Guy blowing hot & cold!

Eliza b

Hi there, I'm a separated mum with 2 kids. Last summer a fella I know through business dealings started texting me, flirting & fun texts. This continued for a few months til one night he admitted to having a girlfriend. I accused him of being a player, he apologised & the contact stopped. Last week I had to contact him with work stuff, when I speak to him he seems very uncomfortable & quite shy. Yesterday evening he was back texting, complimenting me on my appearance etc. After about an hour of suggestive, flirty texts between us, to test him, I asked him did he want to meet up for fun. He was v eager arranging to meet at his house & all of a sudden it changed...he replied that he was sorry for messing me around & that he couldn't go through with it. I just replied no prob. I really like this guy, but don't know if he's really interested in me or just trying to be a player. Do I contact him again or let it go? All advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance. X

P. Breathnach

Have you any reason to think that he is now unattached?

It looks like he is trying to play a game with you - not necessarily as a "player", more as a friendly flirtation.

ElleEm

He is in a relationship and you decided to "test him" by enticing him into cheating?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
This guy is unavailable-let it go.

Merkin

Eliza b wrote: »

Do I contact him again or let it go?

If you're happy to be someone's sloppy seconds and like to make a habit of sleeping with people who have partners then go right ahead.

Your self-esteem must be at rock bottom if you're thinking that this has even potential tbh, he sounds like an a$$hole.

Meauldsegosha

Is he still in a relationship? If yes then let him go.

Forever Hopeful

Eliza b wrote: »

Hi there, I'm a separated mum with 2 kids. Last summer a fella I know through business dealings started texting me, flirting & fun texts. This continued for a few months til one night he admitted to having a girlfriend. I accused him of being a player, he apologised & the contact stopped. Last week I had to contact him with work stuff, when I speak to him he seems very uncomfortable & quite shy. Yesterday evening he was back texting, complimenting me on my appearance etc. After about an hour of suggestive, flirty texts between us, to test him, I asked him did he want to meet up for fun. He was v eager arranging to meet at his house & all of a sudden it changed...he replied that he was sorry for messing me around & that he couldn't go through with it. I just replied no prob. I really like this guy, but don't know if he's really interested in me or just trying to be a player. Do I contact him again or let it go? All advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance. X

The detail that people put in their OPs speaks volumes.
Op, you are a separated mum with 2 kids so you have a hectic life. Guy shows interest. You do the smart healthy thing of telling him to back off when you found out he had a girlfriend.

After the initial high of someone fancying you and missing that when contacting stopped, you wanted to explore more as you are lonely, that's ok.
What's wrong here is a) you don't test someone to find out if they are still with someone, you ask b) you haven't got the message and he is still with girlfriend.
There is nothing to pursue with this guy, move in and find a single guy.

Good luck

Catari Jaguar

Eliza b wrote: »

all of a sudden it changed...he replied that he was sorry for messing me around & that he couldn't go through with it.

There's your answer. He liked the attention and the fantasy but when it came to crunch time he doesn't think you are worth cheating on his girlfriend. Forget about him. Don't be massaging his ego anymore.

Stavro Mueller

You didn't mention if he's still with his girlfriend. Y'know, the girl he was seeing while he was sending you flirty texts...

Abi

cymbaline wrote: »

You didn't mention if he's still with his girlfriend. Y'know, the girl he was seeing while he was sending you flirty texts...

That would be a yes judging by his actions.

I think what people forget when they're hooking up with a cheater is that they'd do the same thing again given the chance.

Eliza b

Thanks so much for your replies, however brutally honest they were. Can I just clarify: up until my separation I've been with same guy since I was a teen. I didn't deliberately try to catch someone who was in a relationship, I asked him the other nite if he had a girlfriend & he denied it. I've however since learnt he does. I propositioned him to see if he was serious or not...I hadn't decided if I would meet up with him. As u can imagine, having been with same guy for so long, it's a big jump for me now & I'm lacking in confidence & yes, lonely. I completely mis judged him, he came onto me, I never initiated it. Unfortunately we still have to do business together but I'd like to think he will feel more uncomfortable than me as I have nothing to hide. I've learnt from my mistake. Once again, thanks a mil for your help.....now I see the wood from the trees. Xxxx

CaraMay

Well done OP. It can be very daunting getting back into the dating scene after being in a long relationship. The only advice Ill give you is 'value yourself'... You deserve the best and not some half hearted, slimy (potential) cheat. Take your time and enjoy dating rather than rush in and meet the wrong man.

Eliza b

Ok.... 2 months later + the saga continues!! He phoned last night + we ended up having a deep meaningful conversation for 2 hours. It finished up with him asking me away for the weekend.......help!!!! I'm so into this guy, its not funny, so my question is do I say yes or no?!?!

Challo

I'd say it's the same advice as was given above.

Is he actually single? And if so, do you really think he's someone worth giving your time to?

