Sleeping around

CheekyChappy

Hey, I'm a gay 20 year old guy and I'm just wondering about something.

I see that a lot of guys love to sleep around, it seems that the majority of them are always looking for hook ups. I hate hook ups, I've done them in the past and I just don't want to anymore.

I prefer to have sex with a person that I'm in love with and in a relationship with, I think I'd like to live my life this way and only have sex with guys I'm in a relationship with. Does that make me weird and sad?

baztard

CheekyChappy wrote: »

Hey, I'm a gay 20 year old guy and I'm just wondering about something.

I see that a lot of guys love to sleep around, it seems that the majority of them are always looking for hook ups. I hate hook ups, I've done them in the past and I just don't want to anymore.

I prefer to have sex with a person that I'm in love with and in a relationship with, I think I'd like to live my life this way and only have sex with guys I'm in a relationship with. Does that make me weird and sad?

Some people only like NSA, some people only like sex within a relationship. I think most people swing between both extremeties at different times in their lives. I don't think you're weird or sad. I don't think someone who's into NSA is weird or sad either. Each to their own!

Walker77

CheekyChappy wrote: »

Hey, I'm a gay 20 year old guy and I'm just wondering about something.

I see that a lot of guys love to sleep around, it seems that the majority of them are always looking for hook ups. I hate hook ups, I've done them in the past and I just don't want to anymore.

I prefer to have sex with a person that I'm in love with and in a relationship with, I think I'd like to live my life this way and only have sex with guys I'm in a relationship with. Does that make me weird and sad?

Same here and been with same guy has alot of benefits. Having someone to come home to and being there for you outweights the alternative.

Annasopra

CheekyChappy wrote: »

Hey, I'm a gay 20 year old guy and I'm just wondering about something.

I see that a lot of guys love to sleep around, it seems that the majority of them are always looking for hook ups. I hate hook ups, I've done them in the past and I just don't want to anymore.

I prefer to have sex with a person that I'm in love with and in a relationship with, I think I'd like to live my life this way and only have sex with guys I'm in a relationship with. Does that make me weird and sad?

I dunno - I don't really believe generalisations like the majority of gay guys constantly sleep around

CheekyChappy

Thank god I'm not alone

ewan whose army

I hate hookups , I just find meaningless sex is well not me.

I guess I am just the romantic kind, Don't get me wrong, sex is awesome but I hate for it to be the only thing in a relationship

Tainor

CheekyChappy wrote: »

Hey, I'm a gay 20 year old guy and I'm just wondering about something.

I see that a lot of guys love to sleep around, it seems that the majority of them are always looking for hook ups. I hate hook ups, I've done them in the past and I just don't want to anymore.

I prefer to have sex with a person that I'm in love with and in a relationship with, I think I'd like to live my life this way and only have sex with guys I'm in a relationship with. Does that make me weird and sad?

Welcome to the minority list!

You are not a weird one by far! Just because a larger part of the gay scene has decided to embrace a way of sexual expression that is at odds with your decision. Horses for courses!

Albeit, in times you can be made to feel like the odd one for not wanting NSA's/Hook ups from some gay people, but don't let yourself feel the weird/sad one for not engaging in such situations!

But you should no give up hope, there are guys out there who are also looking for relationship/ getting to know a person, rather than bang the bejazus out of them and ask for names later

bitburger

add me to that list

CheekyChappy

Tainor wrote: »

Welcome to the minority list!

You are not a weird one by far! Just because a larger part of the gay scene has decided to embrace a way of sexual expression that is at odds with your decision. Horses for courses!

Albeit, in times you can be made to feel like the odd one for not wanting NSA's/Hook ups from some gay people, but don't let yourself feel the weird/sad one for not engaging in such situations!

But you should no give up hope, there are guys out there who are also looking for relationship/ getting to know a person, rather than bang the bejazus out of them and ask for names later

That's good to hear because sometimes it does feel like I'm the only one that wants a relationship

ewan whose army

CheekyChappy wrote: »

That's good to hear because sometimes it does feel like I'm the only one that wants a relationship

I feel that way as well, I want a relationship as well. There is more to life than just sleeping around. I kinda want someone to chill around with, and share my experiences with them

wonderfulname

Maybe it's just the company I keep, and the time I spend on this forum, but it seems to me a hell of a lot of young gay guys are privately hoping for 'something more' and strangely assuming they are next to alone in that. I come across it a ridiculous amount.

jaffacakesyum

All the gay guys I know in real life aren't into relationships and do sleep around a lot. And the gay guys I don't know but see on the scene I get the impression they're not there looking for a boyfriend either :P

But since my time posting on here there has consistently been a lot of male posters saying they're not the one night stand type. So there clearly are a lot of guys out there looking for relationships. So keep looking folks I know it's frustrating.

