How would you feel/react

LegacyUser

So my boyfriend who I have been with for a few years is on a lads holiday last night when I was on Facebook I saw 2 photos of him from a nightclubs Facebook page in one he was feeling a girls ass and in the other he was whispering into the same girls ear!
And his "excuse" was 1. She was a lesibean and 2. He was drunk

I'm really upset about this. How would you react to this situation or what would you do?

sffc

Plane88 wrote: »

So my boyfriend who I have been with for a few years is on a lads holiday last night when I was on Facebook I saw 2 photos of him from a nightclubs Facebook page in one he was feeling a girls ass and in the other he was whispering into the same girls ear!
And his "excuse" was 1. She was a lesibean and 2. He was drunk

I'm really upset about this. How would you react to this situation or what would you do?

Just wanted to nail this "I was drunk " excuse that guys AND girls use. Your immediate reply to this should be "oh are you going to give up drink? " If not then he will be drunk again and the same thing could happen again only this time with more ease . By accepting this "excuse " you are saying that when he's drunk different rules apply . Next time he's drunk he'll have a free pass and know it .
You know all this though don't you? You know he's totally disrepected you don't you? The only question is whether YOU will have enough respect for YOURSELF to dump him.

judgefudge

Hey OP,

I would probably be quite put out if I saw something like that so what you're feeling is pretty normal. However you don't actually know if anything happened between them.

Facebook is the devil. It destroys relationships. I left Facebook a few months ago and I'll never go back.

He may have just been drunk and saw a camera and acted stupid for the camera. Was this posing done for the camera or was it in the background of a photo? I would definitely tell him you are pissed off anyway, and from there I'd sit down and think about the relationship. Do you think he would cheat? Only you can answer that.

P. Breathnach

I agree with what sffc says about the "I was drunk" excuse.

But in many ways the claim that she was a lesbian is worse: it's insulting to you to expect you to consider it's okay for him to behave that way with a lesbian. On the assumption that he did not know this girl previously, how did he know about her sexual orientation unless it was relevant to their encounter? And why would she allow him feel her ass if there was no sexual interest in the action? And is it okay with you if he gropes lesbians? If you give him a pass on the questionable claim that she is a lesbian you are inviting trouble.

im confused again

To be honest, no matter how you look at this, no matter what excuse is given, this behaviour by your boyfriend is totally inappropriate and totally disrespects you.
It is really difficult for you to determine the implications of his behaviour because you don't really know what went on and it doesn't seem as if your boyfriend will tell you the truth. For you, knowing how far things went is important so that you can decide what to do.
While I don't agree with this behaviour it is quite common for young men to behave in this way, so if he's in his late teens or early 20's then it's not totally surprising. Never the less what you saw in the photo's is hurtful, disrespectful, and totally inappropriate.
The real question is, did anything more than what you saw in the photos happen. If no then I'm sure you can work past this, if yes, then obviously it depends on what it was. Perhaps you seeing these photos and getting on to him about them gave him the shake up that he needed to cop on to himself for the rest of the holiday.
If I was in your shoes, I would be so so angry too.

Cupcake_Crisis

Have you spoken to him since seeing the pictures? Have you explained how they made you feel? In my opinion, on face value it's very disrespectful. HOWEVER, it's a lads holiday, messing is going to happen. It's also just a picture, there's no context. Yes, grabbing a girls arse is inappropriate, and if they were in a noisy club whispering in her ear could just be an innocent conversation. I'm not in any way condoning his behavior, but do you think if he got up to something more sinister he'd be foolish enough to let people post evidence on Facebook?

sffc

Just to clarify - I think the excuses are even more disrespectful than whatever happened on the holiday.

Chucky the tree

Was he tagged in the photos or did you have to go on to the nightclub page?

ananas

It's completely inappropriate and you've every right to be upset and ask for an explanation but ffs the "dump him immediately" knee jerk responses are a bit extreme.

He could have been taking the píss and acting the lad or he could have been up to something more, you have to ask him the truth and only you can decide whether to trust him and move on.

On a side note, fb photos can be taken out of context and look much worse than what they are.

jantheman91

Typical knee-jerk responses on here. God forbid she actually was a lesbian. I imagine it'd be treated differently on here if the OP had been touching a gay lads bum.

