On being obese, middle aged, bald and flatulent.

Bertie Woot

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of it. I'm fat, bald, middle aged and flatulent from the moment I get up in the morning until I lay my increasingly hairless head down at night. There is no sanctuary, no reprieve. Lord knows, I've tried to control my weight by eating rabbit food and running, but truth be told; I'd rather walk than run, and came to the conclusion that eating rabbit food wasn't fair on the bunnies.

I was never like this when I was younger. I had a full head of hair, could eat rubbish food without piling on the pounds, and flatulence was never an issue. Nowadays I'm trying to fill a void by feeding my face, farting like a champion, and just generally feeling obese, bald, middle aged and fatigued all the time.

Does this phase ease off as you move into your late forties and early fifties?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Bertie Woot wrote: »

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of it. I'm fat, bald, middle aged and flatulent from the moment I get up in the morning until I lay my increasingly hairless head down at night. There is no sanctuary, no reprieve. Lord knows, I've tried to control my weight by eating rabbit food and running, but truth be told; I'd rather walk than run, and came to the conclusion that eating rabbit food wasn't fair on the bunnies.

I was never like this when I was younger. I had a full head of hair, could eat rubbish food without piling on the pounds, and flatulence was never an issue. Nowadays I'm trying to fill a void by feeding my face, farting like a champion, and just generally feeling obese, bald, middle aged and fatigued all the time.

Does this phase ease off as you move into your late forties and early fifties?

Nothing wrong with walking, as long as you do it regularly and often.

Regarding diet, it doesn't have to be rabbit food - just well prepared and with healthy ingrediants. Get the meat from a butcher if you can, cook it yourself and avoid the ready-meals.

December2012

Hi,

Just saw the title - I hope it's ok to post a few weeks after the thread started?

Flatulence is usually caused by an indigestion problem, it could be that you are intolerant to a food staple, like gluten or lactose. That could cause both the belly and the wind.

You can go for allergy tests or else try by process of elimination and see how you feel.

uch

Farting is also a natural by product of Digestion, so maybe you're perfectly normal

Bertie Woot

I am. I am a perfectly normal farter.

OldGoat

I would have replied to this thread earlier but it was far away and I was only walking slowly.

Nowadays I'm trying to fill a void by feeding my face, farting like a champion, and just generally feeling obese, bald, middle aged and fatigued all the time.

Does this phase ease off as you move into your late forties and early fifties?

This is phase one. There is no going back. You must accept that you are forever going to be far from the svelt young athlete that you once were. Those days are gone.

When you go to the poolside you'll be greated with the faint strains of "I am the Walrus" being sung by your wife (or perhaps thats just me).

The real lesson to learn here is not how to recapture your lost youth but to 'big-up' your newfound status. Learn to revel in the glories of not giving a ****e anymore.

Do an image search on "Whatever's Comfortable" - Southern comfort. Thats you that is. :cool:

dub_skav

OldGoat wrote: »

I would have replied to this thread earlier but it was far away and I was only walking slowly.



This is phase one. There is no going back. You must accept that you are forever going to be far from the svelt young athlete that you once were. Those days are gone.

When you go to the poolside you'll be greated with the faint strains of "I am the Walrus" being sung by your wife (or perhaps thats just me).

The real lesson to learn here is not how to recapture your lost youth but to 'big-up' your newfound status. Learn to revel in the glories of not giving a ****e anymore.

Do an image search on "Whatever's Comfortable" - Southern comfort. Thats you that is. :cool:

I love that ad, plus it really is something to aspire to

Bertie Woot

The Southern Comfort man is a hideous ogre.

I may be fat and middle-aged, but never ogreous.

Or maybe that was gorgeous ...

OldGoat

Ogres are the new sexy. At least thats what I keep telling anyone who'll listen.

dub_skav

anfionn

Never give up, Never Surrender.

You are male, so I presume you arent just venting or looking for compassion.

You are:

Bald: tough ****, shave that head:)

Middle aged: Dont sweat it, men are good well into their forties and beyond, and, this is not fixable.

Obese: This is fixable, fix it, or accept it.
You dont specify your exact diet, I presume its absolutely crap,
You dont specify your daily exercise routine, so I presume its crap.

To get back to your ideal weight, your looking at 6 months probably, of eating less than you would like, and exercising, probably you will backslide again,


Flatulent: This is manageable, manage it or, dont.

If you want to change, do it, go to a dietician, go to a gym, read up, get rid of the garbage in your fridge.

IF you dont want to change, dont.

Bertie Woot

anfionn wrote: »

Never give up, Never Surrender.

You are male, so I presume you arent just venting or looking for compassion.

You are:

Bald: tough ****, shave that head:)

Middle aged: Dont sweat it, men are good well into their forties and beyond, and, this is not fixable.

Obese: This is fixable, fix it, or accept it.
You dont specify your exact diet, I presume its absolutely crap,
You dont specify your daily exercise routine, so I presume its crap.

To get back to your ideal weight, your looking at 6 months probably, of eating less than you would like, and exercising, probably you will backslide again,


Flatulent: This is manageable, manage it or, dont.

If you want to change, do it, go to a dietician, go to a gym, read up, get rid of the garbage in your fridge.

IF you dont want to change, dont.

All of that sounds like hard work, so I'll just develop an acceptance and indeed a contentedness with being obese, middle aged, bald and flatulent.

Call Me Jimmy

26 years old, or is it 27 I'm actually not sure now... anyway i've started balding now and I have been given an insight into what it is to be old. I am absolutely dumb-founded as to how anyone deals with it, I suppose only time leads to acceptance. I've been waiting for this acceptance of no longer being a 20 something pup for about 3 years (since I started balding and looking disgusting) and it hasn't come. Maybe it takes 10 years who knows?

I suppose what you do is find some **** your really passionate about. I find though that the older ye get and the less you act on a passion ye can start to see the world as a grey, emotionless environment where working and keeping a roof over your head is the only thing that defines you.

Bertie Woot

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

26 years old, or is it 27 I'm actually not sure now... anyway i've started balding now and I have been given an insight into what it is to be old. I am absolutely dumb-founded as to how anyone deals with it, I suppose only time leads to acceptance. I've been waiting for this acceptance of no longer being a 20 something pup for about 3 years (since I started balding and looking disgusting) and it hasn't come. Maybe it takes 10 years who knows?

I suppose what you do is find some **** your really passionate about. I find though that the older ye get and the less you act on a passion ye can start to see the world as a grey, emotionless environment where working and keeping a roof over your head is the only thing that defines you.

I was an Anarchist punk rocker in my youth and hated middle aged, conventional people who lived for the nine to five, the house, the car, the mortgage, the conventional, humdrum family life, who were essentially lifeless conformist androids. Thankfully, I haven't become one of those.

OldGoat

I have become one of them but I do it ironically.