CheekyChappy

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

All the gay guys I know in real life aren't into relationships and do sleep around a lot. And the gay guys I don't know but see on the scene I get the impression they're not there looking for a boyfriend either :P

But since my time posting on here there has consistently been a lot of male posters saying they're not the one night stand type. So there clearly are a lot of guys out there looking for relationships. So keep looking folks I know it's frustrating.

Maybe when guys are single they enjoy hook ups but are also looking for relationships. Another thing i wonder is if guys can be faithful that's what I'm really after.

jaffacakesyum

CheekyChappy wrote: »

Maybe when guys are single they enjoy hook ups but are also looking for relationships. Another thing i wonder is if guys can be faithful that's what I'm really after.

I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. "Can guys be faithful" Of course they bloody can!! :P You can't generalise such a huge section of people based on a few cases of cheating or hear say or media!

Have you tried online dating? Just make it very clear on your profile you're not interested in one night stands!

CheekyChappy

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. "Can guys be faithful" Of course they bloody can!! :P You can't generalise such a huge section of people based on a few cases of cheating or hear say or media!

Have you tried online dating? Just make it very clear on your profile you're not interested in one night stands!

I know it sounds stupid, as I said above it seems like guys only want NSA and then sometimes that makes me think, well maybe if they were in a relationship they wouldn't be faithful, thats all

1ZRed

CheekyChappy wrote: »

I know it sounds stupid, as I said above it seems like guys only want NSA and then sometimes that makes me think, well maybe if they were in a relationship they wouldn't be faithful, thats all

I like NSA and just messing around and having the laugh. I'm in a relationship now and I wouldn't be unfaithful because I don't want to fuck over my mate.

Just because some guys like NSA doesn't mean they're not going to settle eventually and end up being unable to be faithful. Being into NSA hook ups doesn't take away from your decency in regards to how to treat and value your partner in relationships either and make you more prone to cheat.

I just think that's an ill-thought-out and kind of narrow-minded observation.

floggg

CheekyChappy wrote: »

Maybe when guys are single they enjoy hook ups but are also looking for relationships. Another thing i wonder is if guys can be faithful that's what I'm really after.

No, of course we can't. And we don't want relationships, only meaningless sex. The less meaning the better.

All of us. Because all of us are the same. And I mean ALL of us.

Except you. You are the only person who wants things like relationships and monogamy. Nobody else in the world could possibly want the same things as you.

You are a gay unicorn.

Congratulations, you're doomed to die alone. *





*Warning: this post may contain traces of sarcasm.

1ZRed

Were unicorns not always gay?

Annasopra

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

All the gay guys I know in real life aren't into relationships and do sleep around a lot. And the gay guys I don't know but see on the scene I get the impression they're not there looking for a boyfriend either :P

But since my time posting on here there has consistently been a lot of male posters saying they're not the one night stand type. So there clearly are a lot of guys out there looking for relationships. So keep looking folks I know it's frustrating.

Perhaps people who want monogamous relationships don't go out on the scene that much

12gauge dave

I have two gay friends that i grew up with since kids and once they hit 18 or so they went to college and really embraced the gay community/social life in dublin and to be honest only hang around with gay guys now and have admitted to me they sleep around alot and said its the way the gay culture is in dublin when out and about?

Is it peer pressure within the gay community to sleep around?

1ZRed

mango salsa wrote: »

Perhaps people who want monogamous relationships don't go out on the scene that much

No, that's not it. There are plenty of lads out who would be open to a relationship and go out and enjoy themselves. That can lead to just a hook up or that hook up can lead to something more substantial. It all depends really.

It's not just an exclusively gay thing. A large majority of my straight mates would out with the intension of pulling and getting the ride. Getting a girlfriend isn't the intension but along the line it just happens.

It's the same thing with many gay men. It's actually just a guy thing in general.

I think way too much overthinking goes on here in this forum. It's best to go at things with an open mind, to enjoy yourself and see what happens.

