His place or mine?

JaneeMack

Hi, just wanted to see how people go on about this issue!

Started dating a guy about a month ago and we decided to spend this weekend together to crank things up a notch, so to speak! :P

I'm in my early 30's and he's in his mid 20's. We both work full time and quite busy during the week. I live with a roommate near city centre and he lives with his parents in their house in the suburbs.

He suggested coming over to his place this weekend to spend the night together and hang out during the day the next day cuz his parents will be out early the next morning. But I still can't help feel a bit awkward about doing it (!) when his parents are around the house at night?

I kinda wanna bring him over to my place but I don't want to make my housemate feel awkward. We get along quite well and we are both the same age. She's been a single for almost 1.5 years and doesn't want to date anyone which is totally her choice and I respect that. She has mentioned before how annoying it was when her previous housemate brought a boyfriend over all the time and she couldn't relax in her own house where she pays rent. I totally understand where she is coming from but it's just this will be the first boy I'll bring home and I'm not sure how to go about it!

What are your thoughts about staying at your date's house where the parents are around?

I might just txt her before I bring him over so that she doesn't get frightened in the morning when there's a man around the house. Do you think that's enough?

Thanks!!

LittleBook

JaneeMack wrote: »

She has mentioned before how annoying it was when her previous housemate brought a boyfriend over all the time and she couldn't relax in her own house where she pays rent.

This is a real problem in house shares and comes up on Boards time and time again (both with girfriends and boyfriends). BUT this is not what you're doing. You have every right to have a boyfriend stay over from time to time in your home.

But all credit to you, you're sensitive to her feelings and don't want to discommode her so I would simply tell her in a nice friendly way (today or tomorrow) that you've met someone that you like and will be having them stay over on Saturday night. Some people wouldn't even do that! I wouldn't text her at the last minute just before bringing him over, but that's just me.

Whether it's in his house or yours is a separate issue but personally I can't see the logic in staying over in his parents house when you have a city centre flat to enjoy!

Merkin

Fair play to you for being considerate. I would just talk to her in person and say you'd like to have him over to spend the night and wanted to clear it with her. Say that you won't be monopolosing the living room or communal areas or causing any awkwardness and to all intents and purposes you will keep out of her hair

JaneeMack

Thanks!!

ManOfMystery

It's good that you're being very considerate

As regards his place or yours? It really comes down to who's potentially going to be around when you two are ........ ahem .............. getting into the groove. In which case, I'd personally rather have a similar-aged housemate within hearing distance than 2 parents - it's the lesser of two evils!

If money isn't too tight, you could always make a special night of it and book a hotel somewhere too.

JaneeMack

Haha thanks all for your comments!

He says he doesn't mind that his parents are around that it's none of their business which I agree. I'm quite liberal in my way of thinking but I still find it a bit irksome to get it on when I know there are folks in the other room lol

Yeah we are going away together in about two weeks time so that will be fine but for the moment I guess I will talk to my roommate. She won't say anything even thou she feels a bit uncomfortable about it lol These things are never easy to talk about!

Thanks all for your answers!

Honey-ec

No way in hell would I go to his place if his parents are going to be there. Both of you might think it's none of their business, but the fact is, he's living under their roof, so it is their business. I'd be totally weirded out if someone suggested that to me - have you even met his folks yet?

As others have said, simpy mention to your flatmate that you're having an overnight visitor over and you'll both keep out of her hair. That's all that's required, really.

AnonoBoy

Mention to your roommate that you're planning on having him over.

Any time I house shared with people and they had an evening like that organised I'd make myself scarce for the night so not to be in the way and let them have a good evening by themselves.

Most considerate people will do this as long as they've nothing major planned themselves for the night at home.

afterglow

Hi there OP
I agree with other posters here. Firstly, fair play to you for being so considerate. It's a lovely quality and one that if I were your room mate I'd be very appreciative of indeed.
Now, I can speak about the his place or yours thing from personal experience.
When me and my bf weren't living together, and had to go to either his parents place or mine, I certainly found it very difficult to.............. I would say to be honest, speaking from another girl's point of view, if you have an apartment that's your own and where you pay rent, then spend the weekend there. Explain as others have said that you like this guy and want to spend the weekend with him. I am sure your housemate won't mind.
Best of luck

illicit007

Merkin wrote: »

Fair play to you for being considerate. I would just talk to her in person and say you'd like to have him over to spend the night and wanted to clear it with her. Say that you won't be monopolosing the living room or communal areas or causing any awkwardness and to all intents and purposes you will keep out of her hair

Exactly, you'll be too busy up in the bed she won't even see you too for the majority of the weekend!

point of attention however... double check the bed for squeakness before he comes over. Try and address this issue sooner rather than later

Have fun! haha

Merkin

JaneeMack wrote: »

Started dating a guy about a month ago and we decided to spend this weekend together to crank things up a notch, so to speak!

I also meant to say that I think it would be really very odd to meet his parents at this very VERY early stage of a relationship. I mean I take it you've just made things official, or might not have done yet? If so, sitting down making small talk over your eggs benedict on Sunday morning might be really weird. Meeting the parentals is daunting enough but having them forced upon you at this fledgling stage just means added pressure tbh.

JaneeMack

Merkin wrote: »

I also meant to say that I think it would be really very odd to meet his parents at this very VERY early stage of a relationship. I mean I take it you've just made things official, or might not have done yet? If so, sitting down making small talk over your eggs benedict on Sunday morning might be really weird. Meeting the parentals is daunting enough but having them forced upon you at this fledgling stage just means added pressure tbh.

