Almost there but need your advice!

bogman007

Hi all,

So im a 23 year old guy. Im in the final year of my college course and looking forward to finishing. I suffered from depression and low self esteem for quite a few years. Anyway I got the counselling I needed and im doing pretty well now with my mental health.

Just from peoples observations of me I am told that I'm a very nice/sound guy. I think going through depression as I have and self-esteem issues has made me more aware of the people around me and my philosophy is just treat people well.

So the reason why I'm writing this. I will trim it down for ye. The negative side of the depression that I had led me to cut off all ties with almost all my social contacts and It also led me to take a year out of college to try and deal with it. Anyway I took the big step to go back and finish my course about a year and a half ago and iv only 8 weeks of college left until I finish which I am very proud of. My plan after this is to emigrate and start my life afresh.

Recently I was out on a college night(very rare) and I found that I do not enjoy these scenes any more and I hate alcohol! I don't get the same enjoyment that I used to get out of it when I was in my early teens. How do I find a social activity to meet people instead of the above and also woman? Iv heard of these dating events but are they really any good? Am I too young for it at 23? What I really want now is to get out of here, find an Irish community abroad to play football with and settle down with a girl.

Thanks v much for reading!

ABajaninCork

What do you enjoy doing (besides footy!)?

looksee

Don't go out 'looking' for girls. Find things to do that you enjoy that involve more than sitting in a pub or club - there are loads of groups and organisations, be open minded about it, if you get a chance to do something, give it a go, don't assume that you wouldn't like it. You are 23, you might want to have a girlfriend, but don't assume that you should be settling down.

The other point is your wish to 'start again' and then you say that you want to find an Irish community abroad! Why not just stay here, what do Irish communities do abroad that they don't do here, apart from weeping into their green beer thinking of home?

Go abroad, but give yourself chance to meet people of other nationalities, get involved in activities for their own sake, rather than because they are organised at the local Irish club.

I lived abroad for a number of years and people used to say that the ex-pats (of all nationalities) were there because they were running away from something, and it was generally true. Make sure when you run away that you do in fact get away, don't take your emotional baggage with you!

bogman007

looksee wrote: »

I lived abroad for a number of years and people used to say that the ex-pats (of all nationalities) were there because they were running away from something, and it was generally true. Make sure when you run away that you do in fact get away, don't take your emotional baggage with you!

Its true in a way that I am running away from problems that I had in the past.
I practically cut off all contact with my home community for years and I feel I have now left it for so long that its too hard emotionally for me to go through. I suppose the reason why I want to start somewhere new (Canada or america) is that I was there before and enjoy the lifestyle and also there are big Irish communities so I would still feel at home in a way.
Just on your last point I feel that emotional baggage that I would bring with me would be minimal really. I got the help I needed from a very good counsellor and my feelings are that...right it has been a **** couple of years but I got out of it and iv put myself through college to get a degree and just move on.

Just something I have noticed recently. While going through my depression while... I suppose it was in its early stages.. I would still go out and have a good time drink, pulling woman, going to nightclub ect but when my depression hit its lowest point, I stopped going out completely for about a year. I started going out again after that but as much as I wanted to enjoy it I just cannot seem to. I just think my perspective and the way I think while im out now has changed. Its hard to explain but I just feel tired of it in a way. I dont know is it that am I expecting too much to happen at once or am I sad in a way at how much I have missed out on?

looksee

Bogman, one thing you need to think about is that your changed attitude is not necessarily all do do with depression or recovering from it. You are older, your ideas, attitudes and thinking are changing, and I can tell you from the far distance that they will continue to change. You should be more worried if they did not. Be aware of those changes and go with them rather than fighting them or feeling worried.

Look to the future and intend to enjoy your life. Don't expect to find the same feelings of freedom and wild enjoyment (and dark depression) that you may have had in your teens, hormones settle down and different things become significant!