All men are potential abusers

CdeC

I just wanted to say that I really feel that all these campaigns are completely sexist.
They seem to suggest that only men are abusers and woman are victims.
Whilst I do not agree with domestic violence in any form I am sure that there are plenty of men who are being psychologically and physically abused but suffer in silence as it is not ok for men to be upset or emotional as it is deemed as unmanly.

Also the unfortunately named Manup campaign is completely undoing the good work done in the past few years to get men to open up more and talk about issues. Suicide is still quite prevalent in young men here in Ireland. Telling young men to "man up" in any context is not a helpful message. We don't ask woman to "woman-up" so why do men have this responsibility.

Surely a campaign that involves both genders, specifying that abuse to your partner in a relationship is out of order would be a better idea.

Ironically I find that these campaigns are actually abusive to the Male gender.

Also the 2in2u campaign has these teddies, one of which says "where are you?"

how is that an abusive message???



http://www.safeireland.ie/manup/

http://www.womensaid.ie/campaigns/2in2u.html

smash

Here we go again... €5 admission fee folks...

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

look, men are evil. just accept it.

TGi666

Young men are bad drivers too

Praetorian Saighdiuir

I know a guy whose girlfriend used to beat the crap out of him. I wouldn't mind but he is a big guy but would never lay a finger on her. The last straw was when she hit him in the back of the head with a stool and kicked him down the stairs in the same day. We knew nothing about it until he broke up with her, went on for months.

Crazy bitch, if a fella did that he would do time.

eviltwin

I suppose those Childline ads mean all adults are hitting or raping kids too. And the drink drive ads mean all drivers like to have a few.

antodeco

Sure its a wonder where we find the time to be abusing people with all the drink driving, drug dealing and boy racing we do

jhegarty

eviltwin wrote: »

And the drink drive ads mean all drivers like to have a few.

No , just young male ones.

CdeC

Praetorian Saighdiuir wrote: »

I know a guy whose girlfriend used to beat the crap out of him. I wouldn't mind but he is a big guy but would never lay a finger on her. The last straw was when she hit him in the back of the head with a stool and kicked him down the stairs in the same day. We knew nothing about it until he broke up with her, went on for months.

Crazy bitch, if a fella did that he would do time.

He was probably 2in2 her!!

SB2013

Had a look at those videos on the manup campaign. They seem to focus on the assumption that abusers don't understand that what they are doing is wrong. To me this is bull****. An abuser isn't someone with difficulty understanding what's socially acceptable, an abuser knows exactly what they are doing and doesn't care about the effect on others.

ScumLord

The first line of the man up campaign starts with the disclaimer.

Most men celebrate and respect women

So I think it's a bit unfair. I think if anything they may be trying to inform women that they should stand up to men that attack or abuse them because they are not regular men. It is abnormal for a man to treat a woman badly and it shouldn't be ignored.

But some people view it the same way they view "dangerous dogs", just because the man or dog has the capacity to seriously hurt people because their bigger and stronger doesn't mean they definitely will.

irishgirl19

But there is also campaigns for men who are abused such as AMEN. AFAIK,someone pointed this out in the metro herald last week,that the statistics for women to be the victim in these relationships are much higher so would explain more campaigns.

anncoates

Praetorian Saighdiuir wrote: »

Crazy bitch, if a fella did that he would do time.

So might she, if he actually reported it.

kowloon

Expected more Germaine Greer.

Praetorian Saighdiuir

anncoates wrote: »

So might she, if he actually reported it.

Doubt it. He did report it near the end, he was told "off the record" by a friend who is in AGS that it wont go anywhere. It was about 4 years ago now and afaik nothing has ever come of it.

Genghiz Cohen

I like boobies.

eviltwin

irishgirl19 wrote: »

But there is also campaigns for men who are abused such as AMEN. AFAIK,someone pointed this out in the metro herald last week,that the statistics for women to be the victim in these relationships are much higher so would explain more campaigns.

Thats because women are more likely to disclose it. Men can feel a bit embarrassed so it can be harder for them to admit to it.

