Am i being silly or childish over this?

krustydoyle

Well folks, said id post this as its driving me up the wall..

I broke up with my ex in jan of 2012. I had various pictures of us up on facebook from when we were out together etc..

She now has a new bf , yesterday she changed her fb profile picture to one from my account with me cropped out of it. It came up in my notices and i immediately felt weird about her using the picture..

Am i being stupid by letting this p**s me off, like we're not on talking terms and things are probably never gonna be the same again.

All opinions are welcomed.. thanks

beerbaron

krustydoyle wrote: »

Well folks, said id post this as its driving me up the wall..

I broke up with my ex in jan of 2012. I had various pictures of us up on facebook from when we were out together etc..

She now has a new bf , yesterday she changed her fb profile picture to one from my account with me cropped out of it. It came up in my notices and i immediately felt weird about her using the picture..

Am i being stupid by letting this p**s me off, like we're not on talking terms and things are probably never gonna be the same again.

All opinions are welcomed.. thanks

Hi, im on my phone so cant type a full reply.

But you know its silly to be pissed off at this.
Its a tough time for you, believe me Ive been there.


She was much better looking when you were with her, as shown by her choice of profile photo.

Id unfriend her, but thats just me.

Boombastic

Yes, you are being a little bit silly. If you're not on talking terms, delete her as a friend on fb. You'll only be torturing yourself checking her profile. Give yourself closure.

tbh

You are being silly, but not for being upset - that's totally instinctual and you can't control it so it can't be silly. The silly bit is not unfriending her and therefore putting yourself at risk of seeing these things and getting upset. Staying friends with her on facebook has no advantages and lots of disadvantages so doing that is silly. Move on. Step 1: cut contact.

Boombastic

Just to add to my above post. tbh is right you are not silly for being upset over the relationship break up and perhaps her cutting you out of the picture is making you realise that it really is over. Delete her, don't torture yourself with this.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

krustydoyle

Well folks thanks for the comments.. i deleted her last night and its finally sunk in that we're not getting back together.. thanks again.

krustydoyle

Sitting in college this morning and my phone vibrates in my pocket...

I immediately knew the number and it was my ex asking why i deleted her off of fb?

So i started to explain to her why i was having such a hard time lately and i told her i missed her (now don't give out)

She replied saying she didnt know what to say..

I said she didnt have to say anything as there my regrets to live with..
and i wished her well but reminding her that my feelings for her were
never gonna change.

That was the best conversation we've had since we split up and ok it was by text but its something.

tbh

Fair play to you man, I can give you no higher compliment than telling you that's exactly how i'd have wanted to play it. Your feelings for her will change btw. That's ok tho.

AnonoBoy

You did the right thing OP.

To be honest the using an old photo of yours and cropping you out was a bit of a passive-aggressive move on her part. She can't be too surprised you unfriended her.

It's for the best.

Plazaman

krustydoyle wrote: »

Sitting in college this morning and my phone vibrates in my pocket...

I immediately knew the number and it was my ex asking why i deleted her off of fb?

So i started to explain to her why i was having such a hard time lately and i told her i missed her (now don't give out)

She replied saying she didnt know what to say..

I said she didnt have to say anything as there my regrets to live with..
and i wished her well but reminding her that my feelings for her were
never gonna change.

That was the best conversation we've had since we split up and ok it was by text but its something.

BAM! Talk about coming out on top of the situation, fair play to you. Another person could instinctually have ranted about the whole picture cropping thing but your rationality prevailed and whilst you may not get back together, you can hold your head high.

Without opening a can of worms I'm wondering how she noticed your had deleted her seeing as no one is informed they are unfriended. She would have had to deliberately go to your profile to check or maybe just missed your posts in the feed (still).

Anyhoo, best of luck.

IrishEyes19

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You did the right thing OP.

To be honest the using an old photo of yours and cropping you out was a bit of a passive-aggressive move on her part. She can't be too surprised you unfriended her.

It's for the best.

+ 1 to that. I find what she did odd actually. She had to know you would be notified. Either way she should have thought better. Its not a nice thing to do. Having said that, its a good time to move on. Facebook is torture when you split from someone anyway, its a window into your ex's life and something you dont need to see if you are finding not contacting them hard.

Its a good time for you now to concentrate on your self. The first while is hard but it does get easier, you just have to really hard on yourself. Sometimes ex's get in contact again and to be honest its really not good, because it can often knock you back ten steps when they are only checking in with no other motive than to see what you are doing.

