Do real friends do this?

LegacyUser

Going unreg as im a regular poster. Close friends of mine (well i thought they were) have booked a holiday and left me out. Things have been a little off with everyone for the last few months, Ive been suffering a lot from stress, anxiety and generally being unhappy. I have told one friend. Maybe not the extent but she has an idea. She has been there when she can. But anyway i thought things were getting better with the new year and all. I had said to the other friend how i had gone on holidays back a few months ago and how much i loved it there. I hinted that we should go. She basically ignored it. The same friend i said to her 3-4 times one week how i was dying to go back and how i actually thought of going alone. She ignored my texts. I brought it up again. Nothing! She was replying to everything else however. Next thing the two put it up on facebook that they have booked a trip to this place. Disgusted i pulled them up on it. They had the cheek to basically brush me off (one sent a message and then stopped replying)said they didnt realise I was ****ting money etc etc. I feel so hurt that Ive not ate since i cant sleep im always crying I just wanna disappear. I wish i could wake up and be someone else and not feel like im the most unimportant irrelevant person in this world. Im not looking for any kinda pity, im not looking for anything im just wanting to tell my story get it off my chest i guess. I realise its nothing compared to other stories on here but it has me heartbroken I dont wanna be their friend anymore i feel so angry and let down, im just disgusted that people who have been in my life since i was a kid could be so heartless.

You kept telling friends you were on holidays over and over.
They probably had their holiday booked already and didn't know how to say it... so they avoided a response and put it up on FB. Not the best thing to do, but not the worst either.
They're not obliged to bring you on all their holidays, just like you hadn't gone with them. Especially since you were saying you'd go alone.
"Hinting" 3-4 times a week about something is probably quite excessive, and you should have asked outright once and left it there.
Why don't you wait for them to come back, then try start afresh.
And if you want something, don't hint at it over and over again, just say so.
They were there for you when you needed them - that sounds more important than a holiday they may not even have known you wanted to go on considering you were on about only just having been there.

LegacyUser

bluewolf wrote: »

You kept telling friends you were on holidays over and over.
They probably had their holiday booked already and didn't know how to say it... so they avoided a response and put it up on FB. Not the best thing to do, but not the worst either.
They're not obliged to bring you on all their holidays, just like you hadn't gone with them. Especially since you were saying you'd go alone.
"Hinting" 3-4 times a week about something is probably quite excessive, and you should have asked outright once and left it there.
Why don't you wait for them to come back, then try start afresh.
And if you want something, don't hint at it over and over again, just say so.
They were there for you when you needed them - that sounds more important than a holiday they may not even have known you wanted to go on considering you were on about only just having been there.

I forgot to mention that i asked them numerous times to come with me. and they only booked the other day before they put it on facebook sorry left that out

tbh

irrelevent wrote: »

I forgot to mention that i asked them numerous times to come with me. and they only booked the other day before they put it on facebook sorry left that out

Look on the face of it its a bit strange that they didnt mention it to you but as bluewolf says, they probably felt awkward and maybe thought you wouldn't be able to afford to go with them. And maybe they couldn't afford to go or couldn't get time off when you went. There could be a very simple explanation. We dont know. What we *do* know is how you should and shouldnt act if you ever want to go on holiday with them in the future. How you should act is to stop sulking and wish them all the best, and compare notes when they come home. How you shouldnt act is how you are acting now. I know it stings, but try to get over it.

LegacyUser

tbh wrote: »

Look on the face of it its a bit strange that they didnt mention it to you but as bluewolf says, they probably felt awkward and maybe thought you wouldn't be able to afford to go with them. And maybe they couldn't afford to go or couldn't get time off when you went. There could be a very simple explanation. We dont know. What we *do* know is how you should and shouldnt act if you ever want to go on holiday with them in the future. How you should act is to stop sulking and wish them all the best, and compare notes when they come home. How you shouldnt act is how you are acting now. I know it stings, but try to get over it.

its really difficult to constantly feel left out and neglected and then to have this done. to tell people you wanna go somewhere and them to ignore it and go anyway. I would have preferred them to say to me look we dont want you there. That would of stung but it would of been better. I know hand on heart that if the roles were reversed i would never in a million years leave anyone out i couldnt live with myself if i did.

sashafierce

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jdsk2006

No I don't think real friends behave like this. Sorry your dealing with such spineless twats, horrible way to treat a friend

sashafierce

sashafierce wrote: »

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I think that's unfair.

OP, you're under considerable strain at the moment, it's horrible and it happens to all of us at some stage. I really do sympathise, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

It's a holiday, and they're probably concerned that they'd have to spend it looking after you.

You seem to be in a pretty bad place at the moment, and when someone is in that kind of mindset it can be quite a struggle to help them. As much as you do deserve help and comforting from your friends, they deserve to right to choose how they spend their holiday, and if that means just the two of them, that's their choice, and I wouldn't hold it against them.

You seem incredibly offended by all of this, you've stopped eating and you're putting a lot of blame on them for how you're feeling. It seems that your issues at the moment go a lot deeper than this, and to be honest I think that in searching for something to pin your anger on you've reacted disproportionately to this. I'm not saying you're being completely unreasonable, but I do think you need to start eating again and just let it go.

