question about asexualness

seandunstin

Hello,

I'm wondering about asexual issues.

Ive read and heard people mentioning that if you are 'sexual' you experience sexual attraction - i.e. want to have sex with another person; however, if you are asexual, you experience no attraction to either sex.

Now, I would consider myself in-between at the moment. I am physically attracted to a girl - that is I look at a girl and think 'god she's really good looking..I wouldn't mind getting with her'.

However, and this is the part i'm wondering about.... I have never thought to myself 'phoaaaa she's a looker, I'd love to bang her' (sorry for the expression but I'm tryna portray an alpha male here lol). After being physically attracted to a girl, if I get with her, I may think 'yea, I'd like to have sex with you'.

So, here's my question...does my lack of 'alpha-male-ness' and more 'reserved' demeanor make me asexual or is a person only asexual if they never, ever, even for a split second think 'I wouldn't mind having sex with her'?

thanks

SD

XxMCRxBabyxX

seandunstin wrote: »

Hello,

I'm wondering about asexual issues.

Ive read and heard people mentioning that if you are 'sexual' you experience sexual attraction - i.e. want to have sex with another person; however, if you are asexual, you experience no attraction to either sex.

Now, I would consider myself in-between at the moment. I am physically attracted to a girl - that is I look at a girl and think 'god she's really good looking..I wouldn't mind getting with her'.

However, and this is the part i'm wondering about.... I have never thought to myself 'phoaaaa she's a looker, I'd love to bang her' (sorry for the expression but I'm tryna portray an alpha male here lol). After being physically attracted to a girl, if I get with her, I may think 'yea, I'd like to have sex with you'.

So, here's my question...does my lack of 'alpha-male-ness' and more 'reserved' demeanor make me asexual or is a person only asexual if they never, ever, even for a split second think 'I wouldn't mind having sex with her'?

thanks

SD

Honestly, I'd see that as normal personally

wonderfulname

http://www.asexuality.org/ should be of more help than here.

Personally I think you should concentrate less on precisely labelling yourself and more on just getting on with your life, knowing that whatever your sexuality may be there's no shame in it, and it's just who you are.

mathproblem

well if you tried smooching with & slow dancing with & basically getting up close & personal with someone you find attractive from a distance as you say. and still you had no erection(& not just because you are nervous, but zero reaction). and if the same could be said of people of your own gender. then you could talk about asexuality.

I don't think how you verbalise it in your minds eye matters all that much.

Also i'm not sure exactly how much looking on someone from afar as you describe directly relates to desire. Often we are conditioned by media to spot certain looks of people as attractive. Whereas up close it's often touch, smell & other senses that play a bigger role.

Esoteric_

I don't think you have to instantly want to sleep with someone to be a 'sexual' person (as opposed to an asexual person, in this instance).

You said that when you're with someone, you DO think that 'Yeah, I want to have sex with you,' so you're more than likely not asexual.

That said, who cares? As somebody said, why label your sexuality? It's not particularly important anyway.

Holsten

Asexuality doesn't exist.

You're totally normal.

wonderfulname

Holsten wrote: »

Asexuality doesn't exist.

Yes it does. You might also benefit from a visit to the site I posted earlier.

folamh

Sexuality is a lot more nuanced than we are led to believe and there are many ways to experience it. For some reason people today are obsessed with slapping labels on everything. I read "demisexual" the other day which apparently means that you require an emotional connection in order to enjoy sex. I would consider that standard and I don't know why people would feel the need to "identify" with such a category.

From what you describe, you sound fairly "normal". You just don't conform to a certain uber-alpha male version of sexuality and that's alright. Personally, I can't just look at someone and find them sexually attractive. I find that people become sexually attractive in accordance with how much I like them overall (personality, etc). In this sense, I am a bit like you.

For what it's worth, if you experience sexual attraction (regardless of the circumstances in which it manifests) I would say you are not asexual. But the point is, that's not important. Don't let labels dominate you.

kylith

People have various degrees of sexuality from the Alpha Male "If it moves, shag it" to the Asexual "Just not interested in doing that".

I don't think it sounds like you're asexual, from talking to some they tend not to think about sex at all, it's just not something that would even cross their mind except for an awareness that 'normal' people think they should want to.

You sound fairly normal to me. You have to bear in mind that people tend to exaggerate how much sex they have, how much they want, how long they can go for, etc, and that 'always wants it' stereotype male behaviour that's shown on TV doesn't help.

If you find people sexually attractive then you are not asexual, and that's ok. If you never want to have sex with anyone then you're probably asexual, and that's ok too.

dannyc31

People have various degrees of sexuality from the Alpha Male "If it moves, shag it" to the Asexual "Just not interested in doing that".

i totally agree with Kylith here. when it comes to most things in life people are different shades of grey not black or white. media and that try to label us the stereotype for a reason. it means its easier to put all of us into little boxes and so its easier to sell things to us if we fit that certain profile. a modern capitalist society just isnt interested in people falling somewhere in the middle when it comes to most things which is why the ultimate image of male masculinty is an extreme rather than a norm. that james bond character, driving fast cars shooting off guns and shagging lots of women. not all men want that or aspire to do that hard as that might believe, you are an example who doesnt fit that image so embrace your difference, dont stress out because you're not like all the other horny lads in your group. in fact being the way you are is gonna result in you having alot more luck with the ladies than the alpha-male meat heads that you see on the likes of Talafornia

i dont think you're asexual just someone who is more likely to take his time to get to know a girl before you want to sleep with her or even attracted to her enough to do so. nothing to be ashamed of whats so ever.

AnonoBoy

seandunstin wrote: »

Now, I would consider myself in-between at the moment. I am physically attracted to a girl - that is I look at a girl and think 'god she's really good looking..I wouldn't mind getting with her'.

However, and this is the part i'm wondering about.... I have never thought to myself 'phoaaaa she's a looker, I'd love to bang her'

Those two things are the same, you just have a classier way of thinking.

Don't let it worry you.