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What do you think of these lyrics?

  • #1
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭✭✭ The L.B. Saga


    This is my first time writing lyrics. I live in Co. Galway if anybody wants to know. I've no knowledge of melodies or anything and I realize some of the sentences don't rhyme, and I'm incredibly shy about posting these. :o But I'm doing it. Don't hold back, give me some advice.

    Just be honest like.


Comments



  • The soul music is waiting, my friend
    You just gotta tumble right around the bend,
    Squeeze every last piece of memory into your mind,
    But please don't get stuck in a nostalgic bind.

    You see, youse a goddamn mess
    Believe in the best,
    Cause you've gotta brain infection,
    Relieve yourself of all diseases and get ready to dance.
    Maybe after you pop the magic pills you'll stumble around in a trance.

    Suffer the epiphany of the beautiful LSD
    Because you've gotta be the most spiritual of 'em all
    Be on top like Harold Gafall
    And just love the **** out of everything; them all.

    I hear the cannons of death firing,
    Burning, transpiring,
    You must have the trembling of horror,
    Be ready to feel the sorrow

    Why, you can't be different on the island
    Presented with the illusion of thought; why then?
    I ask of you, general society
    Can you handle the truth of the ultimate monstrosity?

    There ain't never enough love to go around,
    Just too many bad feeling missiles shattering against the ground,
    Damn, you can feel the walls falling down,
    And yet you still wear a crown.

    The drivel is immense but it ain't bull****,
    Once you drop the hit,
    Light the spliff
    And fall back into your eternal wasteland,
    Where you can for all eternity dance.

    I do realize some of the lines are bull**** and don't make sense.




  • This is my first time writing lyrics. I live in Co. Galway if anybody wants to know. I've no knowledge of melodies or anything and I realize some of the sentences don't rhyme, and I'm incredibly shy about posting these. :o But I'm doing it. Don't hold back, give me some advice.

    Just be honest like.

    Great stuff, mad as bejasus.
    More please!




  • 9959 wrote: »
    Great stuff, mad as bejasus.
    More please!

    Thank you. :) You think they're good? I think they're strange and odd and somewhat difficult to understand, but they make perfect sense to me. Many of the lines are analogies.

    Here's a few lyrics. They'd be like, a 1 minute or so song I'd say. Again, please be honest, and point out any faults. Help me out! :D

    I realize much of it doesn't rhyme.

    The goddamn rats over all the wreck,
    It's a mess in Hell.
    Don't know where to go or what to do in Hell,
    But I hear the bell ringing.

    There ain't no way out unless you go the rebel route,
    Walk past the manor on your daily journey.
    Destruction awaiting around the corner,
    Seek out an old idol in the recesses of thought.

    Play a song and stimulate your creativity.
    But you still don't know where to go or what to do,
    Maybe play the soul machine,
    But fail and decide to die yet again.




  • Thank you. :) You think they're good? I think they're strange and odd and somewhat difficult to understand, but they make perfect sense to me. Many of the lines are analogies.

    Here's a few lyrics. They'd be like, a 1 minute or so song I'd say. Again, please be honest, and point out any faults. Help me out! :D

    I realize much of it doesn't rhyme.

    The goddamn rats over all the wreck,
    It's a mess in Hell.
    Don't know where to go or what to do in Hell,
    But I hear the bell ringing.

    There ain't no way out unless you go the rebel route,
    Walk past the manor on your daily journey.
    Destruction awaiting around the corner,
    Seek out an old idol in the recesses of thought.

    Play a song and stimulate your creativity.
    But you still don't know where to go or what to do,
    Maybe play the soul machine,
    But fail and decide to die yet again.

    You've gone and done it again, great stuff.
    I particularly like the way you avoided the obvious hell/bell rhyme by cunningly adding the descriptive word 'ringing', nice one.

    By the way, a couple of threads down from this one - "I reckon I am a gifted songwriter......" there's an inordinately talented melodist named 'jamahole' who, by his own admission, ain't too clever in the lyrics department, perhaps you two should hook-up to form a killer songwriting partnership.
    The L.B. Saga v jamahole, or even THE JAMAHOLE SAGA!

    Don't forget me when you get to the top, even a fiver would be nice.
    Good luck to you!




  • 9959 wrote: »
    You've gone and done it again, great stuff.
    I particularly like the way you avoided the obvious hell/bell rhyme by cunningly adding the descriptive word 'ringing', nice one.

    By the way, a couple of threads down from this one - "I reckon I am a gifted songwriter......" there's an inordinately talented melodist named 'jamahole' who, by his own admission, ain't too clever in the lyrics department, perhaps you two should hook-up to form a killer songwriting partnership.
    The L.B. Saga v jamahole, or even THE JAMAHOLE SAGA!

    Don't forget me when you get to the top, even a fiver would be nice.
    Good luck to you!

    I appreciate the kind words, it means a lot to me. Unfortunately I haven't even learned to play an instrument yet, so need to fix that up this year. :pac: I want to be in some kind of band in a few years. You see, I'm only a teenager, and I'd like to be in a Psychedelic rock band, ala Jefferson Airplane, The Doors, etc.

    Thank you once again.


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  • The fear of the loss pushes me to anger,
    I cannot understand why you poison yourself,
    It's too much for me to handle, I cannot bear it,
    I simply don't understand why you swear by it,
    Falling apart bit by bit.

    The master is ravaging through town,
    Frightening those in the vicinity,
    Once again you see;
    I must be coy.

    As this taboo eats me alive.


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