LegacyUser

true-or-false wrote: »

I think that's unfair.

OP, you're under considerable strain at the moment, it's horrible and it happens to all of us at some stage. I really do sympathise, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

It's a holiday, and they're probably concerned that they'd have to spend it looking after you.

You seem to be in a pretty bad place at the moment, and when someone is in that kind of mindset it can be quite a struggle to help them. As much as you do deserve help and comforting from your friends, they deserve to right to choose how they spend their holiday, and if that means just the two of them, that's their choice, and I wouldn't hold it against them.

You seem incredibly offended by all of this, you've stopped eating and you're putting a lot of blame on them for how you're feeling. It seems that your issues at the moment go a lot deeper than this, and to be honest I think that in searching for something to pin your anger on you've reacted disproportionately to this. I'm not saying you're being completely unreasonable, but I do think you need to start eating again and just let it go.

They would of in no way had to mind me. I have in no way let them know how bad i am feeling other than saying i was feeling very down. They dont know how deep it goes. Having that trip to look forward to would have lifted my spirits greatly. The place they are going is the one place in the world when i feel a sense of calm and happiness when i go there. Sounds a bit much i know but its true. All i wanted was to be asked or at least told why i wasnt wanted. Is that too much to ask?

sashafierce

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MissFlitworth

I have a relative with anxiety issues and as much as I love them I couldn't go away on holidays with them. I've done it before and it's awful Their anxiety comes out as being really demanding, paranoid that people don't like them or are talking about them and constantly needing reassurance and stuff done for them that they're too anxious to deal with. They also get very angry if they're put in a position that triggers the anxiety (mainly social). It's unbelieveaby draining to be around. I'm not saying that's you but you mention that things are 'off with everyone' and in the same sentence that you're suffering from stress and anxiety and you sound super intense so it's something to consider. You probably should just let this thing with your friends go and work on whatever it is is behind your sadness & anxiety so you're in a good place to be with people.

username123

MissFlitworth wrote: »

I have a relative with anxiety issues and as much as I love them I couldn't go away on holidays with them. I've done it before and it's awful Their anxiety comes out as being really demanding, paranoid that people don't like them or are talking about them and constantly needing reassurance and stuff done for them that they're too anxious to deal with. They also get very angry if they're put in a position that triggers the anxiety (mainly social). It's unbelieveaby draining to be around. I'm not saying that's you but you mention that things are 'off with everyone' and in the same sentence that you're suffering from stress and anxiety and you sound super intense so it's something to consider. You probably should just let this thing with your friends go and work on whatever it is is behind your sadness & anxiety so you're in a good place to be with people.

+1

While I have enormous sympathy that you find yourself in a bad place your posts do come off as quite needy, intense and self centered. There also seems to be a bit of a victim complex. Its more likely that these people just wanted to go off and have a bit of craic themselves rather than had any deliberate notion to hurt you. The world does not revolve around you.

It seems quite demanding to be pulling people up on publically announced holiday plans or to be dropping hints 3 or 4 times a week - if someone is not reacting to dropped hints it is a social sign that they do not wish to engage on the subject and you need to accept that.

I think your reaction is out of proportion to what is happening. Two friends booked a holiday and didnt invite you. They are entitled to do that. All the stuff about it being the one place in the world that you feel calm is quite melodramatic. Personally I wouldnt like to go on holidays with someone who was being melodramatic and over intense about things. Too draining.

I would strongly suggest you seek medical advice for how you are feeling and/or counselling.

ElleEm

I really sympathise with you, OP. It seems like these friends aren't what you want them to be.

I completely agree with all of Username's post.

With real friends, there should be no hinting. You should have asked them out straight to go on holiday with you to this place. It can be quite annoying to have to deal with someone who is so passive. And "hinting 3-4 times in one week" is really excessive. You seemed to be ignoring the fact that she was obviously not responding to your request for a reason.

Even though you have not told your friends outright what is going on for you, I bet it shows unconsciously in your behaviour and language. You said you've been "off with everyone" for the last few months. Dynamics change within groups, and these girls may have become closer with each other. They may also be concerned at the fact that you were "off" with them for a few months, now you're mad for going on a holiday with them. Holidays are only fun if everyone going is on the same wavelength, They can be hideous if not.

In fairness though, these girls are not responsible for you. They booked a holiday cos they want to go on one together. They have clearly hurt your feelings but they are entitled to do what they want. Maybe they should have been out straight with you, and said they weren't interested in going on holiday with you, but equally, you should have asked them to go on holiday with you and not been so passive about it.

desolate sun

OP I sympathise with you. It wasn't a very nice thing to do to you. Those girls would have been talking behind your back. You needed a bit of support and they werent there for you.

TBH if I was down, my friends would be trying to bring me up. In fact if a friend was feeling down and we all wanted to go away I would think it was the perfect pick me up to bring my friend away.

You deserve an explanation. If ye are all close and normally do things together, deliberately leaving you out was out of order.

I think you should ask them why they didnt want you on the holiday.