It's the petty things!

KMM

So long story short...


My ex and I have been apart for over a year now. When we split up I kept the TV, which was a gift to both of us from his parents. There was no issue with it before and now all of a sudden he wants it back. He refuses to negotiate. I even offered him money for it (which was a last resort) and he still said no.

It's so petty and childish. Am I being unreasonable asking to keep it? Or even feeling that I have a right to keep it? He had no issues splitting other gifts, inc. other gifts his parents gave us.

Anyway sorry for the rant. Some advice would be helpful. If enough of you say I'm the unreasonable one, I'll just have to give in

Thanks in advance

judgefudge

It does sound a bit weird and petty but to be honest I would just give back the tv.

Is it really worth the hassle?

KMM

Probably not!

They way I look at it is, I'm back in college and can't afford to replace it brand new. He works full time with a fairly decent wage and can afford a new one if he needed to (which he doesn't).

God I just read that back, I do sound petty don't I. It's the principle though

Paddy Cow

To want the tv back over a year later is very odd. Is it a control thing with him? If it was a gift from his parents and not something he bought, then he has no right to come looking for it now and he should be the one offering you money for it. As the poster above said though, is it really worth the hassle?

LegacyUser

He OP, no i dont think you are being unreasonable.
i went through a similar situation myself where my ex contacted me 6 months post break up to request silly things back like plates, hoover, chairs, curtains etc.
i gave what i could, even giving money for items such as a frying pan she wanted.
from my point of view my ex was the unreasonable one to come back and request these items so long later as she had taken what she wanted wen she left with no consultation and no regard for how i would continue to keep paying the rent on house.
in hindsight i should have given items back minus the cost of storing them for 6 months!!
sorry for my own mini rant, at the end of the day tv's don't cost that much now - for you or for him. maybe you could give it back to him minus tv license fee & storage costs!!

John Mason

was in a similar situation a few years back.

give the tv back and get your mind back. you should out enjoying life not sitting a dark room watching ads

KMM

Haha I do get out and enjoy life trust me. It's more the principle and also because I'm a movie nut

Anyway, you're probably right. But I am very stubborn and don't like that he thinks he can just come back into my life like that and demand things.

Paddy Cow

KMM wrote: »

Haha I do get out and enjoy life trust me. It's more the principle and also because I'm a movie nut

Anyway, you're probably right. But I am very stubborn and don't like that he thinks he can just come back into my life like that and demand things.

Give it back to him but paint the screen black first :pac:

Seriously though, it's been a year and it was a present to you both. He should let it go at this stage.

judgefudge

He's being petty. And I know you say it's the principle and you shouldn't have to give it back. You're right, to come looking for it after all this time is stupid and a bit sad. But don't rise to it... Either say you're not giving it back and have no further contact with him or just give it back and forget about him, which is what I'd probably do to be honest.

Last thing you want (I presume) is him plaguing you about this. If you were goin to pay for it could you not just put that money towards a different telly?

IrishEyes19

Its not petty of you. Its petty of him. But I would give it to him, just to get him off your back. you dont want him holding something over you either. I think its not to do with the tv at all, he's just being childish

LegacyUser

He is being petty asking for it but you are being petty not to give it to him. Be the bigger prson here and return it to him, it was a present to both of you, from his parents. He has more right of ownership over it and whether he has the money or not to buy himself a new one is irrelevant and not any of your business. If I was in your position I would have given it to him upon the split.

mkdon05

Just tell him to piss off, end of story! Any further contact from him, you will inform the gardai of his harassment.

Bellend!

ahnow

Leave the telly out on the street for him in the wet weather, text him and tell him it's there waiting for him if he wants to pick it up, that way you don't have to see him

johnr1

Two questions OP :
Why did you keep it when ye split ?
Why do you feel that he has less right to it than you do ?

What either of you earn is irrelevant, and TVs can be had second hand for almost nothing.

sbsquarepants

My sensible side says give it to him. It's not worth the hassle and tellys are cheap enough, you may even get a freebie off done deal or the likes if you don't mind an old cathode ray type one.
But what i personally would do is tell him to piss off!

LittleBook

KMM wrote: »

don't like that he thinks he can just come back into my life like that and demand things.