Ask him for the truth, until then don't take the advice of the dump him brigade.

sffc

jantheman91 wrote: »

Typical knee-jerk responses on here. God forbid she actually was a lesbian. I imagine it'd be treated differently on here if the OP had been touching a gay lads bum.

Ask him for the truth, until then don't take the advice of the dump him brigade.

Ask him for the truth? As opposed to the previous time when she asked for patronising lies?
To repeat it's the lies that show his lack of feeling and respect for the OP ..

Abi

jantheman91 wrote: »

Typical knee-jerk responses on here. God forbid she actually was a lesbian. I imagine it'd be treated differently on here if the OP had been touching a gay lads bum.

Ask him for the truth, until then don't take the advice of the dump him brigade.

While I think it is important to keep an open mind about things, I highly doubt that she genuinely a lesbian.

He threw in the 'i was drunk' card too, combining the two screams of a someone trying too hard to make it look innocent.

OP, it's up to you at the end of the day whether you trust him. I personally don't think he should have his hands on anyones arse, be they gay, straight or otherwise. Maybe its just me, but I wouldn't go about feeling gay or straight mens arses (drunk or not). I'm not in any way prudish, I just don't think it's appropriate.

You've seen the pictures, body language can tell a lot. I think you need to have another chat with him, and you'll have to go with your gut feeling on this.

B.A._Baracus

"She was a lesbian" ... FFS :rolleyes:

Short answer: Dump him.

Long answer:
Putting myself in your shoes there is no way I could trust somebody like that. He got caught out because one of his mates uploaded certain pictures. Then tried to lie his way out of it. Doing what he did was bad enough but the "I was drunk" & "she was a lesbian" lines? :rolleyes: ... you are dating a snake. Pure and simple.

Op, you've been with him for a few years. Its a hard choice to make I know. Personally, I just see this as a precursor to what will come. He has warrented more than enough to get dumped.

xxXCuteypieXxx

OP people on here are telling you to dump him, but a relationship is not about giving up over something that was probably innocent. I agree its totally disrespectful and i assume very embarrassing for you to have the pictures on facebook where everyone can see them. My advice would be to tell him how hurt you are by the complete lack of respect towards you. If he still insists it was all innocent and just a bit of fun, you must decide whether or not to believe him. You need to use your own judgement on this.

You have also got to ask yourself if you can trust him. How will you feel if he went out without you again? Would you be worrying if he was being unfaithful? If so, I think you should reconsider the relationship. No relationship can survive if there are trust issues.

Sephiroth_dude

Its no wonder you don't want to see him if he behaves lime this on regular basis,behaviour like this would scare anyone away,you should definitely end it.

Katgurl

What was pic like - were they main people in photo ie were they messing for the camera? If not and you spotted them in background in a clinch I'd be very upset. If they were acting up I'd be upset but less so; more that he was a tw@t.

Only you know your boyfriend and only you have seen the pic. What's he like in general? I am quite flirty and there's nothing in it but I never disregard a boyfriends feelings if he seemed put out.

Also pics can be taken out of context. Last summer I was away working and uploaded a load of pics. My boyf complained sarcatically it was great to see me out on a date. I looked through them, there was a pic of myself and a man from the office in the background looking like we were cuddled into the corner and him with his arm casually draped around me. There was actually another pic being taken at same time (from other direction) and he'd squeezed in beside me to have the pic taken.

But yes in your situation I would genuinely feel very very upset and I would be letting him know this.

RossFixxxed

She is a lesbian: Ok so why is he feeling her up? To the poster who said if it was a gay guy... same question, why are you feeling up another person. She's not into it doesn't mean he isn't into touching other girls. It is still inappropriate.

He was drunk: nope, no traction on that one.

How would I feel/react: very upset, betrayed and disappointed. I would have a serious chat about this, and talk to others who were there.

It's very disrespectful and finding a picture like that is jarring. HOWEVER, I only have your post and it is a little out of context (don't know the guy, don't know the situation, can't see the pics). You should talk about it, but it is very poor behaviour. What else does he do if he is drunk?