ex with someone new.

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I posted here a while back about a someone I was seeing that didn't work out. Well the day has come and they are going out with someone new now. Admittedly at first I was upset as I had held on to the fact that it might work out (made every stupid breakup mistake possible if i'm honest, except drunken texting ). Contact really just stopped between us, no reason for it breaking up, but they were the first person I've ever properly dated and was willing to commit too (not too sound too marriagey). The thing is now a couple hours after finding out I seem to be ok with it, obviously not delighted but not particularly upset, just meh. In a way I have found it to be some kind of a relief that I now know where I stand, and that the grey area between the two of us is finally clear with me finally knowing it ain't gonna happen! for the best really. I suppose what I'm really wondering is, is this just an initial feeling or have I reached the point now that they reached a while back where I'm finally o.k. with us not working out and that I obviously should be happy about feeling like this?

Maybe I have found that elusive thing so often refereed to here as closure...

Feel free to move this to another forum if needs must be and apologies for pissing you off, if this does breach the forum's rules!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the help in my previous post btw, you guys are great!!!!

Abi

confused83 wrote: »

Hey guys,

I posted here a while back about a someone I was seeing that didn't work out. Well the day has come and they are going out with someone new now. Admittedly at first I was upset as I had held on to the fact that it might work out (made every stupid breakup mistake possible if i'm honest, except drunken texting ). Contact really just stopped between us, no reason for it breaking up, but they were the first person I've ever properly dated and was willing to commit too (not too sound too marriagey). The thing is now a couple hours after finding out I seem to be ok with it, obviously not delighted but not particularly upset, just meh. In a way I have found it to be some kind of a relief that I now know where I stand, and that the grey area between the two of us is finally clear with me finally knowing it ain't gonna happen! for the best really. I suppose what I'm really wondering is, is this just an initial feeling or have I reached the point now that they reached a while back where I'm finally o.k. with us not working out and that I obviously should be happy about feeling like this?

Maybe I have found that elusive thing so often refereed to here as closure...

Feel free to move this to another forum if needs must be and apologies for pissing you off, if this does breach the forum's rules!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the help in my previous post btw, you guys are great!!!!

I think your post was more for the need to air your thoughts than the need for advice.

Did you not officially break up, or did you just more or less stop contact? It's a little bit confusing. A couple ending a relationship need to be clear it's over, and move on from there. It seems you were hoping that the relationship would rekindle, and that is why you felt upset.

Now that he has someone new you will have to use this as closure and move on.

I think it's very important that everyone is completely honest about their feelings when considering ending a relationship. It may be the very discussion that could change your path, be that together or not.

LegacyUser

Op here

Tbh there was a lot of incidents between us and a number of arguments, to much effort to get into. Could never figure out what the girl wanted really, hot one moment cold the next, ended with me just refusing to chase her anymore as i felt personally I was being led on a bit despite the assurances from friends that she was just a bit aloof, unfortunately following this some bad blood emerged between us, which subsided a bit when she started contacting me again recently but the fact that I don't particularly want to be just mates or if i'm honest pursue said person in any regard again has led to shockingly :P another fall out.

As I said originally the general relief that the whole chapter seems to have reached a close is a pretty relieving feeling if I'm honest, can finally now picture the idea of going out with different people rather than comparing every girl I have met/date/shifted to her, clutching to the false hope we might work out. Just baffles me that the great fear I had of them meeting someone else has ironically helped me move on and feel generally happier.

jantheman91

Realising that you're not missing out on anything when you see them with someone else is a huge step. If i seen my ex holding hands with someone tomorrow it wouldn't bother me. You come to realise that in time this person isn't who you thought they were, the relationship really wasn't worth it, and that you deserve better.

You're nearly there. Keep up what you're doing. This person will be nothing more than a randomer in another few weeks.


PS: I done all i could to get my ex back but she betrayed me. I've come to the stage where i don't give a **** about her even if i have to see her everyday in college. The person i loved is gone, and the one i'm seeing now is not someone i want to associate with. Live and learn man. Live and learn.

LegacyUser

I've realized over the last few days since posting this that yes I am 90% o.k. with this. A little part of me still wonders what could have been with her, but it's important that that is now a past tense statement. Unfortunately this stuff happened at a very bad time for me, with my college thesis looming over me all the time when all the things with her were going on, but Hey when is it a good time!!! Anyway I firmly believe when I'm done this thesis, and can get out and freely enjoy myself again that the 10% of disappointment the creeps up sometimes will eventually be whittled away.

As Jantheman91 said 'live and learn man, live and learn' and that's what I feel. This experience changed me, but I can feel my old sense of humour and eagerness for the craic coming back, and that's all I've ever wanted the last few months.

jantheman91

confused89 wrote: »

I've realized over the last few days since posting this that yes I am 90% o.k. with this. A little part of me still wonders what could have been with her, but it's important that that is now a past tense statement. Unfortunately this stuff happened at a very bad time for me, with my college thesis looming over me all the time when all the things with her were going on, but Hey when is it a good time!!! Anyway I firmly believe when I'm done this thesis, and can get out and freely enjoy myself again that the 10% of disappointment the creeps up sometimes will eventually be whittled away.

As Jantheman91 said 'live and learn man, live and learn' and that's what I feel. This experience changed me, but I can feel my old sense of humour and eagerness for the craic coming back, and that's all I've ever wanted the last few months.

That's the spirit. What happened me changed my views too. I don't have the same outlook of women as i did before. It's all part of growing up. It'll pass.