Make the heart stop wanting who it wants

LegacyUser

I had a recent break up from a short lived relationship that was really good.
We were both happy & it was the best start to a relationship that I have ever had. That says it all - we both (at some point) saw it as the start of something.

Then it ended, without warning, due to something that was external to us.
To over simplify it - he got scared of hurting me.

He's reassured me that he cares about me & wants us to have a future as friends, and although I've tried to talk him round about giving us a chance I've now had to accept that that won't happen.

So how the hell do I move on? I can't rationalise the break up with him not being into me, or us not getting on. So how do I get my heart to stop wanting something that it cannot have.

We were only together a short while, and not in love (although I was falling for him) so there's no logical reason why I still want him. And I'm pissed off with myself for not being over it yet

CaraMay

If he was scared to hurt you then his feeling were involved so the cause of the break up wasn't really external - it was something he felt was right.

Sorry op but it was a polite way of saying he wanted to end the relationship. There is no point pining for him, just accept it and he thankful you are now free to meet the right man for you.

judgefudge

Yeah I don't really get the not wanting to hurt you thing? I mean generally if somebody really wants to be with you they can't not be with you, if that makes sense. So it could be an excuse.

Either way though, at the end of the day you say you were really into him. So if he had turned around and said he just wasn't into it anymore would you find it any easier to reconcile yourself with that? I don't think so... For whatever reason, you aren't seeing each other anymore. So best thing to do is not to think about the reasons or the what ifs. Distract yourself, focus on yourself and spend time with your friends. Just give it time essentially.

Merkin

Not wanting to hurt you is a piss poor get out clause unfortunately and by trying to soften the blow he is in fact prolonging the hurt and confusion.He simply isn't as into it as you were and while that hurts like hell and may seem desperately stark, it's easier to come to terms with that concept than some vague excuse as to why it won't work.Cut contact and lick your wounds hon x

beks101

If you both really wanted to be together, no set of circumstances could stop you from being together. That's the cold, hard reality of it.

He liked you in his own way, but his feelings didn't match yours in strength. You deserve someone who's on the same page as you and willing to give 100% regardless of anything external.

Give the friendship thing a miss for a while. It'll take time for the feelings to pass.

You'll think of nothing but him morning til night for the next few weeks, then you'll have a morning where you don't think of him...gradually he'll be on your mind less and less. We've all been through it and it's just knuckling through and treating yourself with kindness, letting the feelings out in whatever way you need to and giving yourself the space to move on.

illicit007

beks101 wrote: »

If you both really wanted to be together, no set of circumstances could stop you from being together. That's the cold, hard reality of it.

He liked you in his own way, but his feelings didn't match yours in strength. You deserve someone who's on the same page as you and willing to give 100% regardless of anything external.

Give the friendship thing a miss for a while. It'll take time for the feelings to pass.

You'll think of nothing but him morning til night for the next few weeks, then you'll have a morning where you don't think of him...gradually he'll be on your mind less and less. We've all been through it and it's just knuckling through and treating yourself with kindness, letting the feelings out in whatever way you need to and giving yourself the space to move on.

Exactly what that wise person said.

In my simpler but not as thorough reply, the answer is...

Time and space. You need a lot of both of them. The more space and time you can put between him and you the better. The less the worse.

Do the smart thing and pick the better option. Pretty please? You'll find someone better suited for you and when that happens you'll be much much better off.

It's actually a good thing this happened.