The problem is though when you go looking for funding as a group representing victims you have to show you have a need for it. You're not going to get much money if you're service isn't being used.

I think AMEN answered less than 1000 calls in 2011 compared to Womens Aid who answered over 12,000. Granted their line isn't open as long and I don't think its freephone either which probably doesn't encourage men to call. To provide freephone services costs a lot so a huge amount of the money Womens Aid gets goes to Eircom.

Corkbah

irishgirl19 wrote: »

But there is also campaigns for men who are abused such as AMEN. AFAIK,someone pointed this out in the metro herald last week,that the statistics for women to be the victim in these relationships are much higher so would explain more campaigns.

Statistics !! that old chestnut .....

of course you do realise that 92% of statistics are made up on the spot, 56% of people do not believe this and 32% think its a complete fabrication.

kowloon

In which case it would make more sense to only fund a combined group that is inclusive to both sexes. I see no reason to focus anything on one gender when it's not required.

folan

all men are also potential used car sales mans!

coincidence?

eviltwin

kowloon wrote: »

In which case it would make more sense to only fund a combined group that is inclusive to both sexes. I see no reason to focus anything on one gender when it's not required.

Not sure that would work. Can you see men wanting to phone a service run by women and vice versa?

clintondaly

Your title is maybe a little misleading

Cantona's Collars

Does self abuse count? Most men can't leave themselves alone.

irishgirl19

Corkbah wrote: »

Statistics !! that old chestnut .....

of course you do realise that 92% of statistics are made up on the spot, 56% of people do not believe this and 32% think its a complete fabrication.

Well read the post above yours the poster has stated women's aid took thousands more calls than amen.
I said AFAIK, I didn't state that it was fact by any means

kowloon

eviltwin wrote: »

Not sure that would work. Can you see men wanting to phone a service run by women and vice versa?

A group that doesn't identify itself with one gender or the other might not project itself as having as much of an agenda. Also, when I ring up a company I have to select which department I want. There's nothing stopping a freephone helpline from adopting the same, if they haven't already.

There would be savings running a combined organisation and there wouldn't be as much of a problem with accusations of gender bias.

On top of the above, it would help to have abuse seen as something that concerns everyone, not just one gender.

AnonoBoy

All men are also potential legends.

I know I am.

anncoates

Praetorian Saighdiuir wrote: »

Doubt it. He did report it near the end, he was told "off the record" by a friend who is in AGS that it wont go anywhere. It was about 4 years ago now and afaik nothing has ever come of it.

Why did you not say he reported it in the OP?

irishgirl19

Sadly, domestic violence is all too common. I am glad for one that they are doing campaigns to encourage people to speak out, as a lot of people feel embaressed or ashamed if it has happened to them.

Sarky

As a proud African-American lesbian single mother who don't need no man, who was also an ocelot in a past life, trapped in a man's body, In feel offended by all this backlash, and suggest everyone check their male privilege. Especially the women, as gender is no excuse for ignorance.

strobe

eviltwin wrote: »

Not sure that would work. Can you see men wanting to phone a service run by women and vice versa?

It wouldn't be men phoning a service run by women though, or visa versa, it'd be people phoning a service run by people.

the_syco

anncoates wrote: »

So might she, if he actually reported it.

And I'm sure he got the line "you're big enough to deal with it yourself". Tall men are told this, but if we beat the crap out of people, we'll be told that we should have sought help. The only winner is the bully, because they'll be seen as the victim if they're smaller than the person they're abusing.

Praetorian Saighdiuir

anncoates wrote: »

Why did you not say he reported it in the OP?

I should have but there ya go, I said it in another post. Did I waste internet space?

Praetorian Saighdiuir

the_syco wrote: »

And I'm sure he got the line "you're big enough to deal with it yourself". Tall men are told this, but if we beat the crap out of people, we'll be told that we should have sought help. The only winner is the bully, because they'll be seen as the victim if they're smaller than the person they're abusing.

Yup, that's pretty much what he was told alright.

Micky Dolenz

We had an extensive thread about this recently. I think it's too soon to go at it again.