Dealing with a tough break up

Shelga

I ended things today with a guy I've been officially with for 4 months, but sleeping with for a year. He was critical of many aspects of my personality- says I'm clumsy, slobby, unmotivated. It was wearing me down so much and this weekend I reached the end of my tether. I went round to his house today and said it was too unhealthy and I didn't want us to see each other anymore, tears streaming down my face. He looked sad and said he understood why I felt that way and that there is something wrong with him, but he couldn't get past it. Today it was the fact that I'm too messy, apparently. If I'd ended it a month ago it would have been because I don't make enough effort with my appearance. A month before that it would have been something else. He was never happy. I had critical comments directed at me 10 times a day.

However, this guy has been my best friend since I moved to this city a year and a half ago (we are both foreigners in this country) and I can't imagine life without him. We have mutual friends, had weekends away, weddings planned etc. It hurts so much. I'm surprised I even had the strength to end it today- it all just snowballed in the last 48 hours. All my friends hate him too which is a huge red flag to me, they've seen how upset his comments make me. I just know in the coming months I am going to feel so incredibly lonely here and it hurts a lot. My best friend, with whom I live, is moving abroad in a week and I'll be left here alone. She keeps telling me I did the right thing, and logically I know it's true, but I was falling in love with him and nothing anyone says makes the pain just disappear. I've ended relationships before and it hasn't felt this heartbreaking

Can people change? Did I do the right thing? How do people drag themselves out of bed when feeling so utterly alone.

Abi

Shelga wrote: »

I ended things today with a guy I've been officially with for 4 months, but sleeping with for a year. He was critical of many aspects of my personality- says I'm clumsy, slobby, unmotivated. It was wearing me down so much and this weekend I reached the end of my tether. I went round to his house today and said it was too unhealthy and I didn't want us to see each other anymore, tears streaming down my face. He looked sad and said he understood why I felt that way and that there is something wrong with him, but he couldn't get past it. Today it was the fact that I'm too messy, apparently. If I'd ended it a month ago it would have been because I don't make enough effort with my appearance. A month before that it would have been something else. He was never happy. I had critical comments directed at me 10 times a day.

However, this guy has been my best friend since I moved to this city a year and a half ago (we are both foreigners in this country) and I can't imagine life without him. We have mutual friends, had weekends away, weddings planned etc. It hurts so much. I'm surprised I even had the strength to end it today- it all just snowballed in the last 48 hours. All my friends hate him too which is a huge red flag to me, they've seen how upset his comments make me. I just know in the coming months I am going to feel so incredibly lonely here and it hurts a lot. My best friend, with whom I live, is moving abroad in a week and I'll be left here alone. She keeps telling me I did the right thing, and logically I know it's true, but I was falling in love with him and nothing anyone says makes the pain just disappear. I've ended relationships before and it hasn't felt this heartbreaking

Can people change? Did I do the right thing? How do people drag themselves out of bed when feeling so utterly alone.

You say you're like best friends, but best friends aren't that hurtful.

You've made the right decision so far as I can see. Stay strong hon, your confidence must be obliterated with all that was said to you. Dont allow yourself to be spoken to like that ever again.

One shot on kill

Stay busy and break contact completely don't talk or entertain anything. In four months ye should be still all over each other madly in love and still trying to impress and being polit to each other.

So you relationship wasn't /isn't working stay going and stay busy.