Neighbour issue

2rkehij30qtza5

Am reeling in shock here.

Our next door neighbour complained us to the bin company saying our bins are always turned over and our rubbish all over the estate! Absolute lies.

Our bins are never turned over, ever. We bring them in as soon as the binmen collect and are very careful about how we keep the property. I have a cleaner who comes every week and we keep the lawns immaculate, plant flowers, powerhose etc. We truly are extremely neat and tidy.

After my baby was born, from the time he was 1.5 -2 weeks old until he was about two months old, the woman next door started sending her children in to me every single day. They would never come in before the baby was born so this was a new thing. At first I let them in. I was not able for them, I was exhausted, trying to breastfeed etc. They would stay an hour or two, wreck havoc on the place and when I'd send them home they would come back a few mins later saying their mammy said they can stay half an hour longer. I couldn't get rid of them and was afraid to offend the neighbour (mother).

After a few 'visits' from these children (aged 4 and 5) I started telling them I was too tired, baby was asleep etc. They wouldn't take no for an answer and used to call up to 7-8 times a day, persistently ringing my bell, hammering my windows & doors, waking me and baby and stressing me out to the extreme.

The mother used to pull up at our driveway and let them out of the car and watch as they kept ringing my bell. One day I bumped into her outside and said very nicely how I wasn't able for her children at the moment with the baby so small. She said back "I told them only to ring your bell twice!". She still continued to send them in after this, I continued to open the door and send them away.

So I began ignoring the door and staying in the kitchen so they wouldn't keep knocking on the front window. It took 3-4 weeks for them to stop.

Since then the mother barely talks to me, won't salute in the car etc.

Then we get a call from the bin company saying how we are causing litter all over the estate. We asked who complained us and the bin co. said it was the woman next door. I can't believe it. It would be one thing if it was true but it's complete lies. Total 100% lies.

We are renting and really want to stay in this house for as long as possible and really want to make a good impression in the area so that if other householders are in contact with the owners they can tell them how well we are keeping the premises. This call has left me sick. I take great pride in how I keep the place and am afraid our neighbour is spreading these lies to the landlord too. I am upset over this actually.


What to do? Nothing and hope it just passes over?..

Roisy7

First I would contact your landlord to give him a heads up incase he hears things back about you.

Second record every incident, no matter how trivial, in a diary so in case you need to go to the gardai.

I am not sure how you should go about telling this woman to leave you and your family alone, but perhaps a letter might do it? You may also want to warn her that you're going to contact a solicitor about the slander, or the gardai if it continues.


Hope this situation improves for you, she sounds like an absolute psycho and the last thing you need with a small baby in the house.

LegacyUser

It's a tough spot to be OP but people like that aren't really known for being open to reason so I'd rule out taking to her and honestly your just playing into her hands by going over and making a scene. I would try if you can to ignore her, be civil say hello etc but don't rise to the bait and I would start recording everything in case you've another call from the bin men. When you bring the bins out take a quick photo on your phone and when you bring them back in take another photo. If the bin company ring and claim you've littered ask for proof and not just the word of one person.

ABajaninCork

I think this neighbour has serious social problems. Who on earth would send their children in to 'visit' with a new mother, without even introducing themselves first? I think the neighbour has serious boundary issues. Perhaps she'd like a new playmate for her kids, but the way she's gone about it is completely inappropriate. And of course the baby's much too young!!

I'd take (dated) photos of the bins and the way you keep your house. If you're renting, the next stop will be the landlord if you're not careful.

I would also have a word with the neighbour. I'm not being funny, but the way you've handled this is very passive aggressive. When the children call again, tell them they can't come in and firmly close the door. Tell the neighbour that telling tales to the council and sending her children round to you is not on. Does the neighbour own or rent their home? If rented, maybe you should have a word with their landlord.

You can of course move out if this gets too stressful, but frankly, I don't see why you should. You've done nothing wrong.

dixiefly

That is a tough one and something you dont want to get in a new place you moved into. Something kinda similar happened to us years ago in which a neighbour asked us to remove some wood from their fencewhich I had helped take down for them so that people coming to view the house would not get a bad impression. I was travelling early the next day and ignored the request and lo and behold a few days later he put a lot of pots and pans etc along the boundary just inside his side. I asked him to remove them but he resused until I removed his wood that I had kept for him. I ignored it for months and eventually moved it in my own good time and he moved his, I think his crap probably effected him more as he was there all the time.

I would find it hard to ignore what she has done. She sounds as if she is a pretty obnoxious person and there is a fair chance that this is not the first time something like this happened. You should reiterate to the company even in writing that this is not of your doing. Do you have a goodn relationship with any of the other neighbours? If you do you should ask to speak to them and tell them ther story and you might get an idea if she has "previous". Based on that you could consider your next action, she is obviously trying to have a go at you and this is one of the few things you can do - pathetic and all that it is.
You should also tell your landlord about the incident, if they are anyway fair minded they will understand your story.

