Would you get involved with a fight your child was having?

sashafierce

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SusieBlue

I can only speak from my own experience but myself and one of my childhood close friends had a fall out about two years ago. My parents still salute her, they're still friendly with her parents (well, they'd stop to say hello if they saw them) and often ask about how she is. I have absolutely no issue with this because I had the issue with her - Not my parents.

Similarly my OH fell out with one of his friends (who happens to be a gob****e but that's irrelevant) and I'd say hello if I passed him in the street despite the fact him and my OH don't speak any more.

I think ignoring someone your child had a fall out with is highly immature and childish. No need at all for it - Why make an already awkward situation even more awkward?

sashafierce

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anncoates

Of course not. How childish.

You're an adult and should be above it unless it's something serious like actual bullying.

sashafierce

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Taltos

OP - the PI forum is to help those seeking advice on a personal issue. It is not the right forum for a general discussion. As your posts have not made any reference to a specific issue you may be seeking help with we are closing this thread.
If this is a personal issue please PM the mods with how this is a personal issue and we will reopen this for you.

Thanks for clarifying over PM how this is a personal issue for you, it might help your replies here to put more context foward to the posters.

All the best
Taltos

Queen-Mise

sashafierce wrote: »

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She doesn't make you feel like that - you choose to allow it/choose to let it affect you.

sashafierce

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Stavro Mueller

There isn't a pill you can take that will stop you feeling so awful when you encounter this person. All you can do is try to work around it as best you can.

Keep telling yourself these people do not have the right to get in under your skin. How dare they? They are not worth it. It might help too if you understand where they're coming from. Blood is thicker than water as you know and it makes people do odd things sometimes. You're the bad guy in this scenario for not wanting to stay friends with their wonderful relative.

If you're not doing so already, I recommend you try to avoid interacting with them as much as you can for the time being. I'm not saying you should go hide when you see them coming or anything but it's better for you not to put yourself into those awkward positions. You know they don't like you and that's the way it's going to be.

sashafierce

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Stavro Mueller

Just because your parents aren't like that doesn't mean this other family is the same. There's no point in trying to compare the two. Be glad your family are decent people and that you're not stuck with the other lot. Concentrate your energies into learning to cope with their behaviour. What they're doing is spiteful and petty but you've got to understand that there is nothing you can do to change this. You can't make them like you or stop doing what they're doing. It's up to you to learn to cope with it.

sashafierce

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Big Bag of Chips

You don't know what they think. You don't know what your friend has told them happened. You don't know what she told them about you.

You have given your parents your version, and they are sensible enough to not involve themselves.

She has given her parents HER version.. they have chosen to ignore you.

All you can do with that is carry on. You won't change them. And I can 100% guarantee - this and their reaction to you, is bothering you more than it is them...

Do you think you are consuming THEIR thoughts? I doubt it.

Queen-Mise

sashafierce wrote: »

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Of course it is a choice.

If someone calls me a 'twat' or a 'stupid whore', for example, it is my choice whether I take this opinion on board [take it personally].

Feelings are not good or bad, nor right or wrong. They are what they are.

YOU allow her to make you feel bad. You give her the power to affect YOUR feelings.

LegacyUser

I went to see a counselor over problems I was having with a colleague. I was subjected to psychological bullying and it really was upsetting at the time.

After some counselling sessions, have I any groundbreaking insights or advice for you? Not quite. When push comes to shove you do have a choice. Either you let the actions of your ex-friend's family upset you or you don't. My counselor did some visualization exercises with me. For example, on day 1 I was asked what sort of animal I considered my bully to be. After that we always referred to her as this animal. I think the purpose of this exercise was to turn her into something less significant in my mind.

The counselor also suggested trying to look more kindly at her as well. This didn't work very well for me because this woman was a right piece of work lol. It might work for you if you take on board the idea that they're only going on what your friend told them.

After all that, you're on your own. Try not to let what is happening consume you. It has been pointed out that their actions aren't costing them a thought and this is true. They see you, they behave like knobs and once the moment has passed they go back to whatever it was they were doing. You are the one who is hurting.

Pat McGhee

OP you're clearly the bigger person here so why not let your behaviour reflect that. Show them what it is to be a mature adult and salute them as you pass, or smile a big beaming smile when you see them at your work. Carry on as you normally would and they wont be long feeling idiotic and childish, particularly if other people are around.

Big Bag of Chips

Pat McGhee wrote: »

salute them as you pass, or smile a big beaming smile when you see them at your work.

OP, this is what I do with rude people in general! I used to work in a coffee shop, and would be almost over the top polite & friendly to the cranky ones! Offering to carry down their tray, for no reason other than to be nice! I'd hang around the exit as they were leaving making sure to catch their eye and smile my biggest smile, while saying 'thanks very much for coming in, see you again the next time'

I used to get great pleasure from seeing them getting more and more annoyed because I was cheerful and they weren't!

And sometimes, they even softened to me.!And occassionally I would 'turn' people who would eventually start smiling back at me.

If nothing else you can have a bit of fun with their childish behaviour. That's what people mean when they say you can choose how it makes you feel.

Next time you see them, big smile and say loudly... Hiya, *Mary*! Always use their name too... It makes it harder to ignore you!!

And have fun!