Moral Dilemma , Friends gf cheated do i tell

LegacyUser

ok im faced with a moral dilemma

for 3 years ive been close friends with this girl,
when we first became friends i was aware she had a boyfriend and that she cheated on him more than once,
I didnt know this guy and he lived in a diffrent town, so i didnt care what she did
it was none of my business to get involved in that
(and no i never got with her thats not where this is going).

Over time i got to know her boyfriend and eventually became good friends with him,
in the time i became friends with him i never heard of her cheating on him again
so i thought ok maybe shes learned her lesson and has decided not to screw up a good thing.

ive even lived with this couple they seemed great together , he would literly bend over backwards for her.
nicest guy ever. I just put her past down to some immature mistakes that shed moved on from.

Fastforward last week, a mutual friend almost caught her with another man,
he didnt see anything for definite but they way she was acting was very suspicious,
and they way she re told the story (v nervous full of inconsistencies) and her actions after i have no doubt its true.


he told the bf but she managed to convinced him the other guy had it wrong and he was lying ,
this guy is not liar or drama seeking type by any means.

So do i tell the bf i know for a fact shes cheated before ? and that i believe she has done the dirt.
while exposing me as keeping the truth from him this whole time.

I feel i must tell him, weather or not it was right ot wrong not to tell him when we just started hanging out i dont know,
now this man is my friend and i believe she has certianly cheated on him and fooled him into thinking otherwise.

it will be hard but and ill probly even lose the friendship i have with him , but for the sake of his long term happiness he needs to be rid of her.
how do i do this

P. Breathnach

I don't know what you should do, but offer a couple of observations for you to consider in making your decision:

• It looks to me as if your knowledge of her cheating in the past came from her. It might be right to treat that as confidential.
• You don't actually know if she cheated recently, although you are fairly sure that you have read the signs correctly. But it is still only a belief.

To my mind, that leaves you with very little to tell your friend.

What you can say to him, if the opportunity arises, is that you believe that the other person who told him of her behaviour is truthful and reliable.

Airitech

Say nothing, stay out of it. This is likely to get messy. These people are adults, they can handle their own business. Your intervention, no matter how well intentioned, will not go the way you think it will.

By all means be there for your friend if there is a break up but limit your involvement to that.

CaraMay

Is she not your friend too? There seems to be a lot if interfering in other people's lives going on here

Meauldsegosha

Maybe her boyfriend believed her because she was telling the truth. You have no evidence that she cheated this time, only hearsay. She was "almost caught with another man", what does that even mean?

How do you know tha the boyfriend doesn't already know that she cheated previously. It's their relationship you should stay out of it.

stargazer 68

Have to agree with the others OP -stay out of it. Nothing will be gained by telling him his gf cheated on him previously- he may already know! You have no proof she did anything this time - someone has already told him that she was up to no good and he didnt believe them so why would he believe you?

Beruthiel

Dilemma101 wrote: »

I feel i must tell him

My advice.
Stay out of other peoples relationships.

ViveLaVie

I never understand the blanket 'stay out of it' reactions. They're borne of self-preservation rather than a desire to do what's right imo. If I were going out with someone who cheated and my friends knew but never told me I'd feel betrayed and would have to consider whether they really were friends at all. If it were me op I'd tell him that you suspect there is some truth to it.

CaraMay

The cheater was the op's friend first now he is ratting on her to his new friend - her boyfriend.. I think he should be talking to the cheat and encouraging her to come clean.

stargazer 68

ViveLaVie wrote: »

If I were going out with someone who cheated and my friends knew but never told me I'd feel betrayed and would have to consider whether they really were friends at all. If it were me op I'd tell him that you suspect there is some truth to it.

Yes you are right I would want to know too however - you are so in love with this person that they can do no wrong. They tell you that its nonsense and this 'do gooder' is only trying to cause trouble for you both as they are 'jealous' or whatever. Who are you going to believe??

Believe me I have been there.

Holsten

100% tell him.

What guy wouldn't want to know? Imagine he ended up marrying this girl?

Tell him now!