What has happened my friend??

LegacyUser

I have a friend who is in her 30s. We are friends for the last couple of years (very good friends) but the last few months she has become insufferable.

She is the biggest “poor me” victim I have ever met in my life. She is always sick with something/coming home with a limp/has some random crazy injury that doesn’t make sense. I’d go so far as to say that if she had all the illnesses she claims to be suffering from she’d be dead a long time ago.

What’s paired with this is a constant pessimistic attitude. I feel like I’m treading on eggshells with her, and I’m starting to avoid spending time with her because even saying “hey how are you” will start bringing me down with her.

She also seems very depressed in ways too. Shuts herself off from certain people (especially me) and when we do meet she acts like I really piss her off. When I go to spend time with other people, I get a snobby “oh right, whatever” – as in I don’t need you anyway. I think that this is just a defence mechanism though, I think she is jealous and wants to appear like she doesn’t care.

Her whole life is a yo-yo up and down – when she is in good form she’s the best in the world to be around, but the opposite is also true and this is what’s now happening 99% of the time.

Any advice?!

Roisy7

Has something major happened in her life?

Do you think she has depression?

Have you ever sat her down and said "Look, X, this is the way you're treating me, and I don't like it or deserve it".

It sounds to me that there is something major going on in her own life if this behaviour is out of character.

shalalala

Sounds like you could be friends with me. I have depression and my mood goes up and down. Luckily I have friends that I can confide in about it and I have developed the tools to deal with it without dragging everyone around me down (although sometimes I probably still do).

Maybe sit her down. Say you have noticed she has been down in herself a lot lately and that you are worried. Maybe say you have a friend that also has this problem and that she benefited from talking to a counsellor? This way it is being impartial and non-judgemental and it is letting her know that she cannot treat you like a dumping ground for her problems. There are paid professionals for that.

IrishEyes19

Is this a sudden change in her personality or has she always been like this. It sounds like something happened OP. Now I dont mean to be harsh, but if you claim she is the good friend and care about her, why not help her. firstly ask her and confront her with how you feel. Obviously dont go in accusing and such, but ask her, if she feels emotionally, not physically. Cant diagnose here obviously but I will quickly say, that what you have described here is reminiscent of depression, something I am aware of having a friend who is similar and this could be the possible reason, then again maybe not.

ennis81

I acted extremely out of character for a while due to depression and a major trauma in my life, some of my friends didn't understand or care and the rest were ab fab:) if anything I definitely found out which friends were my real friends. If this is unusual for her to be acting like this then talk to her and try to help her that's what friendships all about, however if this is her regular personality then maybe you need to limit the time you spend with her

LegacyUser

OP I have a friend who changed due to depression years ago. I stuck by her through thick and thin listening, listening, listening. Our friendship revolved around me listening to her complain when I have often been in a much worse situation due to unemployment/heartbreak (but luckily to depression). It has come to a point where I don't know how much more I can take and I think she really is bringing me down with her.

My advice would be don't let it go on as long as I have. Have a discussion to sir you concerns. Tell her you feel she need medical help etc.

christinekiki

She is acting how i acted a few years back when i had depression, luckily i had a friend who recognised it and recommended i go to counselling. It was one of the hardest things i ever did- admitting to myself what was wrong-but Im glad id friends there to help me. Sit your friend down, talk to her. Be open with her. Give her numbers of people to talk to. Its up to her from there, help her make the first step&be there for her after. Nothing more you can do. She won't admit she has a problem or might be cross at you for saying it. But you are doing the right thing.

sashafierce

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christinekiki

Id recommend you and her read this book- depression the common sense approach,tony bates.