The best advice advice I've gotten recently when going through similar things, is to be good to yourself. Be selfish for you now. And take care of yourself. Dont torture yourself for someone, when they arent doing the same. All the best.

jantheman91

Schoolboy error telling her that 'your feelings were the same' and that they'd 'never change'.

My reply would have been ''We aren't on talking terms and do not converse socially. Facebook is a social network so why wouldn't i delete you?. I've moved on with my life as have you so let's leave it as that''.

No bitterness just straight to the point. You've opened yourself up to all sorts of mind games by revealing your emotions. I'd strongly advise that you keep it to yourself if this situation arises in the future.

How do i know? Because i done exactly what you did and ended up looking like an absolute twat. Please don't make the same mistake i made.

krustydoyle

jantheman91 wrote: »

Schoolboy error telling her that 'your feelings were the same' and that they'd 'never change'.

My reply would have been ''We aren't on talking terms and do not converse socially. Facebook is a social network so why wouldn't i delete you?. I've moved on with my life as have you so let's leave it as that''.

No bitterness just straight to the point. You've opened yourself up to all sorts of mind games by revealing your emotions. I'd strongly advise that you keep it to yourself if this situation arises in the future.

How do i know? Because i done exactly what you did and ended up looking like an absolute twat. Please don't make the same mistake i made.

I get ye OP, thanks for the advice.

krustydoyle

Well folks, back again.. So to continue the story...

My ex has got in touch with me a lot since the chat after she noticed id deleted her off my fb. We have been talking bout old memories and that so i have to admit its great that we're back talking (even though she has a bf). So i was out last night (i dont drink tho) and i knew she was at a pub gig so i text her around 12ish to see how it went.. she said she was now in another pub and did i want to come meet her? so obviously i jumped at the chance to see her and i went to meet her. So we're there and we're chatting away, closing time comes and she says shes going home.. i asked her did she want to come up to me to my place so we could chat for a while. she agreed and we walked up to my place, we talked about what we wanted and i told her that i loved her and would love to give it another go. then she says if we were to ever get back together then id have to cut off contact with my close friends that are girls. Now ive a few girls in my life that ive been close friends for many years and i dont wanna lose them cos they mean a lot to me. But she wont budge on her demands.. How have i got myself into this position. its her (the girl i love and wanna be with) or its my close girl friends? My head is fecking wrecked.. sorry for the long comment but i needed to just blurt it out.

Meauldsegosha

krustydoyle wrote: »

Well folks, back again.. So to continue the story...

My ex has got in touch with me a lot since the chat after she noticed id deleted her off my fb. We have been talking bout old memories and that so i have to admit its great that we're back talking (even though she has a bf). So i was out last night (i dont drink tho) and i knew she was at a pub gig so i text her around 12ish to see how it went.. she said she was now in another pub and did i want to come meet her? so obviously i jumped at the chance to see her and i went to meet her. So we're there and we're chatting away, closing time comes and she says shes going home.. i asked her did she want to come up to me to my place so we could chat for a while. she agreed and we walked up to my place, we talked about what we wanted and i told her that i loved her and would love to give it another go. then she says if we were to ever get back together then id have to cut off contact with my close friends that are girls. Now ive a few girls in my life that ive been close friends for many years and i dont wanna lose them cos they mean a lot to me. But she wont budge on her demands.. How have i got myself into this position. its her (the girl i love and wanna be with) or its my close girl friends? My head is fecking wrecked.. sorry for the long comment but i needed to just blurt it out.

Is she going to stop seeing her male friends??? She is being completely unreasonable OP and you know it.

Also hasn't she already got a boyfriend? She is testing you to see how much she can manipulate you. Don't let her. You have deleted her number and off FB, cut all contact with her now.

JB123

I know it's easier said than done but move on Bro....

CaraMay

So has a bf but yet she is texting her ex and wanting to meet up and saying she wants to get back with you? She is trouble op.

Why did ye break up? Did ye hook up last night?

She has no right to tell you who to be friends with. She is just throwing her rattle as you appear to be moving on. Chances are she will get back with you and keep him on the side and it will all end in tears. Difference is this time you will be heartbroken plus have no friends. Don't take the risk - it's all about her.

ABajaninCork

jantheman91 wrote: »

Schoolboy error telling her that 'your feelings were the same' and that they'd 'never change'.

My reply would have been ''We aren't on talking terms and do not converse socially. Facebook is a social network so why wouldn't i delete you?. I've moved on with my life as have you so let's leave it as that''.

No bitterness just straight to the point. You've opened yourself up to all sorts of mind games by revealing your emotions. I'd strongly advise that you keep it to yourself if this situation arises in the future.

