Joint Custody Questions

hannahmum

Hi All,

Couple of questions regarding a recently separated married couple with 2 small kids.

Firstly- does joint custody mean 50/50 split of childcare & time with the kids? My ex seems reluctant to step up to the plate & take responsibility for more than a couple days/nights every 2 weeks. No different to when we were together TBH. I had hoped that now he has a new home, he would take the kids 50% of the time. I work full time and I am quite stressed with the break up etc (long story he had an affair). Up till now he was staying in a rented room in a shared house, so all his visits/childcare were in the 'family' home where I have remained with children. Now he has a new home, bought for him by his mum. So no mortgage, perhaps just small notional rent. Anyway, now he has somewhere to take the kids, I was assuming joint custody = maybe 6 or 7 overnights per fortnight. Is this the norm for joint custody? We have yet to formalise any arrangement or plan, as until he had a new home, it was all a bit difficult.

Secondly- what are the financial implications of joint custody? I have read a bit and I understand that childcare (creche etc) and expenses such as clothes, books, doctors, shoes etc would be split 50/50. But what about living expenses? I by no means waht to profit from this break up, but I am stuck in a house that we own jointly, in huge negative equity and with a large mortgage. He has a new home with little or no rental. Obviously I expect electricity etc to be seperate responsibility of kids are with him 50% of the time. But I cant afford half of the creche fees and also the whole, large mortgage. Which means the decision to have joint custody or sole custody with him just having access could be a decision made based on finances rather than whats best for the kids?? Is this right- or if the kids are spending 50% in each home, can we take the costs of the 2 homes & share 50/50?

When we first separated, we looked at mortgage, his rent, creche fees, elec & bills, food & other costs for the kids. We added both our incomes, took away the above list of expenses, and split the remainder 40% me 60% him- because I was staying in the marital home so supposedly this was deemed fair. At the time I was a mess so I agreed. Now I have revised down the money he gives cause we had overestimated slightly. And rent is also out of the equation for him. So he is far, far better off each month then I am.

So- any advice on the finances or logistics of this would be appreciated. Just to say- I love my kids to bits. I wish I had the energy & time to spend all day every day with them. But- I have to work in order to keep a roof over our heads. And I want them to have 2 loving homes, not just a part time dad. And- call me selfish- but I also need some time to myself to sleep, destress & perhaps someday move on & have a life, like my husband has already done (already on girlfriend number 2). And I also think that the responsibility for children is best shared- equally- between 2 parents where possible (if both parents work, stay at home mums or dads are a different story). Just in case anyone is about to critiscise me for not wanting to spend time with my kids.

January

I think yourself and your husband might benefit from mediation or legal advice of some sort. Seeking legal advice would be the best thing to do here.