Standing up to groups

NoobSaibot5

Hey guys, I'm not too sure if this is the right part of boards to be posting in but I literally couldn't find anywhere else I could put it up.

Basically, I'm in my last year of college and I find that I have to work in teams quite a bit. Normally that's no bother at all but I don't have an easy relationship with my classmates, they've formed a bit of a clique and within the 9 students in the class they form two thirds of the number. Whilst I'd get along with them on an individual basis, in groups they completely shut down my input or opinions and often make key decisions for projects amongst the 6 of them without consulting or informing me (usually in their own time when they meet for lunch or coffee, outside of meetings).

Whenever I try stand up to them about it or get my own point across, they immediately all raise their voice at me at the same time and cut across what I'm saying. I've been finding that I'm at the point now I don't speak up or make suggestions solely because I know I'm going to be shut off for it, it's just easier to stay silent rather than contribute, and it's bothering me a huge deal. I seriously need some sort of advice or feedback as to how I can effectively stand up to them and make my voice heard, because it frustrates me so much that I'm obliged to work with people who dismiss me constantly.

Does anyone have any advice as to how I can improve this situation? Or what way to approach them?

Eliot Rosewater

Moved to PI from Humanities, hope it's okay.

ER.

looksee

They are the ones that are supposed to be acting as a team, and being inclusive. If you cannot make any impression on them would it be possible in your own report to put (quite diplomatically) that your approach would have been to do 'something', but the team had decided to do 'something else'.

Don't fling accusations around, keep it very calm and professional, but find ways of saying that your contributions were ignored. You can say without any further comment that such a decision was reached at an informal meeting in the canteen which you were not informed about.

In the meantime rather than argue about your points, could you say to the team members that it is not in the spirit of teamwork to go off and have private meetings - proper records of meetings and decisions should be kept - which should state who attended and when the meeting was held, and if you are not included, then you have a perfect right to complain about that.

gugleguy

I experienced this in a different context, in Role Playing Game at a rpg convention. I won't name the location. My own opinion was constantly forgone in favor of the dominant/alpha male who took upon himself to call the shots for the rest of the players in this game. Does a certain individual seem to predominate op? The "clique" word turned a light on in my head.

Merkin

Easier said than done perhaps but you're going to need to be more assertive. Choose the language you use carefully. Speak loudly and clearly and tell them when it's your turn to talk and that you'd rather not be interrupted. Don't be afraid to be confrontational. If someone cuts across you ask them "why don't you find my suggestion pertinent"? Or tell them they can give feedback when you've finished speaking. Don't sit there seething. Speak up - you're input is just as relevant as everyone else.

NoobSaibot5

gugleguy wrote: »

I experienced this in a different context, in Role Playing Game at a rpg convention. I won't name the location. My own opinion was constantly forgone in favor of the dominant/alpha male who took upon himself to call the shots for the rest of the players in this game. Does a certain individual seem to predominate op? The "clique" word turned a light on in my head.

YES!! Can't believe someone else actually got this, yes there is one who leads the gang. In this case it's a she (I'm one of 2 guys in the class) and she's got two tactics in getting what she wants: From either acting like you're decision or influence is detrimental to the rest of the groups interests and guilting you out of suggesting it, or by airing "concerns" amongst her friends (really though she just bitches about whoever it is she wants whenever they leave the room or aren't around to defend, she's been caught numerous times raising "concerns" about people when her opinions are quite spiteful).

Normally I'd consider myself quite outspoken and I've no problem letting people know when I disagree with them but in this case it's literally 6 people against 1 whenever I open my mouth. It's very much "agree with me and do as you're told" attitude which I thought I'd gotten past in primary school years ago.

I know it's easy to say "be more assertive", but it's very hard confronting a number of people who seem determined to have it their own way.

Diziet

I think you should bring this up with your tutor/lecturer. It is important that they know when teams are dysfunctional in this way.

Monkey Allen

A person in charge rarely suggests the ideas, more listens to them from the others and controls the discussion so it doesn't go off topic or into an argument. They also look for agreements and ask for votes on whatever is suggested.

In your situation, as no-one seems to be doing that, if you hear of an idea/suggestion, question is making it clear that you only want to have the idea clear in your head. You can ask questions on potential flaws and then suggest other ways around these flaws. This isn't to try and discard an idea but it will then give you an opportunity to voice your idea. If they shoot you down, keep to the same tactics. You might even end up siding with them because you see how their idea/suggestion could work better than yours. It will also give you a position in the group as the person who's willing to properly investigate. It could even promote you to this chairperson position over time.

Takes some guts to do that but you either want it or you don't.