Father of the Groom speech, when he has recently passed away.

basillarkin

My dad passed away last month and my brothers wedding is on in 2 weeks time, I have been asked to say a few words on his behalf and welcome the bride into the family, has anybody on here been in a similar situation and could you give me a bit of advice on how to proceed.

Thanks

Mods, I hope this is in the right place, feel free to move it to a more appropriate place if needs be.

Victor

Sorry to hear this.

Some friends got married in September. The bride's mother had passed away when she was still young.

They kept the speeches short (I don't think this was deliberate), did mention the mother and it worked out well. Do say a few sentences, but keep it to that, I think. Keep it for the middle of the speech so you aren't starting of finishing on a low note.

Talk it over with your mum, the couple and perhaps even the in-laws and the best man / anyone else making a speech to get a vibe for how things are going and to let them know that you will be mentioning your dad.

I'm not sure if you should toast to your father's memory - something to decide with the bride and groom.

trad

i gave the father of the groom speech at my youngest brothers wedding. My day had passed about a year earlier so it wouldn't be as raw as your situation.

The family left it up to me what to say. I included very appropriate references to our late father in the short speech without trying to take down the mood of the occasion and then went on to tell some humorous anecdotes about this not being the first time I played the fatherly role to my youngest brother. i think I pulled it off ok and got some thumbs up from the gathering.

basillarkin

Thanks for the replies, will take the advice on board, I intend yo keep it short and say a bit about my dad in the middle of the speech, unfortunately I can't talk it over with my mum as she died when I was very young but I am close to the groom so I will run it by him and the rest of my family.

Victor

Sorry to hear. I mentioned that, so that it wouldn't come as a surprise to her during the speech and so that she could help set the tone.

Best of luck with the day.

Happyman42

Sorry for your loss, I think people like to acknowledge somebody who has recently passed away, especially at a wedding, so it's nice to give them a chance to do that. People will know the signficance of the moment so I would leave mentioning him until the end of your speech and raise a toast to 'absent friends' when you have finished talking about your dad.

labradoodlelady

Sorry for your loss. I was at a wedding recently where a brother of the bride gave the father of the bride speech in similar circumstances. He gave a lovely speech. I think the key points were acknowledge why you are giving the speech*, mention that your Dad would be very proud of your brother, welcome the bride to the family, raise a glass in toast to absent friends. Maybe check in with the best man and the groom, as they may be raising a similar toast, and check if there is anything your brother particularly wants you to say or to add.

*A little tough to say, depending on the size of the wedding, if it's a small wedding where you know everyone, it will be clear, if it's a bigger crowd, maybe something like "for those who don't know me, I'm the groom's brother".

Victor

Happyman42 wrote: »

Sorry for your loss, I think people like to acknowledge somebody who has recently passed away, especially at a wedding, so it's nice to give them a chance to do that. People will know the signficance of the moment so I would leave mentioning him until the end of your speech and raise a toast to 'absent friends' when you have finished talking about your dad.

Surely the bride and groom should be toasted at the end of his speech?

Happyman42

Victor wrote: »

Surely the bride and groom should be toasted at the end of his speech?

Ordinarily, yes I suppose. Only the OP knows the people who will be there, if most of them knew his dad, they will expect him to reference him.
If it was me at the wedding, I would appreciate the opportunity to acknowledge and pay my respects to his dad. For that reason I would change the format slightly.
But as I say, only the OP can judge the appropiateness of doing that.

beltzar

Hey Basillarkin
That stinks. We know!
We got married last year and both our fathers had passed away within the last 12months.

When my sister (no brothers) said a few words, they mentioned how much my father loved me, how much they as a family appreciated taking care of him(long story).
The grooms man also mentioned something similar about the grooms father. And the the groom mentioned the fathers.

Looking back I wouldnt change any of it (the speeches that is!). Yes I cried a little when my father was mentioned but it was so nice to have the few kind heartfelt words from my family re my father.

A few caring words, how much he loved his family, and a funny light hearted story regarding the relationship between your Dad and siter, will set you right.

Good luck - it will be very tough on you also