In my experience, things that were intended to be NSA lead to us becoming mates and having the laugh because we got on well, so you can't just shoot down the idea altogether just because they're more inclined to be once offs, because you never know. Both of you could actually fit well together.

I think that's an issue for so many gay guys, they have these set notions in their heads about some things that ultimately makes everything more complicated instead of keeping an open mind and just going with what feels good.

Annasopra

1ZRed wrote: »

No, that's not it. There are plenty of lads out who would be open to a relationship and go out and enjoy themselves. That can lead to just a hook up or that hook up can lead to something more substantial. It all depends really.

I thought that you never went on the scene. How do you know what the scene is or isn't like?

1ZRed

mango salsa wrote: »

I thought that you never went on the scene. How do you know what the scene is or isn't like?

Yeah because I haven't met a load of gay guys out to form an observation for myself. Forgot I had to go exclusively to gay clubs to learn that

CheekyChappy

floggg wrote: »

No, of course we can't. And we don't want relationships, only meaningless sex. The less meaning the better.

All of us. Because all of us are the same. And I mean ALL of us.

Except you. You are the only person who wants things like relationships and monogamy. Nobody else in the world could possibly want the same things as you.


Congratulations, you're doomed to die alone. *

*Warning: this post may contain traces of sarcasm.

Yeah and it seems like you may contain traces of dickhead...twat!

Annasopra

1ZRed wrote: »

Yeah because I haven't met a load of gay guys out to form an observation for myself. Forgot I had to go exclusively to gay clubs to learn that

Oh I know you've met loads of gay guys. I just thought that your perspective seemed very definite and certain and wondered how it could be so definite and certain. I mean I do think that SOME people who want monogamous relationships don't go out on the scene that much. Yet you just completely dismissed that idea and I was wondering how you jumped to those conclusions.

Tainor

floggg wrote: »

No, of course we can't. And we don't want relationships, only meaningless sex. The less meaning the better.

All of us. Because all of us are the same. And I mean ALL of us.

Except you. You are the only person who wants things like relationships and monogamy. Nobody else in the world could possibly want the same things as you.

You are a gay unicorn.

Congratulations, you're doomed to die alone. *


*Warning: this post may contain traces of sarcasm.

Floggg can you please contain your excitement, sarcasm to this point can be counter =/= productive to the point of the thread. You could have chosen your words wiser.

The guy has made a valid point by viewing his observation on the gay scene, my perspective is close to his as well. Just because someone has an opposite view to your own that does not give you the right to have an outburst.

Last time I checked this was a contributive forum, where free discussion and opinions are welcomed. Moderators are more than welcome to provide further advice if this is not the case.

Needless to say I do not go on and spit random sarcastic remarks about how people will spent the rest of their lives, in view of my observations and feeling for the gay scene.

Again I will say to the OP, just because someone has a different idea of why you should not accept NSA/Hook ups, that does not make you the odd one/weird. It is simply a matter of choice and opinion on how to LIVE YOUR LIVE!

I love unicorns! All fluffy and nice!

kingfisherdove

It's cool your satisfied with a life of emptiness and riskiness and having the laugh and whatever lol. But some of us want more Some of you COUGH FLOGGG* are seeing things very one dimensionally; you need 3D, there's more to life and love than sex!

Annasopra

kingfisherdove wrote: »

It's cool your satisfied with a life of emptiness and riskiness and having the laugh and whatever lol. But some of us want more Some of you COUGH FLOGGG* are seeing things very one dimensionally; you need 3D, there's more to life and love than sex!

I read what floggg said. I'm really really really mystified how you think his views are one dimensional

kingfisherdove

Really really really? I think there have been people here who were more deservant of your comments than myself. I reckon a double read-over the thread might bring an enlightment

Tainor

mango salsa wrote: »

I read what floggg said. I'm really really really mystified how you think his views are one dimensional

In fairness Floggg was being sarcastic, but that does not mean his words did not carry the vibe that he was more in approval about NSA as discussed in the thread.

No one is saying that NSA is right or wrong, as per my prior post, but throwing sarcastic punches by saying that only person seeks relationship and that this person is the only one capable of sustaining one. It shows an opinion which hints that if someone seeks a relationship it seems not natural because everyone simply would prefer to engage in NSA, and this is not the case as it was already mentioned by a number of posters on the thread.