Personally i dont think that you will gain ver much from going around and confronting her, tempting and all that it would be. Perhaps, if she is married, you or someone on your behalf could speak to her husband.

Best of luck and dont get overly worried, these things eventually pass and the truth is that it is her that has the problem.

Daisy M

Why is it the bin companies concern who is causing littering problems in your estate, I would have thought their job is to collect bins and that is it, I cant understand why they would be concerned if you are littering the estate or not. Is it possible this woman has rang them blaming them for letting rubbish drift around and now they are passing the buck and blaming you?

Ring your landlord and let him know what is going on and keep away from this woman.

2rkehij30qtza5

Thank all.
Firstly let me just say that I didn't handle the kids situation in a passive-agressive way.
I spent weeks and weeks (letting them in at first) and then opening the door to them 7-8 times a day, in the middle of breastfeeding I'd have to get up to the door to them, in the middle of naps etc..out to the door telling them ever so nicely that baby is asleep, I'm asleep, trying to feed baby etc etc etc.
Then I met the mother outside and said how I'm not able for the kids at the moment. But literally the very next day I spotted from upstairs pulling up at my gate, letting the kids out and sitting there watching as they pounded on my door and persistently rang my bell.

At that point I thought the only way to deal with this is to ignore the door. So I did and It took a number of weeks of them calling multiple times a day before they stopped.
I don't know how else I could have dealt with it.

Even at the start when I let them in and when they eventually used to go home or is send them home, she used to send them back to me. This all went on from the time my baby was 1.5 weeks old until he was 2 months. Since then she ignores my waves, might reply hello the odd time but coldly.

And then this from the bin company. I don't get it. She's obviously hacked off that I didn't let her children in anymore. What does she expect? I was tormented by them. They also used to play nick-nack on my door...ie ringing it and running away. It was hard enough trying to rest, look after new baby and get feeding established without having to mind two other children aswell. I was sending my two year old to Montessori so I could look after the baby and then they were being sent in to me. I even told the mother that my daughter was not in when I told her i wasn't able for her boys. Her reply was that the boys would call at 5pm when she was home! Like I'd be able for a 1.5 week old, my 2 year old and her two children?!!! What the heck?!

Anyway now I'm just upset. Because I don't want to be turfed out of this house with a neighbour spreading rumours about myself and my husband being dirty etc.

And I don't like that this woman has told the bin company that we specifically are dirtying the estate. Her bins are ironically always overflowing! Ours never are. I just don't understand some people. In a million years I wouldn't do a thing like she did.

ABajaninCork

OK. So how do you want to handle this? You're completely within your rights not to allow the kids (or anyone else) in your home if you don't want to. You shouldn't have to justify anything to anyone. I have no idea why this woman's behaving the way she is. If anything, if she was a good friend or neighbour, she should be offering to help you!!

I would completely ignore her now. Don't bother to wave/salute her or anything.

Like others have said. Have a word with your landlord - give him a heads up on what's going. Another poster suggested keeping a diary of events, telling the neighbour a solicitor's letter will be sent if this continues.

dixiefly

Yes, not surprising that her bins are probably worse.

As suggested, take some photos of yours and their bins as evidence if needed.

She is trying to get at you and has very little ammunition so, as suggested, tell your landlord. If possible try and find out what the neighbour on your other side thinks of this (if you feel she is not pally wally with the psycho.)

Skinnykenyan

Photograph her overflowing bins and send them to the bin company.

2rkehij30qtza5

Skinnykenyan wrote: »

Photograph her overflowing bins and send them to the bin company.

They use a different bin company. Anyway I'd never get into tit-for-tat. I wouldn't be doing what she did to me. But I will photograph her bins from my house for my own records.

ETA: they also leave loads of stuff on the ground out beside their bins. I've never batted an eyelid but I only mention it as I find it incredibly ironic that someone who does this has the cheek to complain about people whose bins are always closed!

Honey-ec

This is exceedingly odd. What in God's name did she think the bin company was going to do?

2rkehij30qtza5

Honey-ec wrote: »

This is exceedingly odd. What in God's name did she think the bin company was going to do?

No idea whatsoever. It's v strange alright!

Cerulean Chicken

Honey-ec wrote: »

This is exceedingly odd. What in God's name did she think the bin company was going to do?

I wonder did she think they'd contact the landlord and the OP would get warned etc?

ncmc

Galwaygirlee, I would be quite slow to approach the neighbour about this, it’s all very well to say ‘talk to her’ and that would work with most rational people, but she does not sound like a rational person. In fact, she sounds like a total crazy! So I would be wary about approaching her.

