Should the Church impose a Dress code at Communions and Confirmations?

Cardinal Richelieu

I tried finding an existing thread before starting this one but no luck so apologises if this subject has been done a death in the past.

Yet again the focus has gone on to the cost of Communions and Confirmations especially in these tough times. Is it time for the Church to impose a dress code to curtail the excesses of parents and children as regards outfits at least? We often deride Americans for having Kids Beauty Pageants but Irish Communions and Confirmations seem to have morphed into the very same.

I was in Italy a few years back and came across a Confirmation and all the kids wore white robes. Why can't the Catholic Church impose a dress code that all kids must wear a simple plain robe for Communion and Confirmation? It's fine for Bishops to complain in the media about the excesses of parents and children but until they step in and impose rules IMHO nothing will change. Perhaps it will even help to focus minds on the religious aspect of the big day rather than the materialistic.

coddlesangers

My daughter did her communion in Switzerland last year, everyone wore simple white robes and underneath, whatever getup the child wanted to wear for the rest of the day - in our case it was a nice dress, nothing spectacular, that she could wear again and again. This should be the norm everywhere, it was massively different from my experiences in Ireland with my other children.

doctoremma

I made my communion in the UK. My brother wore his school trousers and shirt and a little tie. I wore a white dress but my mother made it and it was a very basic sundress pattern. It probably cost about a fiver for the whole thing. We each received a fiver for our money box from Mum and Dad and a prayer missal (sp.) from my Nanny, who travelled over to join us for the ceremony.

Similar for others in our school classes. Very little pomp and ceremony. Certainly no limousines or large parties.

martinedwards

I'd be very surprised if it's the church setting the rules.

MUCH more likely to be the "my kids better then yours" arms race.

I have 3 sons who had first communion?confirmation in Hollister style checked shirts and jeans or chinos.

as for dressing little girls up all in white with veils?

the "bride of a paedo" look?

NO

THANKS

lmaopml

Cardinal Richelieu wrote: »

I tried finding an existing thread before starting this one but no luck so apologises if this subject has been done a death in the past.

It comes up a lot on most forums this time of year - but mostly in relation to the grant - 'Exceptional Needs Grant' that some people access. To be honest, I think it was far too extravagant an amount, but then it's been slashed too I think.....

Yet again the focus has gone on to the cost of Communions and Confirmations especially in these tough times. Is it time for the Church to impose a dress code to curtail the excesses of parents and children as regards outfits at least? We often deride Americans for having Kids Beauty Pageants but Irish Communions and Confirmations seem to have morphed into the very same.

I was in Italy a few years back and came across a Confirmation and all the kids wore white robes. Why can't the Catholic Church impose a dress code that all kids must wear a simple plain robe for Communion and Confirmation? It's fine for Bishops to complain in the media about the excesses of parents and children but until they step in and impose rules IMHO nothing will change. Perhaps it will even help to focus minds on the religious aspect of the big day rather than the materialistic.

Afaik the Church don't actually tell the children what to wear - that would be up to the parents.

In many instances it will be a reflection of how the school itself ( if it's one with a Catholic ethos ) works with the parents leading up to both Sacraments - the parents committee etc. would work with parents to see if they could set some guidelines in order to keep the occasion running smooth and uniform, and to keep it enjoyable too for the children in the right spirit.

There is an increasing trend in Ireland to ask the children to wear either a white gown over their outfits, or a gown with the school crest during the ceremony itself. Anything before or after that will be down to the parents themselves. I wore a little dress for my Communion (inexpensive but sweet) and we wore a gown over our school uniform when making our Confirmation.

I always thought it was a bit of an urban legend that the children are arriving in limo's though? I've rarely seen it myself...There's always the odd person who goes ott and will grab attention, set the mouth waggers wagging their mouths - but in my experience most people mark the occasion in the right spirit. The majority of my own peers would have gone out as a family after the ceremony for a meal.

Mind you, bouncy castles and beers for the adults etc. seems to be a must for some parents to mark every and any occasion for their little darlings. I suppose if they have the money to do so then, meh whatever...

Jenny_1997

TK max had communion dresses for 39€ last year.

NIMAN

My niece in NI made hers in her school uniform with some sort of white sash over her neck, same as the entire school.

Don't see why the CC can't get this done in the whole island.

Even €39 could be too costly for some.

MrPudding

martinedwards wrote: »

I'd be very surprised if it's the church setting the rules.

MUCH more likely to be the "my kids better then yours" arms race.