So it can be said that his view on the gay scene and life are pretty one-dimensional.

1ZRed

Tainor wrote: »

Floggg can you please contain your excitement, sarcasm to this point can be counter =/= productive to the point of the thread. You could have chosen your words wiser.

The guy has made a valid point by viewing his observation on the gay scene, my perspective is close to his as well. Just because someone has an opposite view to your own that does not give you the right to have an outburst.

Last time I checked this was a contributive forum, where free discussion and opinions are welcomed. Moderators are more than welcome to provide further advice if this is not the case.

Needless to say I do not go on and spit random sarcastic remarks about how people will spent the rest of their lives, in view of my observations and feeling for the gay scene.

Again I will say to the OP, just because someone has a different idea of why you should not accept NSA/Hook ups, that does not make you the odd one/weird. It is simply a matter of choice and opinion on how to LIVE YOUR LIVE!

I love unicorns! All fluffy and nice!

I think the sarcasm came about because there were so many of these threads over the last few months, all the same, all "woe is me, all guys are just looking for the ride and nothing more. I doubt gay guys could ever be faithful".

All these lads were the same, with the same outlook on things, and ultimately, the problem of not being able to find someone. It wasn't a coincidence I think.

To be fair, this thread isn't as bad as those ones were, but there's still a heap of generalising going on. The conclusion of those threads was to take a step back and look at themselves once in a while to see if or what they might be doing wrong.

For all the talk of gay guys just wanting NSA, fair enough they're are, but that's normal for most gay and straight guys of a young age, there are also many guys who would like a bf too, often amongst them.

Very few guys will end up playing around forever as it's in our nature to want to pair up eventually, you just have to relax and enjoy the meantime between now and finding a boyfriend. They are out there and I've met a heap of them.

kingfisherdove wrote: »

It's cool your satisfied with a life of emptiness and riskiness and having the laugh and whatever lol. But some of us want more Some of you COUGH FLOGGG* are seeing things very one dimensionally; you need 3D, there's more to life and love than sex!

And what's with the condescending tone? Do you feel superior for wanting something "more"?

There's nothing at all wrong with wanting a relationship, but there's also nothing at all wrong with wanting hook ups either, each to their own and you shouldn't be passing such judgment.

Annasopra

Tainor wrote: »

In fairness Floggg was being sarcastic, but that does not mean his words did not carry the vibe that he was more in approval about NSA as discussed in the thread.

No one is saying that NSA is right or wrong, as per my prior post, but throwing sarcastic punches by saying that only person seeks relationship and that this person is the only one capable of sustaining one. It shows an opinion which hints that if someone seeks a relationship it seems not natural because everyone simply would prefer to engage in NSA, and this is not the case as it was already mentioned by a number of posters on the thread.

So it can be said that his view on the gay scene and life are pretty one-dimensional.

I understood Floggs post completely differently

I didn't pick up any vibe about whether he approved of nsa or not

I didn't pick up any hints about unnaturalness

What I understood was: through sarcasm he was questioning use of generalisations about gay men and pointing out that of course there are gay men who want relationships and monogamy.

To me Flogggs views are the complete opposite of one dimensional. He is recognising the diversity of what people want ie - some people want nsa, some people want relationships and generalising is silly.

kingfisherdove

Love is undefined I guess LOL. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here so I'm giving up

stephen_n

OP your 20 years old most guys your age Gay, Straight or Bi are going to be fairly sexually charged. It's not a gay thing it's a human thing. Monogomy is a social construct not a human one and where and when those two concepts merge is different for all of us. As you get older the balance of those looking for commitment will start to shift, this happens regardless of sexual orientation. Some may never reach this point, some will struggle to manage it, even when they do. You are not alone by any means but you are among a group in your age bracket that have got there earlier.

My advise to you is simple, stick to your truth, your understanding of yourself and trust that you will meet someone who shares it.

floggg

1ZRed wrote: »

Were unicorns not always gay?

That would explain how they died out alright...

floggg

Seems mango is the only one what any analytical ability here.

No, I wasn't saying anything in favour of NSA. As Mango said, I was directing my ire at your assumption that gay men, and by implication therefore me and any other gay man I know, is an empty vacuous vessel only concerned with one night stands and incapable of monogamy.

