Does everybody go through this phase?

den87

Hey, just looking to see if people can shed some light on something that's been bugging me for a bit.

I'm 26 male and broke up with my gf of 5 years about a year and a half ago. I've done the grieving process, had some ups and downs but feel as if im in a good place at the moment, except for one thing. In my head it feels like I'll be alone forever.

I know it sounds stupid, all I want is a girlfriend, someone to do stuff with. I have been with girls since my ex but nothing long term. I see all my buddies planning holidays and doing stuff with their gf's and I miss all that stuff. And lately all that's in my head is that I'll be alone forever.

I've tried a few dating sites but no major luck.

Has anyone else gone through this? Am i just being stupid?
Thanks for reading.

judgefudge

No you're not alone. A lot of people experience that sure. I was broke up from a relationship of four years, played the field a bit and a year later started to want to meet someone...

In my personal opinion, havin done some of the online dating thing, it doesn't work for a lot of people. You are better off trying to meet someone in "real life". Do you have an active social life.

I was lonely for a few months and started wondering was I left on the shelf but as soon as I stopped worrying about it I met someone who I'm still seeing.

im confused again

I actually found online dating very good, I used a site called Parship. When you join you answer loads of questions, answer them carefully if you decide to give it a go. When finished the questions they use your answers to profile you and match you to people with compatible profiles. I used it, and ended up meeting the most wonderful woman and we think the same on so much stuff. It doesn't work for everybody but it certainly worked for me.

beks101

I go through that a little whenever I'm feeling low.

Right now I'm dealing with a major romantic disappointment, I'm hurt to the core and have convinced myself that I'll be that bag lady with the overgrown garden that smells of wee

But that's just really reactionary to the dating experience that has knocked my self esteem, if I was in a happy place I wouldn't have a care in the world.

So I guess that's what you have to ask yourself. How happy are you? Are you in a good place? Is your life full? Do you keep yourself busy and challenged and active and social? I think when you're feeling low, the natural inclination can be to shy away from life, sit in and just let yourself feel lonely, when that's exactly when you should be doing the opposite.

Go on those trips away, do it with a group of friends or go on your own, you'll meet plenty of people along the way. Being single doesn't mean your life has to be quiet with less social opportunities; and getting into a relationship just so you can have an activity partner is just downright dumb and a recipe for disaster.

den87

beks101 wrote: »

I go through that a little whenever I'm feeling low.

Right now I'm dealing with a major romantic disappointment, I'm hurt to the core and have convinced myself that I'll be that bag lady with the overgrown garden that smells of wee

But that's just really reactionary to the dating experience that has knocked my self esteem, if I was in a happy place I wouldn't have a care in the world.

So I guess that's what you have to ask yourself. How happy are you? Are you in a good place? Is your life full? Do you keep yourself busy and challenged and active and social? I think when you're feeling low, the natural inclination can be to shy away from life, sit in and just let yourself feel lonely, when that's exactly when you should be doing the opposite.

Go on those trips away, do it with a group of friends or go on your own, you'll meet plenty of people along the way. Being single doesn't mean your life has to be quiet with less social opportunities; and getting into a relationship just so you can have an activity partner is just downright dumb and a recipe for disaster.

Ya I suppose you are right, haven't really been keeping myself that active lately. Will try and do a bit more.

catallus

For what it's worth, I think everyone has a total breakdown in their 20's, which, if you think about it, is the perfect time to have it!

But I guess nobody talks about it.

I mean you think it's the end of the world, but it's not really, and you think you'll never find another person, but you more than likely will.

Cupcake_Crisis

You're most certainly not alone op, i'd say the majority of people feel that way at some time. I've been there myself, still get in from time to time, and i know it's a really shattering, dark place to be.

Try to look at the positive things, you've had other short term relationships, and don't sound like you're hung u on your ex, so clearly you dont have a problem there. It's just a waiting game I'm afraid. The right girl to do all these things with will come along. And she sounds like she'll be a lucky lady when she does.

Sunshine87

I had been going through this. I've only had one 'kind of' serious relationship in my life, and for me it was, but the guy was a compulsive liar (and i was a rebound), and it only lasted less than a year, what a waste of time on my part. Which is time i will never get back unfortunately.

Never got into a relationship since (2 years since), cos tbh i haven't found any guys i can trust, they all seem to want one thing, which is a shame. People often say i'm attractive (not being big headed, i think i'm just average), but i can come across as aloof most of the time.

But anyways, i have stopped looking in the past year as i am saving up to start a new life in Canada/Australia with my mates, and tbh thats all that matters to me now; to have fun in my twenties, travel countries i've always wanted, meet loadsa people as i know i will never get the chance to be selfish again! Infact i found a new lease of life ever since i made the decision to emigrate, something to look forward to, and i would not be able to do this if i was settled So putting it this way, i'm finally grateful to be single, i think singlelife is under-rated if you don't use it to your advantage!

Anyways my point is to do something for yourself, your only in your twenties, go and have fun and don't be worrying about settling down, you have your thirties to do that!

Good luck

ash23

Ah OP I think everyone goes through a bit of this. I had a pretty atrocious breakup about 5 years ago. I'd say it took me a good 2.5 years to be even remotely interested in another relationship and another 1.5 years to meet someone.
And now that has ended and I'm back to licking my wounds again. Except this time I'm in my 30s!!!!

I was sitting in a school event (I have a child) and was feeling sorry for myself but when I was looking around at all the married people, I just had to remind myself that they weren't any different to me. Not better, not worse. That I deserve someone just as much as they do and I'm as likely to find someone as anyone else is.

All I need to do is move on from the recent breakup and get back out there.
(that bit is the hard part in my experience)

den87

Thanks for all the opinions and comments guys. Good to know there's others that think/thought the same