opinions please

LegacyUser

in a nutshell. im male btw

i have a group of female friends(one of which is one of my best friends). I was seeing a girl for 6 months who is friends with them, so attends some of their bday parties etc. I was last with this girl while i had started seeing my current girlfriend. So while I didnt cheat my now gf wasnt aware i was with the other girl until a few months later when i told her. she wasnt impressed

anyway!

my gf doesnt want to be around this girl, i get invited to stuff(i have a 30th next week) where she will be there. what do i do? to note this girl made a conscious effort to try and break us up back when I started seeing my current gf. so i dont particularly want to see her either, but then id feel awful skipping all my friends bdays etc(my gf seems to understand that ill have to go to any weddings)

is there a compromise here? only go to weddings? only go to BEST friend parties?

Brego888

Tricky one.

You need to be concious of your girlfriends feelings but you need to be able to go to a friends 30th birthday too. Thats pretty important. Id be avoiding normal nights out when your ex will be there as annoying as that might me.
Weddings of course should be acceptable.

The crux of this is you need to spend some time reassuring your girlfriend though.

No easy answer to this.

Boombastic

I'd go to the party. Surely there will be other people there and you can (avoid?) limit your interaction with this other girl. Reassure you girlfriend and let her know that you do not want much to do with this girl. Don't distance yourself from your other friends because of this girl.

ibarelycare

It's your girlfriend's decision not to want to hang around with this girl, you can't force her to. However that shouldn't stop you hanging around with her friends. If you're invited to a night out and you want to go, then do. Don't turn it down just because your girlfriend isn't going. And don't let her try and tell you that you can't go. As for the other girl, just ignore her.

Magicmatilda

So you cheated on this girl with your current girlfriend? Is that correct? Is that how she sees things? If that is the case then I would not blame your gf not wanting to hang around her, I would feel pretty bad if I were her, even though she did nothing wrong. I think to be honest it's a bit unfair on the first girl to keep turning up on nights out as you may have hurt her pretty badly. Can you not see your friend away from the party, go for a coffee or something. I could have the wrong end of the stick but it sounds to me like you cheated on this girl with your current gf.

ibarelycare

Magicmatilda wrote: »

So you cheated on this girl with your current girlfriend? Is that correct? Is that how she sees things? If that is the case then I would not blame your gf not wanting to hang around her, I would feel pretty bad if I were her, even though she did nothing wrong. I think to be honest it's a bit unfair on the first girl to keep turning up on nights out as you may have hurt her pretty badly. Can you not see your friend away from the party, go for a coffee or something. I could have the wrong end of the stick but it sounds to me like you cheated on this girl with your current gf.

He said in the OP that he didn't cheat.

LegacyUser

no i didnt cheat! I just assumed she was also seeing other people as well, but she wasnt, and then we decided to become bf/gf

and the other girl may have been hurt, hence trying to break us up, but she has since met someone and will be there with her bf

i spoke to my gf and told her that i understand why she doesnt want to be around her, i said i wont go if she doesn't want me to. i dont think she'll stop me from going tbh, she knows i should be there. id say if we went this time it would be okay in the future as she'd see there's feck all to be worrying about!

stargazer 68

compromise wrote: »

id say if we went this time it would be okay in the future as she'd see there's feck all to be worrying about!

Op I think both of you should go to this party and the other girl can see you together as well your gf seeing there is nothing to worry about. If we all avoided going to places where we could run into an ex we would never go out.

Just spotted the bit that she will be there with her bf. She has moved on - you two need to as well

MPB

Dovies wrote: »

Op I think both of you should go to this party and the other girl can see you together as well your gf seeing there is nothing to worry about. If we all avoided going to places where we could run into an ex we would never go out.

Just spotted the bit that she will be there with her bf. She has moved on - you two need to as well

I agree with this. Both of you should go. Mates are mates and always will be so dropping your mates/mates occasions for a gf could be costly if you and she broke up down the line. Been there and done that and there was a lot of grovelling to be done to repair the damage that did so yeah you should go to the party and Id be almost insisting your gf goes too. Worst case scenario your gf doesnt go and your ex starts spinning lies about the goings on which may cast doubts on your gfs mind about you as after all its your ex thats doing the stories and she is your ex. So your gf being there leaves no room for your ex to start any stories about anything. Sounds like your gf aint worth losing so be open and honest with her. If you both go to the party theres no rule that says you have to drink/dine with your ex. Anyway as you say she has a new jockey so should be all harmless.