Personally, I find those lazy generalisations offensive. Particularly as more often than not they will come from people who by their own admission have limited experience in the gay community, outside of online or drunken trips to a gay bar on a Saturday night. If they engaged a bit more they'd see that like any community or scene, there's a diversity of attitudes and mindsets.

It's just as stupid as when straight people make lazy generalisations about us all being flamboyant cliches.

I also find it equally offensive that people don't apply the same standards or criticism to gay and straight men. They complain that gay men are whores because most drunk men in the George on a Saturday night is out on the pull, yet it never enters their head to wonder what most drunk men in coppers on a Saturday night are after.

I don't see much different in the attitude of my straight friends - at least up to their late 20s - then the attitude gay men are criticised for.

As 1ZRed said, most times people don't look for relationships, they just happen. Most straight guys stumble into them. The notion of it taking the right woman to settle a man down exists for a reason.


But of course, I'm the one with the one dimensional view, because I don't make or rely upon lazy generalisations, and because I don't expect things to just happen for me, instead of getting out and living life and making things happen.

Anyway, back to my life of emptiness and riskiness and whatever. I'm late to meet my boyfriend and we have a busy day of monogamy ahead of us.

Nice work on the assumptions there guys.

kingfisherdove

Guys this is straying away into something it shouldn't. We should get back to the operators original question and Stephen_n completely agree with you, that's constructive advice and a balanced view

1ZRed

kingfisherdove wrote: »

Guys this is straying away into something it shouldn't. We should get back to the operators original question and Stephen_n completely agree with you, that's constructive advice and a balanced view

In fairness this post is all that was needed as it summed it up perfectly, and it being the very first post as well!

baztard wrote: »

Some people only like NSA, some people only like sex within a relationship. I think most people swing between both extremeties at different times in their lives. I don't think you're weird or sad. I don't think someone who's into NSA is weird or sad either. Each to their own!

And I'll add to that what you should already be noticing by now that there are many, many young gay men out there who would like a relationship, but like so many of the straight people you know, it just happens.

Most likely those lads are just looking for the ride like any young guy, gay or straight, and it just happens naturally that they fall into a relationship. Happened to me and it happened to many of my straight mates.

So you're in no way near a minority, ye just think ye are for some strange reason. Maybe because nobody you meet is ever going to say "yeah, I'd love a bf. Not into NSA." Fair enough on the latter, but how off putting is the former to hear straight away?

There's been about 3 or 4 guys here that've said they're more relationship types, just in this small forum alone. I think it's safe to say there are many looking for the same out there IRL too.

ninty9er

Do guys only want NSA? Most likely not.
Do guys want to have sex? Most likely.

Just because people want to have sex doesn't mean that's all they want. Add that to my straight housemate having more one night stands by far than I've ever had, its NOT a gay thing by any means.

Annasopra

floggg wrote: »

Seems mango is the only one with analytical ability here

To be honest I was really surprised at how others interpreted your post.

CheekyChappy

stephen_n wrote: »

OP your 20 years old most guys your age Gay, Straight or Bi are going to be fairly sexually charged. It's not a gay thing it's a human thing. Monogomy is a social construct not a human one and where and when those two concepts merge is different for all of us. As you get older the balance of those looking for commitment will start to shift, this happens regardless of sexual orientation. Some may never reach this point, some will struggle to manage it, even when they do. You are not alone by any means but you are among a group in your age bracket that have got there earlier.

My advise to you is simple, stick to your truth, your understanding of yourself and trust that you will meet someone who shares it.

Thank you this is the kind of response I was looking for

morgmorg

CheekyChappy wrote: »

Hey, I'm a gay 20 year old guy and I'm just wondering about something.

I see that a lot of guys love to sleep around, it seems that the majority of them are always looking for hook ups. I hate hook ups, I've done them in the past and I just don't want to anymore.

I prefer to have sex with a person that I'm in love with and in a relationship with, I think I'd like to live my life this way and only have sex with guys I'm in a relationship with. Does that make me weird and sad?

Personally, I don't like to sleep around with a lot of guys or do hookups, but I don't frown upon it at all either. I'd much rather be the way I am than regret anything I would have done, it's definitely courses for horses.

