Wedding speeches

from_atozinc

Hello

As the title suggests, I have a query on wedding speeches. Tried to google it but got no answer, just keeps on giving me wedding speech tips and etiquette.

When did the whole notion of wedding speeches start - like we're they out 70 years ago or has it only started in last 40 years or were they just always the " done thing " ?

Are speeches at weddings mainly an Irish thing ?

Is it frowned upon not to have speeches at weddings ?

Meangadh

I don't know when they started but they're definitely not just an Irish thing, even from TV and films alone you'd often see wedding speeches as part of them.

As for it being frowned upon if there were none- I'd imagine most guests would be relieved not to have to sit through them! I've sat through some particularly cringe speeches. I would have been more than happy if people had omitted them. A wedding I was at last summer, the speeches took 2 and a half hours! Personally I just think that's indulgent, selfish and rude to your guests. Keep them brief (no one individual needs to talk for more than 20 mins max), NO jokes you've googled, keep them fairly relatively clean, a little bit of soppy is ok but loads can be a bit cringe, and there's no need to recount dozens of stories from your youth!

Having said all that, I'm actually not anti-wedding speeches. I've really enjoyed a lot of them, and generally they were the ones that were brief and sincere, you could tell the speakers were fairly comfortable, and they were genuinely funny without adding smut or internet jokes. My favourite ones were from a wedding last summer where the bride, groom and best man only spoke. Really lovely, funny, and sincere. And were over in less than an hour! I do think the key is time though, cos no matter what type of speaker you are, as long as it's fairly brief, your guests will be happy!

sweetie

I would say if you dont want to do speeches at least thank your guests for coming and complement your new spouse.

Clareman

After dinner speeches go back a very very long time, there's a school of thought that thinks that the whole meal part came after the speeches when Greek's would talk for so long that people would grow hungry. Military leaders have a history of giving talks to their trusted generals during/after meals, keep an eye out on TV shows/movies to see how often important discusssions/speeches take place during/after a meal.

Wedding meals should be a rather formal affair, hence an after dinner speech, this wouldn't be unusual though, a lot of former sports people make money by after dinner speeches for Corporate events before matches.

In short, speeches after meals have always been the done thing and continue to be practised for most formal meals (Captains Meals, White House Correspondents, visiting heads of state) not just for weddings.

_ariadne

speeches can be awesome and also a complete bore.
here is an example of the awesome variety.

ABajaninCork

You'd better not go to a black wedding then. There's usually an MC and ANYBODY can step up to the mic and speak! :eek: If you're not careful, speeches can go on for hours...

My favourite story from my Dad was when my parents married. They had the Co-op hall until midnight. The speeches went on for so long, my father jumped up and with much cursing told everyone to either drink or dance, but for F's sake don't speak any more!

When we married, just our fathers, BM, and my husband spoke. I then jumped in at the end, as there were a few people he forgot to thank and I wanted to mention my family who'd flown in from the West Indies to be with us.

Senna

I was at a wedding two years ago where the B&G played a 1 minute pre-recorded video of themselves thanking everyone and really saying everything that needed to be said. The hotel played it just before the B&G was announced into the room and I thought it was excellent, they didn't want speeches so it worked brilliant.

dmm82

We were planning on having our speeches before the meal, they will definitely be short and sweet!! Has anyone been at a wedding where they were done before the meal?

Tombo2001

sweetie wrote: »

I would say if you dont want to do speeches at least thank your guests for coming and complement your new spouse.

That sounds a bit like a speech.......albeit a short one.

Tombo2001

dmm82 wrote: »

We were planning on having our speeches before the meal, they will definitely be short and sweet!! Has anyone been at a wedding where they were done before the meal?

We had planned on that but the problem is with the caterers.....they are standing there with hot food ready to go and they dont know if you will be talking for ten minutes or two hours.....

Gatica

not been to one where the speeches were before the meal. However, at Bellinter House they recommend having speeches before the meal, so there's probably someone out there who's had their wedding there who can comment on that.
Best weddings been to kept speeches short. Our friends said they told parents they had 15 mins and were to stick to it. Not a fan of overly long speeches or wedding ceremony. It's just a long period of time you can't chat to your friends and have to listen to lots of bore (most of the time). A bit of humour and story-telling is nice though.

evilmonkee

If you are unconfortable speaking in public it can make you very nervous and if you have ever tried to eat when you're nervous, you'll know its near impossible and very unpleasant!

I don't imagine any couple wants to make their wedding party uncomfortable, so sometimes speeches are done before the meal so those giving them can actually enjoy their food!

(Thats my experience of things anyway )

Zil2011

Was at a few weddings were speeches were done before the food, generally people are called in for the starter and then the speeches follow that and the restaurant gives a time that speeches have to be finished at. My brother was best man for one of these weddings and said it was the best way as he was so nervous there was no way he could have ate his meal with the nerves of the speech hanging over him.

lazygal

We had ours during the drinks reception, more relaxed for the speakers than facing a seated room. A few of our friends have done this since.

Advise all speakers to keep it short, smut free and include as few childhood anecdotes as possible. My FIL's speech went on for an age and mainly involved unfunny 'jokes' about things my husband did as a child. You could feel the restless boredom in the room and no one thought it was very funny. The speeches my dad, husband and the best man gave were all short and sentimental, can't go wrong with that.

dmm82

Yeh our best man is petrified at the thought of the speech, that's why we want them before the meal, so he can enjoy his dinner, I'm hoping for a max of 20min for all the speeches!!

LadyTBolt

We are not having any speeches at our wedding. I personally don't see the point. Too much time is spent preparing them, its the most nervous thought going through the mind of the person making the speech from the moment they get up in the morning and those who are comfortable and willing to do the speech will probably drivvle on for long enough to put the guests off enjoying it any longer.
I have though been to many a wedding where the speech was done before the meal and this kept everybody happy. Those who made the speeches weren't sick with nerves through their dinner at the thought of it.

King Krib

Our hotel prefer to do speeches after the meal, nothing worse than a room full of hungry guests...

Dubliner28

The wedding speeches are like a mini skirt, long enough to cover the important bits + short enough to keep you interested.

OKvintage

I think that it depends on the people who're lined up to speak THB - my best friend's father spoke for almost 40 minutes at her wedding but it was one of the best speeches Ive ever heard!! My dad last year at my sister's wedding was under 20 mins but fantastic - that said my future bro-in-law was best man before at a wedding we were at and his speech (while grand I thought) went down like a lead balloon (he didnt really know much guests at the wedding - basically just the groom!!) and now my OH doesnt want speeches at our wedding - I think he's afraid of the same thing happening although he hasnt really come out and said that!! But generally I agree with the overall feeling that short and sweet is best IF you choose to go for it and its always nice to thank people for coming!!