Stressed and can't face another day in my job

LegacyUser

Hi all, as the title reads I can't face another day in my current job. My head isn't in the right place and as such I hope I can be objective.

I have dealt with depression and anxiety for many years (undiagnosed) and I'm lucky that I have been able to have a good attitude and force myself to face fears and stress. I've been in my job for 6 years now. In the last 10 months I have taken on a more "key" role with heavy responsibility. The long hours and constant feeling of panic have really taken their toll i.e. on-going projects tied in with meeting very demanding deadlines. When I'm in work I'm constantly on high alert and racing through a huge amount of very difficult tasks. When I'm home I can't stop my mind racing, constantly stressing about all of the things I have to do and haven't done.

I have never raised issues of stress in work and when I'm asked how I'm getting on I say something similar too "as it is for everyone I'm very busy but getting through it".

I can't go in tomorrow. I'm not right physically or mentally.

I am thinking of emailing my manager and explaining the situation, saying I have to go to the doctor regarding this but also I'm giving my 4 weeks notice. I know this will come as a shock and she will think "why has he never raised any issues before". By not going in I will make a lot of people very angry/bitter as I lead most of the processes I am responsible for and training of other "operators" has not been completed.

So what I need for my own well-being is to see a doctor but also not go back to the job. However, I don't want this to affect my career. I've recently bought a house and don't want to put my partner under any more hardship because I can't get another position of similar pay. I'm worried that effectively walking out of my job will ruin my chances with other employers. Please advise.

I realise that giving my notice and then hoping to get some sort of stress leave to cover this period sounds bizarre and silly but I cant jeopardise the chance of getting another job ASAP. I really can't go back to my current job.

Sorry for rambling and all advice welcome.

Whether I should or not I feel extremely down, embarrassed and ashamed.

Thanks for your time.

Taltos

OP

please don't do anything rash about your job - I mean don't just fire off an email or quit.
Instead go to your GP today, let work know you are ill and that you are going to the GP but don't go into any details. Tell your GP how you are feeling and get some advice on how you can address this with your management.

There are some things you can do when you come back to work.
1. Get some interests outside of work that help tire you out physically/mentally - in my case I go to the gym, take classes, play the PS3 (big time), read, cycle etc. Set something different to do each weekend that you can keep focussed on - eg plan a hike / walk or a new drive.
2. Say no - as crass as this sounds sometimes the best thing you can do in work is actually refuse to take on a new task or responsibilitiy. Push back - but in a constructive fashion. "Sorry Mary, I am tapped out now with xyz. If this new job is critical though maybe you can help me reprioritise what you currently have me working on?"
3. Ask for help - if you have too many jobs or deliverables request a 1-2-1 with your boss and ask for some help in redistributing some of the jobs.

You mention you haven't talked to your boss about stress, raise this with your GP and get some tips on how best to go about this and also look into Burn-Out. There are steps here you can take with help to turn this around - just don't be afraid to ask for help.

Lollipops23

I'd echo the above- by all means take some time off and see your GP. Work have no idea how awful you're feeling right now, if you tell them you've spoken to your GP and are in a bad way, they may be able to put some sort of support in place to help you? I'm sure they want you to be the best you can be- being so stressed and anxious that you're becoming ill is NOT what they want either.

Well done on recognising that things aren't ok-honestly, that is half the battle. You need to take care of yourself, and get some sort of outlet for your anxiety and stress (maybe therapy, maybe a sport or another hobby).

Give yourself a chance and room to catch your breath.

LegacyUser

Please take the great advice the others have given you and don't do anything rash. Years ago I got a job that stressed me out so much that I walked out one day and never came back. Initially I was exhilarated because I was crying in the mornings before I went in.

Then reality struck. I found it hard to get another job because I wasn't working. This was in the "good times" by the way. All the time I was still trying to pay my car loan and keep a roof over my head on the dole. I felt worthless and worried about the future. Would I ever work again?

Thankfully I did get another job but the months I spent on the dole taught me a harsh lesson. If I ever run into a problem like this again I hope I'll be sensible enough to seek help or handle things better. Running away solves nothing.

ManOfMystery

I agree with others OP - DO NOT make a rash decision.

I've been in my role for 10 years and there have been many days when it's been very stressful and I felt like throwing the towel in. But I didn't, and I'm glad I didn't as things improved and I'm quite happy in the job now.

You may feel stressed now, but don't assume that if you quit the job it would be a weight off your shoulders. Suddenly you would have a mortgage with no income, and it will be a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire. That will bring it's own kind of stress.

The job isn't really the issue here IMO - it's your reaction to the stress of the job and how you manage that which needs to be looked at. There may be ways to fix this situation without leaving, but you're really going to have to talk to a superior in your work and get their input. Don't be scared to ask for help.

LegacyUser

Firstly, thanks to all who have replied. Great advice. I'm going to see the doctor on Monday and see from there.

If anyone has further advice, a different take on things or anything more to add then please post.

Thanks again.

kiffer

There is one Calvin and Hobbs strip in which Calvin asks his father how people know what the weight limit on a bridge is... his father replies, "they drive bigger and bigger trucks over it untill it falls down and then they rebuild the bridge"...
An engineer freind of mine and I were looking at a bridge and noticed some cracks... I was alarmed but he said "no it's ok, it just shows that the bridge has taken the load and it's ok".

If you don't think tell people that you need to slow down before you fall down they will keep pushing.
It's ok to crack a little it's better than a catastrophic collapse... tell your boss and co workers that you are stressed, too stressed and that you need to ease off for a while. They might say everyone is stressed but you need to say that you've been hiding the fact that you are too stressed for a while now and that you don't just need "no more new work" but in fact you've taken on too much and need to slow down a little and/or help with time/stress management

LegacyUser

I know how you feel. A few years ago I was working for a company in one area and they asked me to move to another department as I had experience.
I was getting on well her until my boss came back from leave.
From then it went downhill. My work load was enough for 2 people and no matter what I did it was not enough or it was wrong.
The people I worked with even said to me how was I putting up her and the work load?
Like you I needed some time away from work so I went to my doctor and got a sick cert due to stress.
I was sleeping and eating better at this time and getting away from work give me some time to think. I decided to look for another job and handed in my notice when I got a new job.
It's good that you have realised that you need help and you will feel better when your get this. I would try and get some time away from work to have a rest and eat properly.
I know that the state sick pay is not a lot but your long term health is more important.
Things can and do get better.