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Advice & Experience needed on 15yr old

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  • 11-02-2013 2:55pm
    #1
    Posts: 0


    I have a 15 year old son in Junior Cert. Recently he was caught with a friend robbing €200 worth of electronic cigerettes from a supermarket. Guards were involved and he got suspended from school. It not the first time as 2 years ago he was caught stealing as well.

    I grounded him until after his results from his mocks came through and confiscated his phone and iPOD. I also told him he has to pay back the money plus another €450 he managed to withdraw from his college fund in the credit union.
    He refuses to be grounded and goes out with his friends, so I have confiscated his XBOX and Laptop.
    I have tried sitting down and discussing it all with him (without getting angry) but he refuses to discuss anything and says I cannot keep him from going out. He really is going through a rebellious phase.

    What else can I do to get through to him? I am thinking about telling him that I will sell his laptop and XBOX to repay the money if he continues to disobey me. Thought, suggestions etc welcome.
    I have 5 children of which he is the eldest. No issues at all with the others.


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    but he refuses to discuss anything and says I cannot keep him from going out.
    Yeah you can. Lock the doors, never allow him to be alone on his own. Text his friends and tell them that if they come near the house, you'll ring the Gardai.
    If he does manage to escape, you track him down in your car, grab him by the scruff of the neck and bring him home.
    I am thinking about telling him that I will sell his laptop and XBOX to repay the money if he continues to disobey me.
    Just do it. He's had enough chances. Sell his phone, ipod, laptop and xbox to repay the debts. Give him a basic phone which can do nothing except make and receive calls to you. Drop him at school in the morning and pick him up after.
    I have 5 children of which he is the eldest. No issues at all with the others.
    Chances are he's just managed to get himself in with a crowd of idiots, of which one or two are influential scumbags. You need to cut him off from them.


  • Registered Users Posts: 22,303 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    seamus wrote: »
    Chances are he's just managed to get himself in with a crowd of idiots, of which one or two are influential scumbags. You need to cut him off from them.
    What if he's the 'influential scumbag'.

    Your situation sounds extremely difficult OP. I think you've gone beyond the need for anonymous online advice. I'd have a chat to your GP, and explain the problems. They'd be better placed to advise on resources available to you.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Its true he had got in with a bad couple of friends and he follows rather than leads.
    I put this up to get advise from other parents of teenage kids.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,252 ✭✭✭echo beach


    Do you know what he spent the 450 euro on? Is is stealing because he needs money for something or just to impress these 'mates'? The answers are important because they will tell you how big this problem is.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭Daisy M


    I have a 15yr old lad and if he were to behave like this I would do all that Seamus suggested and more.

    Have you had a discussion with him about how his behaviour not only effects him but others ie the effect his stealing could have on the shop and staff he stole from?
    Have you looked into doing a parenting course and maybe getting him some outside help?
    Has your son been informed of the consequences ther will be if he is convicted of a crime?

    I would consider this to be a lot more than a rebellious phase, I think you need to get on top of this before he goes off the rails altogether.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,602 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    Hi OP
    My heart goes out to you-raising teenagers is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do,and I don't envy you your scenario.

    Just curious as to why he was suspended from school?Was it specifically related to this incident,as in,happened when he should've been at school?
    I think he needs as much routine as possible,and being away from school/adult supervision is something he does not need.

    I would agree with the other posters about ensuring he pays back all of the money-even if it requires a small amount over a long period of time.
    He needs to take responsibility for his actions-as do we all.

    Is he involved with sport/any extra curricular activities which will mean he'll have less time on his hands to be hanging around up to mischief?

    Speak with his class tutor/year head at school- see if they have any concerns.
    The amount of money he has taken is a substantial amount-I'd wonder what he needs that for.

    Is there an adult who is close to him whom he can chat with?-this might be worth considering,perhaps.

    Parentline LoCall 1890 927277 or 01 8733500 www.parentline.ie

    Best of luck, and try and give yourself some space/time away from him to clear your head.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Sell the Xbox, Laptop and all his other electronic gadgets anyway. Don't just threaten it. Use the money to pay back what he owes and give anything else to charity. Let him know this has happened.

    Get in contact with the school. I assume the theft took place during school hours and he was mitching or during lunch break etc, hence the suspension. Contact the school, and find out about his behaviour in school. Find out if the school have any sanctions in place for him. Support them if they are willing to put them in place.

    If you or your wife have the time, (if one of you doesn't work) accompany him to school every morning, arrange with the school that he is not allowed to leave the grounds for lunch, even if it means you have to go in and supervise him. Collect him at the end of each day.

    You can ground him. Lock the doors and like was suggested tell his friends to stay away. Ring their families if you have to.

    If your son won't see reason, then you have to get tougher. Follow through with all sanctions you issue. Every time he goes to leave the house drag him back in, more than likely his friends won't want to get involved in a family dispute and will leave him to it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 45 Derinda


    Yep you're going to have to get tough with him. While I would agree with locking front and back doors, I wouldn't agree with locking him into his room or allowing him to be able to lock his room. And like a previous poster said mischief always finds idle hands, so a job at the weekend might be a good idea or alternatively you or your partner spending time with him volunteering with a local group. That way you get to reconnect with him again and show him that there's more to life than the current group of friends and as we all know during teen years friends are your whole world!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,425 ✭✭✭Morag


    Do you have a relative you can send him to live with, even for a week?
    Someone who will enforce the house rules and have him for a guest to give you a break
    and to give him a shock?


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