Sick of getting hurt.

LegacyUser

Sorry if this seems all over the place, I'm not that good at explaining. But I'll try my best.

Basically I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend 2 years now. We're both in our early 20s.
Recently though, I've been feeling a bit upset because of him, I'm wondering if I'm right too?

Firstly, he insults my intelligence. It's not the once off, it's constant. I got a spelling wrong once, and now every single time I'm Googling something, or writing something, he'll always spell everything out loud and say in an insulting voice 'are you sure you've spelt it right?' or along those lines, every single time. I do know how to spell, of course, it's just insulting and hurts me inside. I used to take it on the chin, but now it's just hurtful.
He doubts everything from me aswell and assumes he's always right.

Secondly, we're both in college. I work a part time job. He wants to go away for the summer, which I can't afford. He suggests going to mammy for a 'handout', which I won't. Which creates a few arguments. Just because his family has money, it's like he expects me to have the same, which I don't. He puts emphasis that his family has money and that they can go abroad a few times a year. That he could go travelling around the world but it's me holding him back. If I could, I definitely would. I just can't afford it. It makes me feel terrible.

Third, he has a terrible attitude. When he's happy and smiling, it's great. When he's angry and annoyed, my god, it is bad. I'm not the only one to notice it. His parents and siblings have said it to him aswell. Whether its our arguments, or a family members, I always end up being the brunt of it.


Sometimes I feel like walking away from it all, because I'm sick of being insulted.
But the other half of it is, when he's in a happy mood, it's amazing. We get on great. He treats me very well and we spend a lot of time together.


I guess he has attitude problems, but I don't know which way or where to turn to fix this...

CaraMay

You can't change his attitude you are the only one who can change by refusing to take his bad behavior. Why are you staying with him when he is do patronizing to you? You need to work on your self esteem.

Toast4532

I agree with Cara May.

I think he sounds like a stuck sup snob who thinks he is better than you and because his family have money and yours don't.

So what, it's just money, it might buy him round-the-world trips, or fancy cars, expensive clothes etc but it won't buy him happiness IMO.

You are better off without him, there are far nicer men out there, get rid of this one and find a good one.

I think you need to weigh up the pros and cons of staying with him.

If you stay with him be prepared to put up withholding him back (as he says), being subjected to insults, his patronising behaviour etc. is that what you want? Really?

kylith

I wouldn't ignore those warning signs OP. It might be great when he's happy, but you'll be living in dread of saying or doing something wrong. TBH, it sounds like he's laying the groundwork for destroying your self esteem by putting you down and making you feel stupid. I'd advise you to get as far away from him as possible.

IrishEyes19

Thats not a relationship, op, its bully behaviour and pressurising. a few happy moments when he feels like it isnt good enough op. why would you sell yourself short for someone who puts you down and makes you feel guilty.

mood

It sounds like the start of an abusive relationship. Get out now OP.

stargazer 68

WhatToDo. wrote: »

But the other half of it is, when he's in a happy mood, it's amazing. We get on great. He treats me very well and we spend a lot of time together.

I guess he has attitude problems, but I don't know which way or where to turn to fix this...

Op why would you stay with someone like that? You are together 2 years yet you say he is 'great' when he is happy and treats you well - partners are supposed to to that ALL the time. No mention of whether you love him or not.

His attitude is not yours to fix. Get out now and stop wasting your time with someone who clearly has no respect for you.

kat.mac

The only way to fix this is to get yourself away from him, OP. He's bringing you down something awful!

Beruthiel

WhatToDo. wrote: »

I guess he has attitude problems, but I don't know which way or where to turn to fix this...

The only one who can fix your b/f is your b/f.
Don't, for one second, think that you can actually change another person.

So, he arrogantly thinks that because his family has money, you should to.
He doesn't understand that as an adult, he should be standing on his own two feet instead of taking handouts from his parents.
He insults your intelligence.
He has a bad temper.

While you stay with him you validate all of the above behaviour. IE - you are telling him that you accept it by remaining with him.

So, knowing you cannot change him, that this behaviour will not change, you must ask yourself the question - do I intend to spend X amount of years with this person, and if so, why exactly?

December2012

So he insults your intelligence, is moody, patronising, cannot see things from your perspective....

And yet you say he treats you well....

Do you mean he spends money on you?