Ex issues

LegacyUser

Hi RI,
Want to thank in advance for reading and hope you will be able to help me through a very confused time.
Been spending time with my ex recently getting on really well again but he’s adamant he just wants to be friends, although I know there is still feeling and attraction there from his end he just can’t be with me.
We’re both dating other people I was fine with it up until last night I just got this aching/ jealous feeling. We talked about the past and what happened had a great conversation and I got the reason why we can’t be together basically he doesn’t trust me even though I’ve never done anything he said I’m the most beautiful nicest person he knows and that’s the problem he’s too insecure to be with me thinks the men will be q-ing up and why would I stay faithful. I know there his issues and I should cut contact but I can’t he’s one of my favourite people in the world. He gets me and is always there for me and so good to me. I know I’m a bit foolish and maybe he’s filling me with a bunch of BS.
Just seeing if anyone has been in a similar position and would be interested in giving me any advice / feedback.
Thanks

PlainP

cantgethimouttamyhead wrote: »

Hi RI,
Want to thank in advance for reading and hope you will be able to help me through a very confused time.
Been spending time with my ex recently getting on really well again but he’s adamant he just wants to be friends, although I know there is still feeling and attraction there from his end he just can’t be with me.
We’re both dating other people I was fine with it up until last night I just got this aching/ jealous feeling. We talked about the past and what happened had a great conversation and I got the reason why we can’t be together basically he doesn’t trust me even though I’ve never done anything he said I’m the most beautiful nicest person he knows and that’s the problem he’s too insecure to be with me thinks the men will be q-ing up and why would I stay faithful. I know there his issues and I should cut contact but I can’t he’s one of my favourite people in the world. He gets me and is always there for me and so good to me. I know I’m a bit foolish and maybe he’s filling me with a bunch of BS.
Just seeing if anyone has been in a similar position and would be interested in giving me any advice / feedback.
Thanks

So you both are in relationships with other people, yet you are both getting cosy with each other.

He won't get back with you for fear of you doing the dirt on him and you can't understand this even though you are going behind your current boyfriends back with him.

Sorry OP but why are you with someone else if you feel like this about your ex.

Why did ye break up?

Usually people are your ex for a reason.

LegacyUser

Hey op here,

I don't have a bf he doesnt have a gf we've just been on dates with other people.

We broke up cos of his trust issues even though i've never cheated on him and i must point out that i'm not with anyone to cheat on them either.

All else is explained in previously post thanks

P. Breathnach

He had trust issues with you; never mind whether there was any basis for them.

You are now in another relationship and yet you hanker after this guy. That suggests to me that your current boyfriend would be justified in losing trust in you, and that your ex would be justified in doubting your trustworthiness if that is how you treat your current relationship.

jantheman91

There is all kinds of wrong with your post i don't know where to start.

You are both in relationships yet you two are rekindling an old flame that burnt out some time ago.

You want my honest advice? Be civil and keep your distance because if you don't you'll either:

A: Be taken advantage of and end up with egg on your face
B: Fall into that emotional state you've been desperately running away from since you broke up.

Take it or leave it, i learnt the hard way.

ash23

A few things......

1. If you still have feelings for an ex, it's not very healthy to be "friends". It's fine to be civil and stay in contact a little, but hanging out together won't enable either of you to move on (which is obvious from your post)

2. It's not a great idea to get involved with someone while you're hankering after someone else.


Whatever the reasons, the excuses, the explanations.......he doesn't want to be with you as anything but a friend and you want more and are selling yourself short.

You're going to end up in a whole world of pain when he falls for someone he is dating and you are left hurt and angry. He knows how you feel and what you want and he isn't willing to offer you that.
Maybe in time, when your romantic feelings for him have abated, you two can consider getting back in touch as friends. But until then I'd minimise contact. The odd text, say hi and have a brief chat if you happen to bump into him. But other than that, cut contact and try and move on.

Humria

As others have said, the only thing you need to know is that he doesn't want to be with you. He may have trust issues but he is willing to let you go instead of making an effort to resolve his own issues. I'm not belittling trust issues but if you really care about someone you at least try to sort out issues that affect the relationship. If the first time you heard about this is after the break up, it doesn't sound like he really tried to make it work.

You need to cut contact with him. Delete him off all social media sites and explain to him that you need to do this to move on. The new guys sounds like a rebound and if that's the case you should end it with him too as it isn't fair to him.

Work on yourself. Go out with friends, take up a hobby, or plan a holiday. The situation isn't sustainable and is only going to continue to make you unhappy. Any more time you spend sustaining your infatuation with your ex is wasted time.