murder story

blobtot

i need help extending this story.. anyone? i need it by tomorrow. im 4th year/standard garde english.


I can’t think. Everything is just blurring together. I don’t even know what to write. Another sleepless night thinking about you. But do you remember me?
You have taken over, infused me with your poison. Your dusky figure shadows me. I don’t have my own reflection. Only darkness can see me. You have hidden me from the people that care, that used to care, at least. I still live where you left me. Remember?
I was followed by your shadow for days, while you watched my routines. A simple walk at night meant more than I knew. Back then, night made me weak and vulnerable, a time at which you were strong. I never knew you existed but you knew me too well, watching my every move.
When I was born the world became dark for my parents who wanted a son. Imagine my unwelcomed entry into a hateful world with milk poisoned with hatred and cold reluctant embraces in my earliest days. I survived what I thought to be the worst levels of cruelty. While remaining the most unwanted member of the family, I received merciless beatings. I began to hate the world, to hate myself. What was really the need for my existence? A small insignificant rag doll used for relief of anger?
It’s not like I chose to live. It’s not my fault I was born. But life at home is meant to be warm and comforting not cold and heartless. My father had a sort of attachment to me though. He would occasionally hold me close, comfort me. It was the best feeling in the world.
The dark dripping skies was the place I would escape to, where I would go to relieve myself from my troubles. My only company was a lonely bench. Surrounded by the bare trees and fallen leaves. For you this was the perfect scenery.
The bench was cold and hard. The grey stone comforted no soul but mine. The bright green moss decorating its sides gave a tedious welcome. The benches coldness permeated my warm shield of clothing and seeped into my bones. The branches hung over me, like they were slowly trying to enclose me in your trap. Each twig and stick a minion of yours.
You stole me from the tiny light of the moon. For your own pleasure. Revealing yourself but not with identity. A thin frosty blade pressed against my throat. Gasping for enough air to scream but your skin held me tightly. Shadows walked past but gave no notice. Your grasp made the sting of the bench feel like rose petals. Your body trapped me underneath. Your heavy breathing covered my ears. And I slowly left the scene.
You had no use for me anymore. So you left me, in the flowing water. My bleached skin and icy insides shadowed the rivers current. Covered in my body’s only protection. A thin plastic sheet.
I was never found and I still live where you left me. Now only darkness can see me. I fill your reflection. Now I watch you. I follow your every move. You don’t see me but I know you too well. No one will ever see me again. Everyone has forgotten about me. But do you remember?
Yours Truly
The one you murdered

FudgeBrace

I really like this, it's a different approach and not a lot of people would think of writing from a dead person's perspective. WELL DONE!
To extend it, you might want to talk more about how the person murdered you, or just talk more about how you felt when they left you.

blobtot

Thankyou! Ok, I will try.

Antilles

FudgeBrace wrote:

I really like this, it's a different approach and not a lot of people would think of writing from a dead person's perspective. WELL DONE!
To extend it, you might want to talk more about how the person murdered you, or just talk more about how you felt when they left you.

I was going to be snarky and now I feel bad.

blobtot

Antilles wrote: »

I was going to be snarky and now I feel bad.

why?

FudgeBrace

Snark away Antilles, maybe I'm just a softy haha :P

pickarooney

Why on earth are you not doing higher level English?

How much longer does it need to be? It seems fine as is, formatting aside. More than fine - I'd give you an A+ and throw you out of my class if I were your teacher.

Antilles

blobtot wrote: »

why?

Because being snarky isn't helpful and Fudge's post was.

blobtot

pickarooney wrote: »

Why on earth are you not doing higher level English?

How much longer does it need to be? It seems fine as is, formatting aside. More than fine - I'd give you an A+ and throw you out of my class if I were your teacher.

aw wow thankyou! im awful at english aswell so this means alot! but i have finished it now, i think i made it a bit worse while extending it but its finished so its ok.:)