How do i know? Because i done exactly what you did and ended up looking like an absolute twat. Please don't make the same mistake i made.

What the man said. Looks as though he was bang on the money...

krustydoyle wrote: »

Well folks, back again.. So to continue the story...

My ex has got in touch with me a lot since the chat after she noticed id deleted her off my fb. We have been talking bout old memories and that so i have to admit its great that we're back talking (even though she has a bf). So i was out last night (i dont drink tho) and i knew she was at a pub gig so i text her around 12ish to see how it went.. she said she was now in another pub and did i want to come meet her? so obviously i jumped at the chance to see her and i went to meet her. So we're there and we're chatting away, closing time comes and she says shes going home.. i asked her did she want to come up to me to my place so we could chat for a while. she agreed and we walked up to my place, we talked about what we wanted and i told her that i loved her and would love to give it another go. then she says if we were to ever get back together then id have to cut off contact with my close friends that are girls. Now ive a few girls in my life that ive been close friends for many years and i dont wanna lose them cos they mean a lot to me. But she wont budge on her demands.. How have i got myself into this position. its her (the girl i love and wanna be with) or its my close girl friends? My head is fecking wrecked.. sorry for the long comment but i needed to just blurt it out.

OK. Now she knows she has you where she wants you. She's putting all kinds of unreasonable demands on you, thinking you'll do ANYTHING to get her back. Suppose you DID give in to her demand that you cut out your female friends? What's the next nonsense she's going to come out with? There'll be no end to the demands believe me. Sounds to me like she enjoys the chase, but once it's over, she's out.

Sorry, but your ex sounds immature in the extreme. Cut all contact. Lose her phone number and change yours. Do it. You know it makes sense.

tbh

Your head is going to be wrecked for months and you've brought it all on yourself. You sound like you're going to do what she asks no matter what you're told on here - at your age, I would have done the same. I wouldn't at my age. Good luck man, you're gonna need it.

By the way - this girl asking you to cut off contact with your friend guarantees this relationship has no chance of working. You won't believe me, but you see if I'm wrong.

Big Bag of Chips

It's such a childish and immature thing to request. Is it ALL female friends? What about mate's girlfriends? Will you be allowed talk to them?

It's ridiculous.. but you are young, and when we are young, we look for ridiculous things, and we do ridiculous things.

I'd almost suggest you go for it! Because.. it's not going to work out long term. This is not the girl you are going to spend the rest of your life with. This relationship is not going to last.. but it will teach you something.

We've all been through disastrous, immature relationships, and moved on, fairly unscathed. This is your one! Sometimes no amount of advice from others helps, and we just have to plough on and make our own mistakes.

You'll remember it with a slight smile in 10 years time.... When you are in a mature, loving, respectful relationship.

Catari Jaguar

Run away, run far far away. I know you think she's sweetness and light but she's a bitch. A jealous, manipulative, ego boosting, headwrecking, passive aggressive bitch and she's playing you like a violin. Shoot her down, get some satifsfaction from regaining some control and dignity then stay the **** away from her.

Sorry for being so harsh.

Paddy Cow

krustydoyle wrote: »

Well folks, back again.. So to continue the story...

My ex has got in touch with me a lot since the chat after she noticed id deleted her off my fb. We have been talking bout old memories and that so i have to admit its great that we're back talking (even though she has a bf). So i was out last night (i dont drink tho) and i knew she was at a pub gig so i text her around 12ish to see how it went.. she said she was now in another pub and did i want to come meet her? so obviously i jumped at the chance to see her and i went to meet her. So we're there and we're chatting away, closing time comes and she says shes going home.. i asked her did she want to come up to me to my place so we could chat for a while. she agreed and we walked up to my place, we talked about what we wanted and i told her that i loved her and would love to give it another go. then she says if we were to ever get back together then id have to cut off contact with my close friends that are girls. Now ive a few girls in my life that ive been close friends for many years and i dont wanna lose them cos they mean a lot to me. But she wont budge on her demands.. How have i got myself into this position. its her (the girl i love and wanna be with) or its my close girl friends? My head is fecking wrecked.. sorry for the long comment but i needed to just blurt it out.

I don't think she has any intention of getting back together and is playing you like a fool to massage her own ego. She put up the photo knowing you'd see it and probably expected you to private message/text her about it. She got the hump when you deleted her and she is simply trying to get back in control by manipulating you emotionally. She doesn't want to be with you but she doesn't want you to move on either. As everyone else has said, you would be far better off cutting off all contact.

