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what does he want

  • 15-02-2013 7:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    Me and my boyfriend split up at the start of January after a great two years together. He cheated on me (drunken kiss), told me and broke up with me the following morning.

    Since then i had no contact with him until last week...he wants to get back together! i told him i needed time to get over what hapened and wasnt sure....then after a week of not hearing from him contacted to say that i needed time but not to be ignored altogether...he said he was giving me time BUT since I havent heard from him. why did he bother getting back in touch?


Comments

  • #2
    Brego888
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,321 ✭✭✭Brego888


    This is simple. You are both looking at it differently.

    He thinks - ok, i made the first move, ill leave her to think, the ball is in her court, she'll contact when she wants.

    You think - ok, he wants to get back together but he's going to need to make a bit more effort than this. He was in the wrong and needs to be trying harder to repair it.

    Basically he needs to pull the finger out but might not understand this.
    Talk to him if you see any point/future


  • #3
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    sandra200 wrote: »
    Hi,

    Me and my boyfriend split up at the start of January after a great two years together. He cheated on me (drunken kiss), told me and broke up with me the following morning.

    Since then i had no contact with him until last week...he wants to get back together! i told him i needed time to get over what hapened and wasnt sure....then after a week of not hearing from him contacted to say that i needed time but not to be ignored altogether...he said he was giving me time BUT since I havent heard from him. why did he bother getting back in touch?
    He's not ignoring you. You asked for time and he's giving you that. Anything else would be disrespectful.

    You're just not saying what you mean... What do you mean? Do you want him to approach you gradually for a new relationship, rather than jumping back into your old one? Or do you want some form of penance because you haven't forgiven him? If you don't think you can trust him or resent him still than you're best off not bothering - or waiting until you feel differently (which is what you actually expressed to him). It's definitely a bad idea to play some punitive power game.

    He's demonstrating respect and courtesy so he's likely to respond well to the idea of a new beginning. He also seems straightforward, and likely to be annoyed and repelled if it's about playing games. He also seems happy to wait for you to feel ok about seeing him, if that's what you want to do. (That in itself is a punishment, but a natural one that doesn't involve games.)


  • #4
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    Sadly, guys aren't mind readers. You asked him for time and he gave you just that. He probably thought that if made any further contact you'd feel like he was badgering you of putting you under pressure. Perhaps you should make the next move if you want to talk to him more before making a decision.


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