Working mums and quality time with toddler

CaraMay

Am just back to work and DS is 15 months. I am lucky in that im living close to work and dont have a horrendously long day.

I wonder how people spend quality time every day with their child. I get up with him in the morning, give him his breakfast etc., dress him and so on.. He plays all day so is tired in the evenings but I try to play with him a bit and do give him his bath and play with him before his Dad gives him his bottle and then to bed.

What do you do to make the time you have with your child into real quality time? I worry that I dont make it 'quality' enough.

How Strange

I make sure to give him an hour to an hour and a half of my full attention from when we get home until he goes to bed. This means I sit down beside him and watch bob the builder and cbeebies and chat about what he did in creche. This usually involves me asking questions and him telling me he played with toys! We always read a story together before bedtime.

Nothing else gets done until he goes to bed.

This cuts out all the whining, crying and tantrums because he knows he has my attention. I've learned this lesson the hard way btw.

To me that's quality time.

CaraMay

Yeah well I have about 2 hours in the morning and 3 at night so am lucky. I guess I am also looking for sure fire ways to ensure baby knows he is the centre if my world for that time e.g. Reading. Anything else?

I also would like to go back to exercise classes twice a week but haven't as it would eat into approximately 1.5 hours of time with him twice a week and I already feel bad that he has to go to a child minder because I work. Is that silly?

How Strange

Toddlers don't consider how much time you spend with them; it could be 10 mins, 30 mins, an hour, a full day. What is important is giving them your full time and attention while you can. Let them lead the way in terms of what you do together. So it could be just sitting on your knee.

Go back to your exercise classes if you want to. I don't think you should feel guilty at all for looking after yourself.

Rosy Posy

I'm a SAHM and I can honestly say that I spend less 'quality time' with my toddler than most working parents I know. My OH is fun Daddy and does most of the playing and he plays with/follows after the older kids but the most I do is give him the odd push on the swing or supervise him in the sandpit while I hang out the washing. Other than that he's just with me while I'm doing the housework- it's not focused one on one quality time.

I also think that it's necessary for your sanity to make space for something for yourself outside of kids and work in your life. If you don't want to take time away from your time with your child could you find something you can do after baby is asleep like a late opening gym or an exercise video?

Moonbeam

For me it was on the train ro and from the office and at weekends. Things like a bedtime story are a great way to get quality time.
I am at home now with them so get loads of quality time but #2 does things that i do not remember the eldest doing.

NextSteps

Same as How Strange - I try to be organised so that the 1-2 hours between getting home from creche and bed are totally free for my child. So no complicated dinners, no housework, no major grown-up distractions. It usually works. We play and read stories and have a long chatty dinner together.

Mink

Oh I feel bad now I have a 7mth old so it's different from a toddler but no matter how organised I am it's still a mad dash every night after work and I do feel guilty not spending enough time with him. I'm hoping there will be less things to organise when he's older.

I could do it all after he's gone to bed but then I normally only have about 2hrs before I have to hit the sack, an hour of that goes towards further organising and the other hour I really need for myself to switch off!

I suppose I'm only working 3 days so I do have the other 4 to hang out with him but it never seems like enough.

How Strange

Mink you'll feel no matter what you do. It comes with the job of being a mother :P

It's always a mad dash in the evenings here too. We try to batch cook at the weekend so we're just reheating in the evening rather than cooking from scratch. I like to be in bed at 9.30 as I get up at 6 so there's very little time to relax in the evening.

I think babies are tougher than toddlers though as they need you there all the time. At least toddlers can entertain themselves for a few minutes here and there.

Rose35

Im like Mink, i have a 7 month old, I work 5 days a week and really look forward to the weekends so I can spend time with my little man, I find by the time I get home in evening and get everything organised I have about half an hr with him, i have to try and go to bed shortly after he does as we have and early start in morning and he still gets up for a 4am feed still!!! so usually am wrecked in evenings. When he wants to come into our bed around midnight i feel guilty if I moan about this because he never sees us.

pwurple

We read, sing songs, colouring, jigsaws, play a bit of chasing or ball outside. but we do normal stuff too. Honestly I think it is nearly better if you can just include them in what you do normally do. I let her watch me cook food, and help with the bins, or laundry or whatever. Toddlers love 'helping'!