I'm my own worst enemy.

LegacyUser

Basically the title. It seems like in every aspect of my life I stand in my own way. I am intelligent enough to excel in my studies but I don't put the effort in. I am fun outgoing enough to have a good social life and make good friends but I never make an effort there either. I could be quite good looking if I put a bit of thought into what I wore, or wore more make up, or went to the gym but I don't do that.

Then I sit around feeling bored and disliking myself because I'm not better at things. I can't seem to spur myself to better myself, despite really wanting to. I don't know what I'm looking for here.. a pep talk maybe.

I've joined gyms in the past, I've made study plans, I've been in social situations and been asked to go and said no. I don't know what my problem is.

thefeatheredcat

There seems to be an aspect of "what is the point?" to all these things.... like you don't want to put in the effort because you can't see the point of it. If you can't see the point in something, you would be less motivated to invest resources in it.

As you are the barrier to you progressing, only you can change that.

You say you want those things and to do those things...? Or is it a yeah sure, maybe perhaps I'll go along with it kind of want? Or is it a decisive I want that and I'm going to do X to achieve / do that ? Are you actually passionate and enthusiastic about those things or just passive? Or are they really scary things that are a bit daunting to you and you're just afraid of making mistakes or afraid of accomplishing them to the point you don't have anything else lined up or afraid of exceeding your own expectations or afraid of failure?

I think you need the motivation in seeing what you could potentially lose out on in not having the interest and motivation... in your studies you could get a lesser grade than you think yourself capable of and could kick yourself for years or could effect you continuing further or getting the job you want; with friends they might assume you're distancing yourself or get fed up with you not making the effort and they could end friendships or just not bother with you and so on.

Don't beat yourself up if you're unhappy with yourself.... just make a strong commitment to yourself that you're going to work on these things and take it in baby steps to get where you want to be. The only person standing in the way is you, so you might have to get tough on yourself in being honest with yourself why you're standing in your own way and acknowledge that and be conscious of that to the point that you are actively then tackling those things you want to do /achieve.

Kevster

You say that you aren't sure what your problem is ... I don't see a major problem, based on what you've written. What I would say to you is that you could organise and prioritise things in your life better. Not once did you use the word 'passion' in your post, nor did you mention what it is that you are actually studying. Do you actually like the course content and where it might take you?

I'm a big dreamer and I need constant challenges in my life. I've just come out of years of study where I immersed myself in my books, and now I'll go get a new passion somewhere else. The thing is, I was once like you, but then I stopped listening to others and decided to do what I knew I always wanted to do myself.

Hope that some of what I've written rings some bells!

Take care
Kevin

harry Bailey esq

op you described in a roundabout kind of way that you have no 'get up and go' i was the same for years, this could be linked to depression,in my case it was,a visit to your doc might help,it helped me.i didn't even know i was depressed! best of luck

dellas1979

There seems to be something more underlying here, that you feel towards yourself or another possible reason, as suggested above.

Sometime we just simply dont want to do things/not bothered, for various reasons (I dont have time/im tired/no money/I just dont like doing that).

But when its to a point where for no good reason you feel under motivated or lack of interest in your life, or to do good things for yourself, think you need to get help to understand why.

christinekiki

I used to be like this, at first i blamed it on the fact that i had to move to a new place and was just "settling in". However i was wrong, i was depressed and when i started to see someone about this and recognized that i had a problem i suddenly found the motivation to sort my life out!
I was the same about gyms etc, i knew i should take better care of myself and didn't. it all seemed a lot like effort. Once i had gotten the help i needed though i found the motivation to look after myself.

LegacyUser

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

op you described in a roundabout kind of way that you have no 'get up and go' i was the same for years, this could be linked to depression,in my case it was,a visit to your doc might help,it helped me.i didn't even know i was depressed! best of luck

Thanks everyone for the replies. I think this may have something to do with it alright... I have been to the doctor in relation to anxiety issues I've had in the past and she said I might be depressed. She suggested CBT but at 80-100 euro a session I can't even nearly afford it. I'm scraping by as it is. I've tried acupuncture and yoga and so on. Which are nice but don't seem to really help that much.

I don't feel like I'm depressed enough (if that makes sense) for anyone else to really notice or care. But I'm depressed enough for it to be having a negative impact on my life and productivity. So when I'm underperforming in my studies or work or relationships people don't understand that its due to any real reason... It just makes it worse.

December2012

What do you currently spend your money on? Could you divert some to spend on some CBT?

Jesus Wept

OPagain wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the replies. I think this may have something to do with it alright... I have been to the doctor in relation to anxiety issues I've had in the past and she said I might be depressed. She suggested CBT but at 80-100 euro a session I can't even nearly afford it. I'm scraping by as it is. I've tried acupuncture and yoga and so on. Which are nice but don't seem to really help that much.

I don't feel like I'm depressed enough (if that makes sense) for anyone else to really notice or care. But I'm depressed enough for it to be having a negative impact on my life and productivity. So when I'm underperforming in my studies or work or relationships people don't understand that its due to any real reason... It just makes it worse.

Doing a cdvec cbt course currently. Buy CBT for dummies, typing from my phone but feel free to pm me for a chat if ya like.

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

What do you currently spend your money on? Could you divert some to spend on some CBT?

Bills mainly. I havent bought clothes in a very long time, to the point where I have holes in my jeans. So really any extra money would go to that. A session of CBT a week would cost in the region of 3-400 euro a month. Which is insane. I earn very little and I'm currently saving for a holiday in the summer. I really don't want to cancel that because its really something I'm looking forward to.

I'm going to ask around if there are any places that do reduced rates for counsillors that are still training and stuff.

fyfe79

OPagain wrote: »

I don't feel like I'm depressed enough (if that makes sense) for anyone else to really notice or care. But I'm depressed enough for it to be having a negative impact on my life and productivity. So when I'm underperforming in my studies or work or relationships people don't understand that its due to any real reason... It just makes it worse.

I hear you. Sounds similar to me - I've a lot of things that a lot of people would love to have in their life (beautiful family, good job, health etc). I have no complaints but a lot of the time I feel just apathetic and "bleugh", if you know what I mean? A feeling of 'drifting' through my life that's difficult to get my head around. If someone asked me what was wrong I actually wouldn't be able to pick out anything (not that I even give any outward signs which would make anyone ask me that question).
I certainly don't feel depressed, but I dunno, it's weird, kind of like being in a permanent limbo or something. It's odd. I know where you're coming from.

FizzleSticks

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December2012

opagain222 wrote: »

Bills mainly. I havent bought clothes in a very long time, to the point where I have holes in my jeans. So really any extra money would go to that. A session of CBT a week would cost in the region of 3-400 euro a month. Which is insane. I earn very little and I'm currently saving for a holiday in the summer. I really don't want to cancel that because its really something I'm looking forward to.

I'm going to ask around if there are any places that do reduced rates for counsillors that are still training and stuff.

Good idea. Do try getting help. Can you be out on a public health waiting list?

peter barrins

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peter barrins

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christinekiki

Maybe get the book "depression the common sense approach". I understand what you mean when you say you are not that depressed, but if you are getting down then now is the time to tackle it. I saw a counsillor in North County Dublin- cost 65 a session, maybe not area you are living in but affordable options out there. the golden pages is where i started to look for someone.
If you need any more help or advice PM. And keep talking about it, don't think you should stay quiet because you are "not that depressed".