Haha, yeah, that's what I've been worried about as well. I just told him that we will meet in my place and he says his parents will be out on Sat and Sun early morning and that he still wants it in his place lol plus he promised me to cook up the best ever fry so I guess I will give him the benefit of doubt on this occasion. :P

Next wknd it's in my place thou!!

JaneeMack

illicit007 wrote: »

Exactly, you'll be too busy up in the bed she won't even see you too for the majority of the weekend!

point of attention however... double check the bed for squeakness before he comes over. Try and address this issue sooner rather than later

Have fun! haha

Wahahahahahaha my bed is quite new and sturdy but I think the headboard is a bit noisy, Ah sure i can't do anything about it, can I? :P

Boombastic

JaneeMack wrote: »

Wahahahahahaha my bed is quite new and sturdy but I think the headboard is a bit noisy, Ah sure i can't do anything about it, can I? :P

Move it out from the wall!

iusedtoknow

Jeez, you sound like a better room-mate than I had

You are going about this in the right way, as much as it is your roommates home, it is yours as well, so as long as it's once in a while, i don't think she has too much to complain about.

I'm married 4 years now, and in a relationship 7, and still not comfortable doing it at my parents place (or her parents place) - I would agree with the above, chatting with your room-mate is the lesser of two evils in this one

ibarelycare

I think the bigger issue here than what's going to happen this weekend or next weekend, is what's going to happen going forward. Your housemate has expressed issues with other housemates having partners to stay. You were single when you moved in together so that suited her. But now you're in a new relationship so you're going to have to sit down and discuss it with her. It's fair enough that she won't want you having him over all the time, but I think having him over once or twice a week is perfectly reasonable. Hopefully you'll be able to sort it out with her.

JaneeMack

ibarelycare wrote: »

I think the bigger issue here than what's going to happen this weekend or next weekend, is what's going to happen going forward. Your housemate has expressed issues with other housemates having partners to stay. You were single when you moved in together so that suited her. But now you're in a new relationship so you're going to have to sit down and discuss it with her. It's fair enough that she won't want you having him over all the time, but I think having him over once or twice a week is perfectly reasonable. Hopefully you'll be able to sort it out with her.

Yeah, good point. I don't think I will have him over more than once a week cuz we are both busy working and I also study a few nights a week. =(

I would much prefer a quiet house where I can relax after work so that I can fully enjoy my weekend haha

But nevertheless a very good point and something that I have to clear with her. Haven't had a chance to tell her last night cuz she was in a very bad mood last night

Slutmonkey57b

I would be less concerned about shagging when his parents are around than I would be about the fact that he's in his mid 20's and still lives with his parents...

JaneeMack

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

I would be less concerned about shagging when his parents are around than I would be about the fact that he's in his mid 20's and still lives with his parents...

Yeah I was thinking about that too. He is an only child and he was unemployed for a while last year. He now works full-time and is saving money to buy his own place. He thinks rent is a waste of money - which I partly agree but I'm unable to buy my own place. It is all a personal choice, I guess!

We are just dating and still getting to know each other so it doesn't really concern me. But thanks for your advice.

Slutmonkey57b

JaneeMack wrote: »

Yeah I was thinking about that too. He is an only child and he was unemployed for a while last year. He now works full-time and is saving money to buy his own place. He thinks rent is a waste of money - which I partly agree but I'm unable to buy my own place. It is all a personal choice, I guess!

We are just dating and still getting to know each other so it doesn't really concern me. But thanks for your advice.

Saving money for a house, or being unemployed are all good reasons for needing to move back home, but I've never understood this thing of never leaving home at all once you're an adult.

I'd rather be renting and broke than telling people at the age of 25 "hey guys, free gaff, the old ones have gone to bingo" like a 12 year old.

ibarelycare

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Saving money for a house, or being unemployed are all good reasons for needing to move back home, but I've never understood this thing of never leaving home at all once you're an adult.

I'd rather be renting and broke than telling people at the age of 25 "hey guys, free gaff, the old ones have gone to bingo" like a 12 year old.

That's not what the OP was asking about though. It's his business that he lives at home, and if the OP doesn't have a problem with it then there's no issue.

Richy06

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Saving money for a house, or being unemployed are all good reasons for needing to move back home, but I've never understood this thing of never leaving home at all once you're an adult.

I'd rather be renting and broke than telling people at the age of 25 "hey guys, free gaff, the old ones have gone to bingo" like a 12 year old.

You'd rather be broke and renting than living at home and saving to buy a place of your own?

Somebody cares too much about what people think of them. Of all the reasons not to be flushing your money down the rent toilet, this is a good one. Especially when you consider how stupidly high rent in Dublin is.

JaneeMack

Richy06 wrote: »

You'd rather be broke and renting than living at home and saving to buy a place of your own?

Somebody cares too much about what people think of them. Of all the reasons not to be flushing your money down the rent toilet, this is a good one. Especially when you consider how stupidly high rent in Dublin is.

Yeah, I had my reservations but he's quite good with his money (saving and stuff) and while it is a bit of a hassle to visit him in his house, I don't mind him living with his parents. Sure, I spend a fortune every month paying my rent and bills and end up saving nothing while he saves all that for his mortgage. I think it is all their choice and I'm not going to be the one to judge him.