new job, boyfriend not happy

LegacyUser

Myself and my partner of about a year moved in together recently. We'ed been having a long distance relationship til then and it had been a bit rocky. We actually split for about a month at one stage but he convinced me to give it another try and that's when we decided if we wanted to give it a proper shot I would move to where he lives since he had a good job and I was just doing a few hours in a shop.

I have a good education but very little practical experience in my study area. I've been looking for work for the last two years with poor results. My boyfriend encouraged me to apply for a job in his company, both of us thinking I might get some work here and there with them to build up my cv.

Only three weeks ago they gave me a job, and a short term contract. My boyfriend is raging. He has all but asked me to quit as he doesn't want us working together. I never would have applied if I knew he felt this way. Needless to say the relationship is on the rocks again and he has become impossible to live with. He goes from ignoring me for days to being hostile towards me.

I realise I probably only got the job because he works there but I'm not in a position to turn down the first job I've ever been offered in the area I've studied. I've told him I will continue looking for something else but I cant just give it up just to go back onto the dole. That's still not good enough for him.

So I'm living in a city that's still very new to me, with a man who I thought cared about me but obviously doesn't. I have a brilliant new job opportunity but I'll probably have to work alongside my hostile ex if I continue with it. And I have to figure out where I'm going to live now. I paid the deposit on the apartment but I'm not sure I could afford the whole rent alone, or even if he'd agree to move out.

username123

I dont understand, he encouraged you to apply for the job but now doesnt want you to take the job? Why did he encourage you to apply for it in the first place?

Take the job and tell him to stop acting like a child, its not all about him and presumably as both of ye are old enough to rent apartments and have full time jobs he is an adult - so tell him to act like one.

ManOfMystery

Has he actually explained at any point why he isn't happy for you to be working in the same company as him?

im confused again

I think he needs to explain to you what the real problem is!! He is behaving in a very childish way and to be honest doesn't seem like somebody you want to be ina relationship with.
If you are a strong person then the simple answer is to stay in the job and don't put up with his childishness.
He sounds very irrational and unreasonable, not good characteristics for a long term relationship!!

ABajaninCork

The man ought to act his age and not his shoe size! He's playing the fool now as you are no longer as dependent on him...

In any case, if you walk out on the job for no good reason (other than your OH being a horse's ass), then you won't get dole for 9 weeks. He'll then have to support you. He needs to think on that.

Just take the job. Don't put up with any more crap. Either he sucks it up, or you split. If he continues to behave in this manner, this relationship doesn't sound like a winner. He's controlling, if you ask me.

stargazer 68

I have to agree with the other posters OP - he is being unfair and very childish

However - lets play devils advocate. Is it a large company or a small one? Will you be working next to him or will he be your supervisor? If so then possibly that is what the problem is but you need to ask him why he is so upset with you working with him

My sis and her fiance worked together for 8 years with no problems at all!!

mathproblem

i think he/youse made a mistake moving in together & getting jobs together after you had been having the rocky period earlier. As if by jumping into things together it could solve everything that was wrong before, never works.

That being said, you are in it now & it looks like your career is going in the right direction for once & it looks like the relationship has run its course. If at all possible I'd move out if i were in your shoes, keep the job & tell him it's time to deal with the fact that it didn't work out. It sounds like he is still gonna be sore about the fact that you will be knocking about his work place but after you tell him to grow up & act like an adult there's not much more you can do.

You will have to learn to not let it get to you him being annoyed around the place. The one problem with that plan however is that your contract is only temporary, has he got the power in your work to get you squeezed out once it's over? Could you end up moving out into accommodation that you wouldn't be able to afford should you get let go?

Now that you have some experience in your field on your CV you can begin to put yourself about in the jobs market a bit more & see what's out there as well.

LegacyUser

Take the job. It could be the making of you for the rest of your life.

He, on the other hand, sounds like a Grade A pillock.

I've worked with my other half and it was fine. You have nothing to worry about, he, on the other hand, seems to have something to hide.

meeeeh

Did you get higher or better paid position?

I worked in family run business for almost my whole working life and curently I work together with my bf. There are different pros and cons but it really shouldn't be a big deal especially since you are on a short therm contract. Unless he has something to hide or envies you.

dannyc31

hi OP sounds like you are with a bit of a control freak there. he might have insecurities about how he acts in his professional life and is worried that you would see him being a completely different person in the work place or you might expose the real him to your new colleagues. alot of men can create a different persona in the work place feeling it will help them get ahead. it very rarely does as the people who do progress tend to be those who are themselves, not fake and instead are trustworthy.

on the other hand its moving very rapidly all of a sudden. from going from seeing each other at the weekends to living & working together is very heavy stuff. men generally need their space in a relationship and he may just feel a bit suffocated. the reality of the relationship may be actually hitting him now and he may not actually want it to get so serious so fast.

anyways the thing you need to do is talk to him, but if i were you i would take the job first and sort any issues with him after. its no climate out-there to be turning down any jobs for any reason.

LegacyUser

Your boyfriend sounds like some one who wants to be boss. He was telling you to get a better job which you did and now he is not happy. When you are in work you could see a totally different side to him and maybe he knows this.
I would tell him that you are not going to leave this job to suit him. If he does not like this I would start to look for a new place to live. Even a house share would be better for you than living with him and doing what he wants.
If you decide to finish this relationship I would tell him that you are both adults and you don't want any trouble in your new job from him.

I would not leave a job in your chosen career area as you know without experience it is hard to get a job in some areas. You need to see that this job is the start you have been looking for. The skills and experience you get now will help your career long term so don't give up your dreams for you present boyfriend.

kiffer

Seems odd to encourage you to apply and then get upset with your success... is it a better job than his? Does it mean he has to be on his best behaviour in work?
Take the job absolutely...
The thing I find a bit ironic is that there is a good chance what's upsetting him is that he's afraid if you start working in the same place and later break up he'll be in an awkward position and that upsettedness is what's making him act so poorly and damaging the relationship creating a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. Its reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one that thinks he's being very unreasonable. Its not a better job than his, its an entry level position, he's further up.

I think your right kiffer. He has said he thinks its unhealthy to be working and living together, he's worried that any personal problems we have will interfere with his job. All fair points, but all points he should have made before he encouraged me to apply. Then maybe we could have sorted this out like adults before it became a massive issue.