I don't find it immature and the sooner into a relationship you realise it, the better. I wouldn't even mention it to the girl. If she likes attention from exes let her off, she won't end that for the OP.

hedgehog21

06608124 wrote: »

hmm ok, well i wont say that to her caus he is a good friend of hers, and i dont know her long, plus its not an issue of me putting pressure on her to end a friendship, i wouldnt do that. its just a case of whether im comfortable with her having a close friendship with a guy she has been with, him calling over and her texting me like 1.5 hours later saying 'sorry about the delay sean was over visiting'! i think me spelling that last line out has made up my decision for me! thanks again!

You're contradicting yourself a little here, you don't want her to end the friendship but you dont want her to meet him as a friend?
Give the girl a break, not everyone replies on the time, it is quite rude to text while you have company, but after a week and you already have issues, it doesn't hold out much hope

CaraMay

It's very rude to reply to texts when you have visitors whether its your ex or not.

MJ23

Had to read it three times because of the lack of punctuation.
Have you met the ex, and what's he like ?
Ask her how she'd feel if the situation was the other way round, and you'll soon have your answer.

2Mad2BeMad

IMO i would leave her
as you said it yourself she seems more inclined to give her ex another chance
and seems to be stringing you along if her ex backs down
thats the impression im getting
entirely up to you OP
but their has to be trust even if its early days and you have no proof of anything
your just over thinking things, ( which is what i would do as well) ask her outstraight if she still has feelings for her ex
if the relationship is only early days then it wouldnt really matter if yas broke it off because i doubth you'd cry about it unless your the type of person to fall in love with someone at first sight

LegacyUser

2Mad2BeMad wrote: »

IMO i would leave her
as you said it yourself she seems more inclined to give her ex another chance
and seems to be stringing you along if her ex backs down
thats the impression im getting

He's known this girl a month and they've been dating a week, exactly how could she be stringing him along in that space of time?

Seriously OP how many times in the space of one week can she have hung out with this guy? I could maybe understand if you were going out a year or more but a week? Also you say they dated for a couple of months, doesn't scream a massively serious relationship. If they had dated for a year or more or lived together or similar I could understand someone feeling uncomfortable with them remaining friends. But a couple of months, please, sounds like your all very young. Yes exs are exs for a reason but there are massively huge difference between someone you see for a short period and someone you date for years and share your life with. I've exs I could never be in the same room with, who I dated for years and had very close relationship with and then I've a few friends who I tired dating and after a month we saw we were better friends. Making the judgement to dump someone based on you dating them a week and them having a good friendship with someone they dated for such a short time seems very foolish.