Stavro Mueller

Look, you broke up for a reason. Now you're playing right into ths girls's hands because you've donned the rose- tinted shades. She was happy to crop you out of photos and all that when she was in control. Then you deleted her from Facebook and suddenly she's on the blower. I've come to agree with the poster who said you made a schoolboy error in telling her how you felt. As it has turned out, your ex is making hay with this. Don't forget either that while she's laying down controlling criteria for a theoretical getting back together, she still has her boyfriend. I guess you're going to ignore what we all say here and get back with her anyway.

krustydoyle

Some great responses and i appreciate them all. Few replies needed.

Now im 29 for a start and second im not gonna get back with her cos my close friends mean the world to me.

The main reason she has a problem with my close female friends is that she hasnt met most of them and she has major trust issues.

The replies have opened my eyes to a lot of things ive ignored or just havent seen in her all this time so thank you all for that.

Thanks again for all the comments and advice

krustydoyle

Just noticed that shes changed her profile pic on fb back to one from her own folders. ( I know because we both liked a a mutual friends status)

CaraMay

krustydoyle wrote: »

Just noticed that shes changed her profile pic on fb back to one from her own folders. ( I know because we both liked a a mutual friends status)

So?

Is she still with her boyfriend?

krustydoyle

CaraMay wrote: »

So?

Is she still with her boyfriend?

My point was maybe it was mind games changing it to one of my pics to get my attention.

Meauldsegosha

krustydoyle wrote: »

My point was maybe it was mind games changing it to one of my pics to get my attention.

Yeah she's game playing. She really is manipulative. You made the right choice OP you're better off with out her.

CaraMay

krustydoyle wrote: »

My point was maybe it was mind games changing it to one of my pics to get my attention.

Absolutely - its her modus operandi...

krustydoyle

I know i'm going on a bit but i'm more p**sed off at the situation than anything else.
I was with this girl for a year and i thought we were gonna be happy together for a
long time. I'm annoyed that she gave me that stupid ultimatum.
It just sucks when you see a certain someone in a light and there true colours are
exposed. I know i haven't given the full story behind our break up because i needed
to do something for me so the relationship would be a success. All ill say is that im not
the same person i was back then.

daithi1970

Hi
Irrespective of how your relationship ended, she is still being very manipulative IMO. If she had no problem going back to your place while going out with someone else, she would probably have no problem playing you off against her current boyfriend to massage her ego. I wouldn't go running back to her out of some misplaced guilt or loyalty.

daithi

MJT

OP- I hope to GOD you've cut this woman out. As was said before, it is pretty clear that she changed her profile picture deliberately, knowing full well you would see it. She must have been fairly shocked to discover you'd unfriended her, hence why she texted you.

She really had some nerve to give you the ultimatum of leaving your friends. Trust me, you dump your friends to be with her you will be in a worse situation this time next year-no friends and a broken heart!!

ManOfMystery

Manipulative, controlling, possessive, untrustworthy, childish. What exactly do you see in her OP?

krustydoyle

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Manipulative, controlling, possessive, untrustworthy, childish. What exactly do you see in her OP?

I believe shes like that because im close friends with a girl i was with about 10 years ago (who now lives with her current bf) and they didnt meet during the time we were together. I think that just adds to the way shes been.. but im done with her..

Roisy7

OP I'd block her now on Facebook. That way you can never see anything she's liked or posted. If she has a conversation with a mutual friend her comments won't show up and it'll look like the person is talking to themselves.

She seems like a really nasty manipulative person and I find it hard to believe someone in their mid-late 20s would behave like this. Cut, cut, cut!

December2012

If you have never cheated on her with your female friends then she's too high maintenance.

She wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

I know what you mean about the anger - it's poxy when you see the true aspects of somebody's personality when the fog of being with them lifts.

It sounds like you're doing well OP.

Keep it up and work on yourself.

ManOfMystery

krustydoyle wrote: »

I believe shes like that because im close friends with a girl i was with about 10 years ago (who now lives with her current bf) and they didnt meet during the time we were together. I think that just adds to the way shes been.. but im done with her..

I disagree. I think what you're seeing are her true colours; this is what she's really like underneath whatever niceties first attracted you to her.

You being friends with this girl doesn't 'add' anything to her behaviour; it's merely drawing out the green-eyed monster which most people usually make an effort to keep tucked away. If she's like this now, she'll only get worse. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Big Bag of Chips

krustydoyle wrote: »

... im done with her..

As the OP seems have come to a resolution, there is nothing else to add.

The thread is locked.