Really long but reallly need advise

lifeandtimes

Okay well let me start.

I(24) met and feeling love with a woman(33) when I was 21 and she was 30, we go on like a house on fire and started a great relationship, just like everyone we had ups and downs and ever travelled to other parts of the world together.
Fast forward to we began trying for a family and Christmas 2011 we conceived, April of 2012 I asked her to marry me and everything was going fine.
When our baby was born in august the next few weeks were tough as would be expected but this is where my problem begins...
Sometimes my partner would cry and feel she wasn’t doing a good job and I would comfort her and tell she was doing a great job because she was, on a particular night our baby wasn’t sleeping and I volunteered to stay awake and mind her while my partner went to sleep in the other room.
The next morning my partner informed me she wasn’t feeling well and doctors had confirmed she had mastitis a week or two earlier so she came in to lie down in our room and I took our baby away downstairs.
This was a day that my friend who had moved to England a year earlier was over for the day and came over to say hi, now with my partner not well and our baby being agitated he only stayed for 10 minutes and said he was going to my other friends house who lives 5 minutes down the road and I told him I’d see how my fiancée is feeling.
Throughout the day she stayed in bed and didn’t really seem all that unwell. I came up at one point to but our baby in her crib and was getting change my fiancée asked me where I was going, I said I wasn’t going anywhere but if she was feeling better later on i might head to my friends for an hour.
This didn’t go down and a massive argument ensued as she couldn’t believe I would think about leaving her, she also brought up that i rolled my eyes when I was talking care of my daughter one night and it was four in the morning and she was crying and that I obviously didn’t love her as much as she did, I admit to the rolling as I was tired but I certainly love my daughter with all my heart, I then tried to explain that if I did go as I hadn’t said yes or no yet I would only be down the road if I was needed, she didn’t see my logic and kicked me out.
I went to my friends after being kicked out and got a text to say don’t come back as her parent were there and weren’t happy and to keep scarce.
She moved into her folks place after this and apparently got sicker.
I tried to come up and see my daughter as much as I could and even tried to explain my situation to her but this would usually end in an argument and even her threatening me that her father would come down and punch me.
Safe to say I was devastated.
Eventually I managed to get her to talk with me and she agreed to come home with our baby if I admitted to what I did and that being I left her while she was sick(I was kicked out) but to have my family back I admitted that it was my fault. She then asked me to apologise to her parents for what I did as they were angry with me as well, I felt I shouldn’t have to be too as this is about her and I but to keep peace, I went to her parents one day I did and her dad basically told me that he was going to kill me that day we had the argument if he had of found me
This all happened from September to October and from then on things weren’t great, I felt she wasn’t nice towards me, would get angry at the slighted thing and cause arguments, we went out one night to a gig and ended up having a great night however the next weekend we were to go to an Christmas dinner with friends and I could tell during the day that she was off with me as she has been lately, I confronted her on this and she admitted that she still resented me for what happened in September and couldn’t get over it, I didn’t want to go to the dinner but i ended up to keep face and we had a disagreement that night, she stormed off into a crowd and i couldn’t find her and had to walk 2 hours home as she had our cab fare, i got home and she wasn’t there so i went to be in our spare room at 3.
She then came home at 8 in the morning more drunk than when i had left her and came into where i was staying started a fight saying how she doesn’t care about me and hasn’t for a long time and that im a **** dad, she then got violent and tried to hit, kick and punch me but after a couple of secs i managed to get under the covers, she then went downstairs and came back and started throwing things at me like the bottom of kettle among other things, she then threw a bowl of water over my phone and this in turn broke it. I had to get out of the bed and grab her by the arm to put her out of the room and hold the door shut to stop her coming in again.
She then went to her sisters and came back the evening and apologise and went to her parents for a couple of days.
She came back a couple of days later and i tried to move one but it was useless...the day before chrismas eve she asked to use my phone and i found that she had been going through my internet history and i couldn’t take anymore, i went down to my parents to stay on xmas eve and missed my baby’s first xmas as i couldn’t bare the thought of being in her parents’ house as we had just broke up and they dont like me anyway so it would have been an uncomfortable day. I admit that not seeing my daughter on Christmas day was bad, if I could I would get the courage to go up to that house and be with her but I can and have to live with that, I did come up on stephens day and was in a car crash on the way up but still it didn’t stop me seeing her
So as of now i have moved out and am staying in my parents’ get to see my daughter on Wednesdays and second saturdays(she wont let me take her on overnights when i get a new place as she doesnt think im a good enough father to take care of her but thats another issue i will deal with),i pay my monthly maintanece to her as well but in the eyes of my ex i am the worst person in the world for what ive done and apparently everyone on her side i.e. friends and family agree with her

What im asking for is advice and what un biased people think,, i am so sad as my family are gone from me and the future i wanted for us and can feel myself getting more and more lower every day and i am now thinking maybe i have some mental issue where i can’t see what i have done wrong like all her friend’s and family do and i might need help, i must add that my family anf friends are on my side and believe she has totaly over reacted and may postpartum depression.

Please if you had a friend in this situation what would you tell them?

sorry for the long post but it is all relevant information and thank you for reading

smash

Possible post natal depression?

sReq | uTeK

You're a saint.

is you name on the birth cert? If so seek legal advice and get time with your daughter, I know you're sad that your family has broke up, but this should be no environment for you or your child to live in.

lifeandtimes

also i must add that she is a great mother to our child and i would never doubt our childs saftey with her

lifeandtimes

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

You're a saint.

is you name on the birth cert? If so seek legal advice and get time with your daughter, I know you're sad that your family has broke up, but this should be no environment for you or your child to live in.

Yes my name is on the birth cert and my daughter has my family name although my ex says she will be calling her by her families last name, i didnt think she could change it

sReq | uTeK

lifeandtimes wrote: »

Yes my name is on the birth cert and my daughter has my family name although my ex says she will be calling her by her families last name, i didnt think she could change it

You can change the name one time, for instance our child's name is double barreled on the birth cert but upon getting married we are changing it to just the one, as long as your name is on the birth cert, you have rights.

It does sound however that she's turned drastically since the birth, have you mentioned she see someone professionally.

It does sound like Post Natal Depression!

lifeandtimes

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

You can change the name one time, for instance our child's name is double barreled on the birth cert but upon getting married we are changing it to just the one, as long as your name is on the birth cert, you have rights.

It does sound however that she's turned drastically since the birth, have you mentioned she see someone professionally.

It does sound like Post Natal Depression!

Thats true, upon getting married if the fathers name is not on it she can but i dont think she can change it even if she gets married to someone else or just becuase she wants to,maybe somebody can confirm that?

Lorna123

I don't know what you can do OP. It sounds like she doesn't want you and is making life difficult for you so best stay away from her. From what you wrote I cannot see where you did anything wrong at all. You won't please this woman no matter what you do, so no point in trying. She is disrespectful towards you and I would not stand for it if I were you. You sound like a good decent man so stand up for yourself and don't accept the crap she is offering you. Definitely seek legal advice about your daughter.

justsmile

I can't see that you have done anything wrong. She seems to be very difficult. Her family will take her side over yours but that doesn't mean she is right. You seem like a good father and dont listen to her if she tells you otherwise. Legal advice is the way to go to ensure a relationship with your daughter.