Was taken advantage of and am now struggling to get past it.- Mod Warning Post 2

LegacyUser

After being accidentally involved in an altercation in a nightclub (I couldn't escape and ended up being nearly knocked out), I'm pretty sure I was concussed and I'd lost my friends, couldn't get in contact with anyone. Anyway, in my confused state of mind, I was wandering through the club, not fully aware of what was going on. This lad grabs me and starts kissing me, etc. and I was unable to get away; my head was spinning so much and he wasn't taking no for an answer. It seemed to have gone on forever.

Eventually escaped through blind luck and legged it away. Turns out he has left huge hickeys all over my neck and I feel so disgusting. I've scrubbed my body so much in the shower that I'm just one big red mess but I still feel dirty.
Now I know this isn't something massively horrific and I know so many people have encountered much worse, he was "only" shifting me and trying to get his hand down my shorts but the thing is, that lark has never happened to me before, and I genuinely feel so dirty. I can't recall what he looked like but I can still feel his sticky breath on my neck and his hands on my legs. I haven't slept since that night and am in a constant state of near tears, and am grouchy with everyone which I feel guilty about.

But I don't know how to get past it. I just want to curl up and sleep but I can't. And I feel bad for having people worry about me and now I've just had a massive fight with my mother and it is so, so difficult not to pick up the scissors like I used to do. I'm actually having to restrain myself from that and it's so hard. I don't want to regress again. I feel like perhaps I'm over-reacting but I can't stop myself.
How can I move past it? Am I being ridiculous about it? I cannot tell.

Taltos

OP - we are approving your thread for the moment, but would remind posters to please only post inline with our charter. Any unhelpful posting or breaches to our charter will be dealt with severely here.

OP - please also refer to the links on our charter - as well as the below there are others there, it might be useful for you to pick up the phone and reach out to one of the organisations we list.

e.g.
Self harm
http://www.pieta.ie/ (self harm project )

or

Rape/Sexual Assault
http://www.rcni.ie/rape-crisis-centres.aspx

LegacyUser

Hi op, you poor thing, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm glad nothing worse happened to you, but it doesn't mean that you should brush off what happened as nothing. You have every right no to be upset, this horrible person took advantage, he's the lowest of the low. When things like that happen it's like you're being told you're not worth anything, and you are not being treated with the basic humanity that you deserve.
I understand where you are coming from when you talk about wanting to self-harm, I used to do the same. There are obviously previous issues that are adding to the problem of the current one, so please don't be so hard on yourself for thinking that you are making a big deal over something small, you are not.
I have found in the last few years when I feel the urge to harm myself, I think of how far I have come, and I try to think about myself differently. You might feel out of control, that is understandable giving what happened, but you are in control of your actions, you have made progress, and you don't need to go back, you know better this time. If a friend came to you with this same problem, you would be kind to them, and treat them with love and compassion, so try and think the same for yourself. What you need is to treat yourself with kindness. You are someone who deserves more than what happened to you, so break the pattern, and be kind to yourself. I know this can be difficult when the emotional pain is intense, but it will pass, remember it will pass. Please reach out to someone, because you are worthy.

tinkerbell

OP, that is just awful what happened to you, my heart goes out to you.

I suggest you follow the advice above from Taltos and contact Pieta and the rape crisis centre to help you get through this difficult time. Talk to your family if you can, you need some support right now.

seenitall

Hi OP,

it wasn't 'only' a shift (a shift implies it was consensual, which it wasn't), it was actually sexual assault, and so you are displaying the symptoms of someone who has been assaulted (feeling traumatised, insomnia, feeling dirty, excessive scrubbing in the shower, etc.)

Please seek professional help at the places listed above, and let me assure you, no one in the Rape Crisis Centre will take you any less seriously because you've 'only' been shifted and groped, and not full-on raped. Just contact someone and tell them how you feel, it will help immensely.

Best wishes to you.

IrishEyes19

OP, this incident is serious, dont feel it wasnt. Im so sorry for what happened to you. I really think the advice above from other posters is perfect. Seek professional help. All those numbers provided are all trained professionals who know exactly how to approach your situation in a sensitive and caring way. I really think it will help. I know you probably feel isolated and not so good about yourself right now. But it wasn't your fault and the only way forward is to approach it head on with someone trained to help you. best of luck

Queen-Mise

If one or the other of the things had only happened - you would have been grand.

After the first incident you were shook up & a little bit shocked after it. You would have went home and slept and would have given out about idiots in night clubs.

If the second one had happened on another night - you would probably have dealt with it different (hopefully you would have kneed him & tell him to go fcuk himself or a clip around the ear - although personally I would prefer to do the first;))


The fella was a drunk prick - taking advantage of someone he thought was also drunk.

Talk to RCC - 1800778888, talk about it a few times. Try not to let it get too out of perspective.


These two events have triggered a number of different reactions: violated, anger, trauma (from both events), shock (from both events)...

Just remember one is building on top of the other - neither one is that bad, the two of them is not fun.