And how on earth does that make you "weird and sad"? :-p

ashers22

I'd gladly give my right arm for some nsa over a relationship. I get this is a guy only thread but the premise is the same. I don't think I'll ever be a relationship kind of person but that's not to say I'm incapable of loving anybody, relationships are hard work, complicated and a bit over rated ime. I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel the same way. As long as everyone involved knows the score no one gets hurt then where's the problem? Sometimes I just don't want to give a fùck ya know?

floggg

mango salsa wrote: »

To be honest I was really surprised at how others interpreted your post.

People see what they want to see.

For some reason it seems a lot of people would rather have their beliefs that they are an unfortunate victim of the cosmos confirmed, rather than learn that they might have to challenge themselves and put themselves out their in order to get what they want out of life.

I'm not saying its the case with the OP here, but how often have people came on here complaining they can't find love, only to say they aren't interested in pursuing any of the alternative routes to their own safe and comfortable routes which we might suggest to them.

kingfisherdove

There are no victims here! The bottom line is this! There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women, perhaps living in rural areas of Ireland where it's not as easy to access gay societies etc or just difficult backgrounds. Gay societies and affliliates are generally an urban thing. You should not discourage people from posting here how they feel no matter how many of similar posts there are, even if they irritate you. The reason people are posting here about this is because it's something they're concerned about and need advice with. And you never know how someone else is feeling so just have consideration. While you may not need support or advice on this anymore some of us definitely do, so please have some respect for that.

paulmorro

Part of what Floggg replied to was "Another thing i wonder is if guys can be faithful". I don't think its a bad thing at all to knock heavily on the head. It's like people think we're a special species who have to sleep around. It's a hell of a lot rarer that you here people wondering if straight guys as a group are incapable of monogamy. People, gay or straight, who continually spout that (for me, negative) stereotype should be set straight and sarcasm is as good a way as any to do it. I mean do you not see how ludicrous it sounds. "I want a faithful relationship but there's not a single other person out there capable of thinking on the same lines. "

Annasopra

kingfisherdove wrote: »

There are no victims here! The bottom line is this! There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women, perhaps living in rural areas of Ireland where it's not as easy to access gay societies etc or just difficult backgrounds. Gay societies and affliliates are generally an urban thing. You should not discourage people from posting here how they feel no matter how many of similar posts there are, even if they irritate you. The reason people are posting here about this is because it's something they're concerned about and need advice with. And you never know how someone else is feeling so just have consideration. While you may not need support or advice on this anymore some of us definitely do, so please have some respect for that.

I do not think that anyone here is deliberately trying to discourage any other posters.

The thing is that Flogggs post was aimed at ridiculing some of the generalisations. It wasn't in my opinion an attack on anyone and it wasn't telling anyone they shouldn't post here.

I think some of what you say above is true but perhaps somewhat overtly negative and feeling sorry for yourself

I mean you say

There are no victims here!

and then

There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women, perhaps living in rural areas of Ireland where it's not as easy to access gay societies etc or just difficult backgrounds. Gay societies and affliliates are generally an urban thing.


To me the second part of that sounds like a kind of internal victimising and feeling sorry for yourself.

A lot of it is true but it doesn't have to be that way. You could change things. You can work with others to change things. I mean I read that and felt that you were resigning yourself in despair and wallowing in self pity. Sorry if that sounds harsh and I'm not trying to attack you but I don't believe that we should always accept that rural gay people should be isolated and lonely and that clubs/societies should always only be based in Dublin.

kingfisherdove

But Mango facts are facts and statistics are statistics. Like are u saying I have to move to Dublin to change my life and get out of this wallowing you speak of, or what exactly do u mean? Societies down here are barely existent and the ones I've been linked to before don't even run anymore so like that's the fact of it

There is not internal self victimisation. When I was refering to " There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women, perhaps living in rural areas of Ireland where it's not as easy to access gay societies etc or just difficult backgrounds. Gay societies and affliliates are generally an urban thing." I was genuinely refering to gay guys/girls who are in the rural areas and have no access to gay society. It is simply a fact that is well established. From my own personal experience I have no issues with who am I and how my life is progressing. I was genuanly concerned for the OP and others like him who feel isolated to some extend whether by area or by decision in how to live their life and the limited support there is.

Annasopra

I'll answer that tomorrow as right now I'm tired and going to sleep

floggg

kingfisherdove wrote: »

There are no victims here! The bottom line is this! There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women, perhaps living in rural areas of Ireland where it's not as easy to access gay societies etc or just difficult backgrounds. Gay societies and affliliates are generally an urban thing. You should not discourage people from posting here how they feel no matter how many of similar posts there are, even if they irritate you. The reason people are posting here about this is because it's something they're concerned about and need advice with. And you never know how someone else is feeling so just have consideration. While you may not need support or advice on this anymore some of us definitely do, so please have some respect for that.

