Tired

djtanner1976

Hello,
I really don't know where to start but I'll try. I have a learning disability and I suffer from anxiety. Have all my life. I was my Mom's best friend and did everything with her and lived with her until she died. I was really messed up and lonely so I started surfing dating sites to find a guy. Long story short, in 2008 I found one. To make a long story short. This guy was not a citizen and only wanted a green card. I got pregnant by him about a month after we met and we married about four months after. I know I'm stupid guys and I've beat myself up. I was not thinking right after my mom died. He was sweet while we dated but soon after marriage got cold. It hurt me because I spend so much money going through the whole immigration process for him. I took him in when he had nothing. Even if you are using someone, why be so cold. Anyway, fast forward to today. It's gotten worse. He's a great father to our daughter and loves her dearly but he treats me so mean. I tried asking him why but he won't talk to me. He stopped having sex with me two years ago and stays out all night so I know hes cheating. My four year old daughter even asks why do you treat mommy so mean. It hurts me when she says this. I've been suicidal over this many times. I feel unwanted, and unloved. I have problems getting around because of my learning disability and can't drive at night. I've never lived alone and scared to leave him but I know I should. It torments me because I talk to him but he ignores me but he chats all the time when he's not working with women online. I try to hug him but he pushes me away. I ask him for sex but he tells me to go find it outside. This hurts so bad. I just don't know what to do. It's like he is here but he ignores me. He sleeps on the couch, does not eat my food, does nothing with me. I feel no man will ever want me if I leave him because of how I am. I've just always been a little slower and different. I'm a bit scared to be alone. If anyone has any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it. I just feel at times I don't want to live anymore. What is the point? I can't even hold a job because of my learning disability. Just don't know what to do.

Magicmatilda

Wow, I felt so saddened by your post that I almost cried. I really feel for you. The man you are with us not a nice man by the description you outlined. He is also not a good father, if he was he would not teach his daughter that this is how men treat women. This is what he and you are doing, teaching your little girl that this is normal. Is this the message you want to give your little girl, I would imagine it is not. The obvious answer is you must leave this man. But it sounds to me that you are not strong enough at this point in time to do that. So what I recommend you do is seek some help in order to build your self esteem to a point where you do have the strength to stand up for yourself and your little girl. So how do you do that? Well contact woman's aid or a counselling service, there are many of these offering low cost counselling around the country. I know of several in Dublin alone. What you are experiencing sounds like emotional and mental torture and you do not deserve this. I am curious as to why you would want sex with this man? Or why you cook for him?

Please seek some help for yourself, you deserve so much better than this as foes your daughter.

All the best

DeltaWhite

I found your post very hard to read OP, it was very sad and I find it really hard to imagine how you must feel. But be honest here.. You know what you must do! For the sake of yourself and your little one, you need to free yourself from this rut that you're in!

Don't ever think nobody else will want you. Your OH's behaviour has made you feel like that, it's emotional abuse in my opinion. You don't deserve that, nobody does!

I really really wish you all the best but please OP, you need to get out of the situation you are in, it's not going to make things worse for you, if anything you should feel a weight lifted! Things will be hard at the start but you need to remain strong for your daughter. It may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but let me tell you it will be a lot worse and more heartbreaking to stay with him. Years down the line do you still want to be in this position?

Lots of hugs for you OP!
X x x

bedlamaticable

Very sad post to read OP, I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.

Enough is enough OP, you have been with this man for years with it going nowhere. He does not treat you with the respect and love you deserve. I would think your feelings of rejection from him have added to how worthless you are feeling right now. Don't waste any more time with him, it is not fair to you, and it is not fair to your daughter. You said in your post she can see how he treats you and that is not an environment you want your daughter brought up in.

YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. The more time you stay with this man the harder it will be to leave. He is not being fair on you and you can do so much better. I promise you that there are people out there for you to go and meet. You worry you will never find someone again, well it's surely worth a shot? You've nothing to lose and at worst you will build some confidence and meet new people.

I really wish you the best OP, you are not in an easy situation but you have to do what's right for you and your daughter and you will get through this!

06608124

as you said amd know yourself you made a mistake by falling for this guys tricks and you know that now. i feel sorry for you but we all make mistakes throughout our lives, sometimes they follow us around and are not easily repairable. its done now so all you can work with is what you have...and you do have something..a beautiful young daughter. she loves you and its her love that is important. dont let this mans actions toward you upset you, because he is not a man always remember that. if he was he wouldnt do what he is doing. its a sticky situation but if you look hars enough you will always find an answer. look up some local groups, im sure there are other woman like you, join clubs meet new people, broaden your horizons, stay away from online dating, not because i think people on it are creeps, but because a relationship with a computer monitor is not as healthy as getting out and meeting people. if you cant drive, walk cycle or get the bus. but whatever you do alwats remember suicide isnt fhe ans. dont let this scum make ou feel like this. there is nothing wrong with you:) be strong for ur daughter, and when you pull through you will be proud of yourself. every time you feel like that look at your daughter and think to yourself do you really want to do that to her? and leave me without a mum, and miss seeing her grow. we will all be dead long enough, life is short, keep your head up:) x martin

djtanner1976

Thank you so much everyone for your support and advice. It has really helped me. I read the responses awhile ago but could not get myself together enough to respond until now. He is going to leave and has admitted he does not love me which I knew in the back of my mind and was only staying for our child. He has told me I do nothing and am a bad example to my daughter. He says I'm a good kind person but I don't do much and he says my cooking is not good and he says this is why he does not want to be together. It's funny because everyone who tastes my cooking loves it. It hurt me really bad when he said I was not a good example to my daughter. I am the who who plays with her, sits up with her when shes sick, takes her to her appointments, reads with her, teaches her. I got really down on myself when he said that and my self esteem took a dive but I'm working on it. I'm kind of depressed but I guess that's normal. Trying to prepare for a life by myself and it's not easy but I think I can do it. I just wish I could make the hurt and pain go away but I know it takes time. I'm a little afraid to be alone but I know I'm not the first and last woman to be alone. Thank you again everyone. I appreciate all of your responses.

DeltaWhite

djtanner1976 wrote: »

Thank you so much everyone for your support and advice. It has really helped me. I read the responses awhile ago but could not get myself together enough to respond until now. He is going to leave and has admitted he does not love me which I knew in the back of my mind and was only staying for our child. He has told me I do nothing and am a bad example to my daughter. He says I'm a good kind person but I don't do much and he says my cooking is not good and he says this is why he does not want to be together. It's funny because everyone who tastes my cooking loves it. It hurt me really bad when he said I was not a good example to my daughter. I am the who who plays with her, sits up with her when shes sick, takes her to her appointments, reads with her, teaches her. I got really down on myself when he said that and my self esteem took a dive but I'm working on it. I'm kind of depressed but I guess that's normal. Trying to prepare for a life by myself and it's not easy but I think I can do it. I just wish I could make the hurt and pain go away but I know it takes time. I'm a little afraid to be alone but I know I'm not the first and last woman to be alone. Thank you again everyone. I appreciate all of your responses.

That man is a parasite. You just take everything he said to you and try your very very hardest to erase it from your memory - he is just twisting the knife now that it's over.

Yes this will take time to get over and yes it is going to hurt but by god you have done yourself a massive favour here OP. might not seem like it now but you knew what you needed to do and you did it - WELL DONE

You have yourself and your daughter you do not need him. I'm very happy that you did what's best for you because there is a huge amount of people out there who are in similar situations and they choose to ignore the issues and keep going as they are, they ignore help and advice and continue living in misery. Well done to you OP you obviously have courage and strength that's all you need to get you through!