I have 3 sons who had first communion?confirmation in Hollister style checked shirts and jeans or chinos.

as for dressing little girls up all in white with veils?

the "bride of a paedo" look?

NO

THANKS

Non-religious person here, but I do, of course have an opinion.

This was not really something I thought much about until I heard a segment in newstalk 106 some years ago. The guest was a nun that works with prostitutes. As far as she, and her organisation, were concerned First Communion was a major driver for women turning to prostitution. Apparently thousands of women in Ireland temporarily use prostitution as a means to gather money for pay for the ceremony.

It was her opinion that the parish priest could, and should, declare that the ceremony would be held in school uniforms. At the end of the day it is a religious ceremony controlled by the church and held on the church. I would expect that the parish priest would be more than capable of deciding what the dress code for the ceremony would be, and, in fact, it would appear that some already do.

MrP

lmaopml

MrPudding wrote: »

Non-religious person here, but I do, of course have an opinion.

This was not really something I thought much about until I heard a segment in newstalk 106 some years ago. The guest was a nun that works with prostitutes. As far as she, and her organisation, were concerned First Communion was a major driver for women turning to prostitution. Apparently thousands of women in Ireland temporarily use prostitution as a means to gather money for pay for the ceremony.

It was her opinion that the parish priest could, and should, declare that the ceremony would be held in school uniforms. At the end of the day it is a religious ceremony controlled by the church and held on the church. I would expect that the parish priest would be more than capable of deciding what the dress code for the ceremony would be, and, in fact, it would appear that some already do.

MrP

That sounds really odd Mr.P for thousands of women to do that - especially when there was a fairly sizable grant available for those who were finding it difficult for exceptional circumstances. How strange, I'd love to hear the show...

The ceremony itself costs nothing, the cost will depend on how much the parents want to spend on clothes and the celebration.

However, I do agree that it would be much nicer to just have a simple dress code across the board for the actual ceremony. It seems to be a new tradition with Confirmation to wear the gown, but not so much for Holy Communion.

If anybody is finding it very difficult, there are more often than not a number of dresses and little boys outfits donated to the schools too that may help out to make the day special - The schools would be very discreet about these....

MrPudding

lmaopml wrote: »

That sounds really odd Mr.P for thousands of women to do that - especially when there was a fairly sizable grant available for those who were finding it difficult for exceptional circumstances. How strange, I'd love to hear the show...

The ceremony itself costs nothing, the cost will depend on how much the parents want to spend on clothes and the celebration.

However, I do agree that it would be much nicer to just have a simple dress code across the board for the actual ceremony. It seems to be a new tradition with Confirmation to wear the gown, but not so much for Holy Communion.

If anybody is finding it very difficult, there are more often than not a number of dresses and little boys outfits donated to the schools too that may help out to make the day special - The schools would be very discreet about these....

To be honest, I was fairly surprised myself. But I wouldn't think a nun would lie.

I think the issue is, if you are on the dole even with the grant, you are getting the 3 grand dress and the massive party. That is where the issue comes from. It is not poor people just wanting to do communion as cheaply as possible, it is poor people wanting to spend several thousand pounds, a fairly big chunk of that being on the dress.

My first communion was over 30 years ago and the girls wore gowns then.

MrP

lmaopml

MrPudding wrote: »

To be honest, I was fairly surprised myself. But I wouldn't think a nun would lie.

I think the issue is, if you are on the dole even with the grant, you are getting the 3 grand dress and the massive party. That is where the issue comes from. It is not poor people just wanting to do communion as cheaply as possible, it is poor people wanting to spend several thousand pounds, a fairly big chunk of that being on the dress.

My first communion was over 30 years ago and the girls wore gowns then.

MrP

I think the Archbishop did give some recommendations to Parishes, but I can't source the document.....He hasn't got a whole lot of power over what people choose to buy though?

Well, yes that is kind of nutty spending that much money - some people in Irish society must have got quite materialistic I guess, or else they've lost their marbles spending that much. That's progress for ya...lol...

The simpler outfits are much nicer imo.

toomevara

The answer to the OP is a resounding yes. in a past life I did some work for MABS (Money Advice - free service dealing with desperate folk in hock up to their eyebrows, often to loan-sharks etc...) and everyone there used to talk about the dreaded 3-C's, i.e. Christmas, Communion and Confirmation, which regularly tip poor families over the line into poverty and a vicious cycle of debt.
Attended my nieces communion last year in Tipp, she wore her mothers 20 year old communion dress...thats they way to do it...