I'm not trying to discourage anybody from posting.

But as much as they have a right to post, I also have a right to reply when they post something I find offensive. And questioning whether any [gay?] man is capable of monagamy is offensive, because the implication is that I'm presumed to be some lustful clock monster incapable of being faithful.

I try to be helpful as I can, but I don't always feel like having defend myself or others I know from these generalisations.

Even if you we're coming from a good place, you don't think you'd get a warm response from an African American forum asking if all black men were lazy welfare recipients who liked chicken, do you?

Also, as said above, sometimes a strong or sarcastic response is needed to show how outlandish a statement might be. If the OP had applied some critical thinking, he would have quickly realised that if he is interested and capable of monogamy, the surely others must be as well.

There is no such thing as unicorns, gay or straight.

And as for people needing help or advice, I always try my best to give it and t be supportive. I know what it's like to be in that position all too well. I went through it myself not too long ago, and I took advice I received on lard and made an effort to make sure I got past that.

As best I can, I try to encourage others to do the same now.

That doesn't mean that I should allow lazy generalisations about myself and other people I know go unchecked.

kingfisherdove wrote: »

But Mango facts are facts and statistics are statistics. Like are u saying I have to move to Dublin to change my life and get out of this wallowing you speak of, or what exactly do u mean? Societies down here are barely existent and the ones I've been linked to before don't even run anymore so like that's the fact of it

There is not internal self victimisation. When I was refering to " There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women, perhaps living in rural areas of Ireland where it's not as easy to access gay societies etc or just difficult backgrounds. Gay societies and affliliates are generally an urban thing." I was genuinely refering to gay guys/girls who are in the rural areas and have no access to gay society. It is simply a fact that is well established. From my own personal experience I have no issues with who am I and how my life is progressing. I was genuanly concerned for the OP and others like him who feel isolated to some extend whether by area or by decision in how to live their life and the limited support there is.

Rural LGBT are in a more difficult position, and those difficulties are real, not perceived and not just some baseless generalisation. I recognise that and am sympathetic to any DIY going through a rough patch.

Still, there are things that can be done. Moving to Dublin or another large city is one of the main ones I would recommend. I realise that might not always be easy, but unless there are very good reasons, I don't think there's any reason to stay in a place that makes you unhappy.

Annasopra

kingfisherdove wrote: »

But Mango facts are facts and statistics are statistics. Like are u saying I have to move to Dublin to change my life and get out of this wallowing you speak of, or what exactly do u mean? Societies down here are barely existent and the ones I've been linked to before don't even run anymore so like that's the fact of it

There is not internal self victimisation. When I was refering to " There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women, perhaps living in rural areas of Ireland where it's not as easy to access gay societies etc or just difficult backgrounds. Gay societies and affliliates are generally an urban thing." I was genuinely refering to gay guys/girls who are in the rural areas and have no access to gay society. It is simply a fact that is well established. From my own personal experience I have no issues with who am I and how my life is progressing. I was genuanly concerned for the OP and others like him who feel isolated to some extend whether by area or by decision in how to live their life and the limited support there is.

Hi KFD

Firstly this discussion isn't really about rural isolation. So I think it's probably better if we maybe discuss this a little more and then try and bring it back on topic

I am not in any way suggesting that you have to move to Dublin. I was more suggesting that because there are not the facilities and services that you would like locally that maybe you could do something about it - I mean it's like this - there are as you say hundreds of lgbt people in your area isolated and it only takes one person to make an effort to try and change that (that person could be you). I'm not trying to be harsh or abrupt or rude but rural gay isolation can change but it won't if people just complain and do nothing about it. I personally don't accept "There are always gonna be young men, isolated men and women" because I believe that things can be changed. I accept that it is difficult. I don't accept it is impossible. I have seen some amazing groups growing out of nowhere in the last few years in Wexford, Kildare, Kerry, Mayo, Donegal, Wicklow.

Perhaps this discussion has become a bit too personally aimed at you and for that I apologise I am not in any way trying to attack or undermine or discourage or have a go at you.

Finally I think everyone here is genuinely concerned for the OP