I think this is important and I suspect it's not about the TV at all. If you try to hold onto it, he'll have an excuse to keep in touch with you on some level. Get rid of it, get rid of him.

LegacyUser

Give the TV back to him, if it was a gift from his parents then I'm sure they'd rather their son have it. Don't bother getting pissy and standoffish with him, or do silly things like leave it in the rain, hand it back then go buy your own TV.

Big Bag of Chips

Is there a chance that his parents are in his ear asking where the telly is they gave "him" (whether or not, at the time, they gave it to you both will be irrelevant to them now. They gave him a telly when he was living with you, then you split up. Maybe he is now moving somewhere new.. maybe his sister/brother is moving somewhere and needs a telly, and they are on to him to get "his" one back)

Either way - I'd just give it to him and be done. If you're afraid of him feeling like he has "one up" on you or whatever, then I wouldn't even comment on how it's an inconvience to you. I'd even have another one in place (even if you need to borrow one from a neighbour for half an hour when he comes to collect it!) and have "his" in a corner behind a door somewhere - so it looks like you're not bothered. (And if you could leave a bit of dust on it, to make it look like it's been there a long time!!;))

Just give it back, and forget about it/him/them, then.

LegacyUser

To be honest your just rising to the bait by arguing over it. If it was me i'd be telling him sure come and get it, if he wants to be petty and look for reasons to initiate contact, cause trouble or whatever his motives are then let him be, but I wouldn't be letting myself get to his level. I'd be handing him his telly and telling him to have a nice life, he will look like a jack ass in the end and you can keep your head held high.

P. Breathnach

BeProud wrote: »

To be honest your just rising to the bait by arguing over it. If it was me i'd be telling him sure come and get it, if he wants to be petty and look for reasons to initiate contact, cause trouble or whatever his motives are then let him be, but I wouldn't be letting myself get to his level. I'd be handing him his telly and telling him to have a nice life, he will look like a jack ass in the end and you can keep your head held high.

I was starting to agree with that unreservedly unti I read the bit I have bolded. OP, keep 100% of your dignity rather than 95% of it.

Perhaps it's just me, but I don't see how he's in the wrong here. HIS parents gave you the gift, which to me means he has more claim over it than you do. Perhaps he fancies having a TV and doesn't have the money to buy one, who knows, but I'd just give it back. Have I missed the part where he treated you terribly and deserves to have his property left outside in the rain?

Paddy Cow

Ariana Abundant Firehouse wrote: »

Perhaps it's just me, but I don't see how he's in the wrong here. HIS parents gave you the gift, which to me means he has more claim over it than you do. Perhaps he fancies having a TV and doesn't have the money to buy one, who knows, but I'd just give it back. Have I missed the part where he treated you terribly and deserves to have his property left outside in the rain?

It was a gift to both of them, not just him. Had he asked for the tv when they were splitting up then fair enough, they could have come to some arrangement. The problem is he waited for over a year. Who goes looking for something after that long?

Balmed Out

Ariana Abundant Firehouse wrote: »

Perhaps it's just me, but I don't see how he's in the wrong here. HIS parents gave you the gift, which to me means he has more claim over it than you do. Perhaps he fancies having a TV and doesn't have the money to buy one, who knows, but I'd just give it back. Have I missed the part where he treated you terribly and deserves to have his property left outside in the rain?

Exactly. His parents never bought you a tv. They bought their son and his gf one. If he was living alone itd have been just for him.
I would consider it extremely unreasonable for someone to claim ownership of gifts given to a couple by the other sides friends or family after breaking up.

KMM

OP here...Sorry for letting this 'run wild', I've been up to my eyes.

A lot of varying opinions, so thank you all for your input.

I just want to say that I don't think that either of us have any more right to it than the other, which is why this is an issue in the first place (as stupid as it is). The reason I have been put out by it all is that we agreed I would take it when we split ( he kept EVERYTHING else we ever bought or were given as a couple) and then out of no where he demands it back. My main issue was there was at no point an offer of discussing it...which to me is more important, actually arguing and fighting over possessions is something that despise.

So because of that I was ready to organise him taking it back but when I contacted him he told me he had changed his mind! I know, odd or what. I'm beginning to think some of you where right and he perhaps had other motives....who knows?!

And you say us ladies are crazy