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In Love with best mate

  • 06-03-2013 12:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Basically, I have BiPolar disorder and it has been getting progressively worse. I have low self esteem and find it extremely difficult to trust people. My best mate has always been there for me and he has helped me a lot. When I was younger I was abused by a close family member and it has always messed me up. Im a guy and I am straight however, I have started getting feelings for my mate (whos a guy).

    I have told him about them and he was sound saying it didn't bother him. I think its just because he was the only one I trust properly. He has a girlfriend now and it is killing me. I don't really know what to do. I know if I had a gf it be fine, but I just cannot see that happening with the way I am at the moment.


Comments

  • #2
    mathproblem
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 455 ✭✭mathproblem


    I hope you are getting the right help with your BiPolar firstly. You may want to ask whoever you're dealing with to put some sort of plan together to deal with the two specific issues you mentioned next of your Low Self esteem & your inability to trust people. Maybe your doc can advise you on a councilor or therapist to focus on them issues specifically. The same with the abuse in your past.

    It's good that you have this mate who is there for you. It's understandable in the absence of other connections & with your history that you would develop feelings for him, the first person you developed a trust with. You have told him & he is still there for you as a friend but it's pretty clear that he has a GF & want's to be your friend, nothing more. You might jeapordise what you have with him if you make things get too weird by pushing it too far.

    Don't give any form of sexual confusion, "am i straight, gay, what box do I fit in" a second thought. It's about getting close to people, you have allowed yourself to trust & learn to get close to him, now I'm sure you can learn to get close to others. See it as a positive & use it as a model to build other positive relationships, but boundaries are important too, he's set his limits, respect them.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the advice. I've actually been getting much better recently. The one thing that is holding me back is myself and my mate. We sat down had a chat about it, he took it well and I copped on how stupid I was being. I don't have any feelings for him now, but when I hear about him and his gf it really annoys me and sends me into a depressive episode.

    I don't know why, I think it's because I am really jealous of him, which makes me even worse, because if I am jealous and don't want him to have a gf, what type of mate am I? I suppose, I don't understand why he can be happy but I am stuck in a rut hating life.

    I think I am almost in a competition with him, in my mind. I keep comparing my life with his and always look at what he has got which is better than me etc. I don't know what to do.


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