Stavro Mueller

If you need to ask, then there's your answer....

Everything you posted about this guy til now makes him sound like someone you'd only trust as far as you'd throw him. I get that you're lonely, horny etc. but do you really need to sink this low.

Meauldsegosha

Is he still with his girlfriend? If yes then read all the previous advice on this thread. Stay away from him.

CaraMay

Why are you still wasting your time in him? He is a sleaze.

Stavro Mueller

Seeing as he denied having a girlfriend when he actually did have one, I'd not be too confident that he is now actually single. She might be gone off somewhere for the weekend, leaving a vacancy open for her lovely boyfriend to get someone else into his bed.

If he is single why can't you just date him like any normal person would instead of running off with him at the first opportunity?

LegacyUser

This guy wants a **** buddy and nothing else.
He knows that you are alone with 2 children so thinks that she will be so glad for some male company she will put up with anything. He will tell you what you want to hear.

A few years ago I got involved with a guy like this. He expected me to be around when he wanted. I did nothing I would later feel sorry about.
I knew he had a major social occasion coming up where he needed to invite a woman to.
I heard then that he invited other woman to this. He then expected her to have sex with him and she told him where to go.

Don't become this sleaze **** buddy.

Czarcasm

If he was doing it to his then girlfriend OP, he'll do it to you just as handy. The guys obviously an attention seeking charmer (clearly it's not taking much if he has you wrapped around his finger!), but you only see him as just as much an escape from the daily grind and if we're honest here you're loving the attention you're getting just as much as he is.

It does sound like you won't be happy till you get him in the sack, but tbh this guy just sounds like a head melt, and two months later you should've moved on by now and not be making yourself available to this ass clown.

However well you might think you'd be doing OP getting this guy in the sack, I guarantee you can do a hell of a lot better than him and you wouldn't have to try too hard.

The other aspect of this of course is that you seem to have to work with him on a regular basis. With that in mind OP I think you're being incredibly naive if you don't think you'll become office gossip fodder out of this. You're far better off for your own sanity, your reputation and respect for yourself by telling this guy to keep it in his pants and keep it strictly professional between you both.

Hannibal Smith

You will end up being hurt op. he sounds like an attention seeker to me and enjoys the extra attention he's getting from you. He's been dishonest with you and underhanded and that is not going to stop.

Get out before you're in too deep.

Oryx

Eliza b wrote: »

Ok.... 2 months later + the saga continues!! He phoned last night + we ended up having a deep meaningful conversation for 2 hours. It finished up with him asking me away for the weekend.......help!!!! I'm so into this guy, its not funny, so my question is do I say yes or no?!?!

You say no.

Why would you say yes? He is a messer, a potential cheat, and a liar.

He wants to go away for the weekend. Of course he does. Because he gets to sleep with you.

Anyone can fake deep and meaningful. It doesn't mean they are either.

ash23

Imo, the only reason a guy (whom you've not even dated) would want to go away for a weekend is to get laid without anyone local seeing him.

That either means he's ashamed of you or he has something to hide (most likely the latter).
A guy who is genuinely interested will have no problem meeting you for a drink in a local pub or for a meal in a local restaurant.

Ask him on a date, a local one, and if he says no then he's hiding something (probably you - from his girlfriend)

Distorted

His behaviour is awful, and he is using you for an ego boost. How can you be attracted to someone like that? How would you like it if your boyfriend was texting another woman behind your back, asking her out on dates and suggesting they go away together for the weekend? Don't condone his awful behaviour any further - tell him to get lost. Cheating men are worthless, it will do nothing for your self esteem and only make you think men like him are all you are worth.

There is a reason most men like this lie initially about being single - they know you won't be interested, until they get a chance to hook you with some attention first.

RelationshipAd

Elisa,

I might not be the best one to say anything. But I am currently in a relationship that truly is not working. We both know it and it still has not ended.

I tell you this because, when things got really bad with my girlfriend. I started talking to a girl from work. She for some reason really enjoyed my company. I also enjoyed hers. I knew I still had feelings for my girlfriend so I put a stop to talking to this girl from work because I did not want her getting the wrong idea.

When things get bad, I think about texting her because she will make me feel wanted. Thats all I'd say. I choose not to text her because she is a nice girl and does not deserve to be played.

I believe that when things start going bad with between himself and the girlfriend he picks up the phone and you give him the attention he needs. All those times plans made were crushed it was him choosing his girlfriend over you. I believe you know this yourself.

May you gain the strength to move pass him.

Lorna123

If you are happy with being with this man for one night, being used by him and are okay with how you will feel the next day, not to mention how you will feel when you see him in a work capacity then go ahead sleep with him. You will never have a proper relationship with him because he is not going about it the way a man would if he was genuinely interested. He will have more respect for you if you refuse to have anything to do with him and you will also have more respect for yourself.