birth brother

mamafi

sorry guys but i would like to know what you think...Hubby's sw was doing a search for his birth family started by hubby's youngest birth brother.It ended up that hubby's 2nd youngest birth brother never replyed to the letter sent so social worker rang a contact number that she had for him. This guy is in his early 30's. His adopted mother answered the phone and told the sw that hubbys bb wanted nothing to do with any contact with whoever was looking for him and that she was not to ring or write to him again. We think that the man has never been told that he is adopted or that there was someone looking to make contact with him. Should the sw have taken his adopted mothers word for this or does she need to get him to make contact with her even if it only to say that he has no interest in what is going on...any ideas guys

Elizvonne

Hi Mamafi
I'm very surprised at this. Surely the social worker should at most have left a message for 30 year old bb to contact her. This has absolutely nothing to do with amother and I think it was very unprofessional and naive of the sw to accept an answer from a mother.
I would contact social worker again and ask why she discussed this matter with the amother
I wish you look with your search

mamafi

H Elizvonne... we were suprised that sw took bm's word for it too and that is not the worse of it...there is also another brother that there is not record of his adoption and we were told that we were wasting out time even thinking of looking for him because it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack...great attitude to have for a sw I think:(

Elizvonne

Mamafi
Is there anyway you can lodge a complaint at the way this case is being handled. Sounds like the sw is looking for easy way out - accepting answers from am and then saying there is no point in looking for other brother. It must be very difficult you to accept.
I dont think you should accept this. I hope it works out for you all

moihugs

Mamafi being 30 years of age he is an adult and can make these decisions for himself! The sw shouldn't have even had this discussion with am, she should have asked for his no and left it at that. What is this am like at home watching the post and opening his letters??? I would go further with this and see if there is a different sw that could work on it for u.!

Dbunny

Mamafi I don't know if you got any further but said I'd share my experience with you. I have been looking for my older adopted brother since I found out 3 yrs with my parents consent. My mother sent a letter through the agency in 1998 and got no reply, another 3 yrs ago with our support, again no reply and was told she had only one more letter she could sent, so that was sent along with another letter stating birth relatives were searching for him. After this we met the SW and expressed our concern that there was no reply not even a 'go away' and kept questioning 'had he definitely received the letters'. In fairness to the SW she then checked data protection records and found another address for our brother and resent the last letters. Following this we had a response from him and he's not in a position to make contact currently, he's just had baby etc, but assured us he was happy which comforted my parents no end. I would say push the agency to search the data protection records for another address or go to GRO offices in Irish life mall and look up his birth date and get the birth cert from Roscommon which will give name and address then look up land registry for his name. I've not looked any further to respect his wishes but I know I can. Hope you've had some luck in the meantime.

mamafi

Hi Dbunny,
Thanks for the reply. We have someone in AAI now looking at what way the sw tried to make contact with hubbys bb. We have a few concerns about the way she flatly refused to pass on a letter from hubby to his bs. There was no idenifing info on it , just saying that it was siblings looking for info about her and that they will always be there to meet if she ever feels she wants to . anyway between 1 thing and another nither hubby or the bb that he is in contact with were happy with the way she conducted things so the AAI were the next stap. Hopefully there will be some move on things this way...there is also a bb that there is no record of at all . We can't even find a birth cert. All vert confusing...Hubby didn't think that it would be so hard to find info about his own family...so sad.
Mamafi

schoolmouse

Hi mamafi,
I certainly would not be fobbed off by anyone telling me that another person did not wish to make contact with me, I would push very hard to have the sw make direct contact with your bb and then and only then accept that he did not wish to make contact,we are all human and for that reason we are curious and like to know who may be looking for us and indeed as we get older we are certainly curious about our past. It seems to me that mammy has not been able to cut the apron strings for her little boy and has a problem with letting go.