Single and not having sex

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a guy in my mid 20's (24) and just seeking advice on an issue that's kind of started getting to me. Basically I was with a girl for 5 years and we broke up over a year ago. It took a while and I was initially hurt etc, but started to get over it. Only thing is I'm now single a year and still haven't had sex with another girl. I don't want to be a man slut or anything, and hope I don't come across that way, but I feel like at this stage I should be "playing the field" a bit, even though I dislike that expression. My idea of single lads my age is that they are out meeting new girls all the time in bars clubs etc and maybe having the odd one night stand yet I haven't done that in the time I've been single (in fact I've never done it). Or even if not one night stands then maybe by dating girls for a bit that they've met.

ibarelycare

What advice exactly are you looking for? There's absolutely nothing wrong with "playing the field", it doesn't make you a "slut". You're young and you want to have fun. Go for it.

Roisy7

Don't take everything other lads say at face value.

People rarely have as much sex as they say.

If you want to play the field, do so. Don't feel guilty over it. You were with your ex five years so it's understandable that you want to take a bit of time out from dating.

Time to go mobile

SexlessLad wrote: »

Hi, I'm a guy in my mid 20's (24) and just seeking advice on an issue that's kind of started getting to me. Basically I was with a girl for 5 years and we broke up over a year ago. It took a while and I was initially hurt etc, but started to get over it. Only thing is I'm now single a year and still haven't had sex with another girl. I don't want to be a man slut or anything, and hope I don't come across that way, but I feel like at this stage I should be "playing the field" a bit, even though I dislike that expression. My idea of single lads my age is that they are out meeting new girls all the time in bars clubs etc and maybe having the odd one night stand yet I haven't done that in the time I've been single (in fact I've never done it). Or even if not one night stands then maybe by dating girls for a bit that they've met.

Well how many women do you walk over to and talk to on a night out? You need to flirt with women and have fun, take the lead and be assertive.

dia squish

I have a friend in a very similar situation. Broke up with a long-term girlfriend a good while ago and it seems now he would like to play the field a bit but he just doesn't try. He talks about wanting to get with a girl when we go out but never actually approaches anyone. I can imagine it would be very difficult if you'd been in a long-term relationship for your early twenties but you have to start somewhere. Just think of it as a bit of fun and try not to be scared of rejection. If you approach a girl in a club you don't know, it doesn't really mean anything if she says no. You might as well try though.

Also try not to build up the no sex in a year thing too much. I've never been in a relationship anywhere near 5 years but I've gone a year without sex before. It's not a big deal as long as you don't make it a big deal.

Dating is fun but it also takes a bit of balls (from girls and guys!). You have to put yourself out there a bit and be ready for anything because you never know where it's going to go. Just try to not take it too seriously and have fun.

dannyc31

i always find this funny when i hear guys complaining about being single long term and not meeting any women and then when i watch these same guys they spend the whole time in a bar with their mates and not even once try chat up a woman. what the bloody hell do you expect is gonna happen in that case?

you might aswell except women do not chat up men 90% of the time so if you want to play the field as you put it and get lots of girls then you have to as they say "go solo" on a night out with your friends. just pick an opportunity during the night to approach a girl by yourself and start chatting to her. and i mean chatting to her not chatting her up, there is a difference. if you approach a girl with a ridiculous game plan in your head and start using cheesy one liners & look like you just want to get into her knickers you are gonna crash & burn. 9 times out of 10 just chatting to her like a normal person will work and if she fancies you then numbers can be exchanged after a good conversation. hey presto, a first date can be arranged. thats all there really is too it so if you want to start meeting girls then start by talking to them.

btw that idea you have of all this so called lads your age scoring women every night of the week is mostly bull****. most guys are full of it when it comes to this so i wouldnt be comparing yourself to this guys who talk the talk. unless you've seen them being a brilliant ladies man then just presume its bull. best of luck and start having some fun

judgefudge

I'm a girl your age and for a lot of girls it's a similar thing. Believe it or not not every person our age is out there getting laid every weekend, whether they want to or not.

For me I always found the opportunity comes up when I'm not really trying. I kind of reached a point though where if I saw a guy I fancied I'd just say something to him like hey how's it goin. Usually had Dutch courage to do that, but if you can have a laugh and chat to girls you fancy without really worrying if it'll go further you'll do well I'd say.

I know plenty of guys and girls in the same boat.

LegacyUser

dannyc31 wrote: »

i always find this funny when i hear guys complaining about being single long term and not meeting any women and then when i watch these same guys they spend the whole time in a bar with their mates and not even once try chat up a woman. what the bloody hell do you expect is gonna happen in that case?

I think this is my issue to be honest. I probably don't meet nearly as many women as I could because when I'm out I don't like to be so preoccupied with finding a girl that I forget about enjoying my night. I never approach women in nightclubs due to my attitude that if I approach a girl and she says no I'll probably not enjoy the night. So I tend to keep to my mates. It's hard to get out of that mindset.

homersimpson

SexlessLad wrote: »

I think this is my issue to be honest. I probably don't meet nearly as many women as I could because when I'm out I don't like to be so preoccupied with finding a girl that I forget about enjoying my night. I never approach women in nightclubs due to my attitude that if I approach a girl and she says no I'll probably not enjoy the night. So I tend to keep to my mates. It's hard to get out of that mindset.

If your out and you find the right woman you'll enjoy your night a lot more than you would standing at the bar with the lads