As others have said, start documenting every contact you have with her or her kids. Speak to your landlord ASAP and explain what is happening. Offer him the option of coming around and seeing how well you keep your house. I can’t imagine any landlord would evict a tenant over the word of a neighbour unless you were literally wrecking the place and they had very solid evidence to back up their claims.

I would totally avoid this woman. Have nothing to do with her or her children. Hopefully she will get bored and move on to plaguing someone else.

Big Bag of Chips

To be honest, I'd do nothing.

If your house & bins are as neat as you say then all it will take is for the landlord, or litter warden, or whoever she wants to get you in bother with, to take one look and realise that she is lying.

She wanted a free babysitter. She's annoyed at you for not taking the job!

Ignore her, I wouldn't even bother waving or saying hello in future. It might feel awkward at first, but you'll be surprised how easy it is to ignore someone!

If she keeps it up, then a quick visit to your community garda asking them to have a word, might be enough to make her cop on.

seamus

Really weird woman.

Maybe somewhere in her bizarre mind she thought that since you were at home all day with the new baby you had time to look after her kids or something.

Ring your bin company again and tell them to make a note on their system that this woman is a crank caller and her complaints should be politely dismissed. Same with your landlord, though he's probably well aware of what she's like.

As ncmc says then, avoid having anything to do with her if you can help it. Forget about waves or hellos or whatever. It can be worth talking to the neighbour on the other side to see if they've had issues with this woman, but tread carefully - if the other neighbour is the gossipy type, this can backfire and you get pegged as a troublemaker.

2rkehij30qtza5

Thanks for all the advice, appreciated.

Calhoun

Daisy M wrote: »

Why is it the bin companies concern who is causing littering problems in your estate, I would have thought their job is to collect bins and that is it, I cant understand why they would be concerned if you are littering the estate or not. Is it possible this woman has rang them blaming them for letting rubbish drift around and now they are passing the buck and blaming you?

Ring your landlord and let him know what is going on and keep away from this woman.

This, i assume like myself you have the pleasure of paying for your bins. I'd politely tell the company she is crazy or otherwise tell them where to go as they are not the litter warden.

username123

Just totally ignore her. She is just some nutjob. If she tries to speak to you at all simply say 'go away nutjob' and walk away.

I cant believe you let the kids in at all in the first place. Why on earth did you do that? If my neighbours kids knocked on my door I wouldnt even open it. I do think you were passive aggressive about this, on the occasion where you told her you were not able for the kids and then you spotted her out the window the very next day you should have gone out and asked her what she was doing there and then and told her in no uncertain terms that you would be reporting her to the guards for harrassment if she continued to harrass you.

On the bins, the bin company is not the litter warden. If the bin company contact you again tell them the neighbour is a heroin addict and if they continue to bother you you will change services for a company who doesnt bother you - Im a bit surprised at the bin company contacting you tbh - they are not the litter warden and have no authority over you, I would strongly consider sending them a letter of complaint that they presume to take you to task on anything.

Merkin

This woman is clearly bat-sh1t crazy. Don't engage with her. Pretend she doesn't exist (and that also goes for her children). Have as little to do with them as possible and just keep a record of all nut job behavior or harassment so that if you do need to take this further at any stage then you can. I'd also document everything, that includes a letter to the bin company. I'd also maybe have a word with your landlord as a per-emptive move so that any crazy behaviour/potential spurious complaints have been red-flagged already.

Neyite

Her sending the kids around to you was clearly to get them out from underfoot and have a few hours peace and quiet for herself. What a neck though.

From your username, are you in Galway? If the bin company contact you again explain that this woman has a grudge against you, and that is why you were accused. Surely the bin men on your route would know if your bin was overflowing or not, so the company could ask its staff? Galway is small like that in a lot of respects.

I wouldnt worry too much about the landlord having a bad impression - there is a good chance that they are well aware from other neighbours or previous tenants what the woman is like, but its no harm to give the landlord the head up on it. We have often been told by a landlord that so-and-so in number X down the road is a bit of a pain in the ass and not to pay any heed.

If you asked other new mothers in the estate, I'd put money on it that she sent her kids around to them too at some point. But, I would stay away from her and her children, she sounds awful

2rkehij30qtza5

Thanks for all your comments.
The reason I let them in first is I suppose so as not to offend the mother and I was caught on the hop too...I was all over the place with a brand new baby, exhausted, had been v sick for the full pregnancy and I suppose I didn't want to offend the neighbours being the big issue.

But when they KEPT calling I knew I had to say it. So I said it when I saw her, as in, I told her I wasn't able for the children. When this request was ignored it was only THEN that I began to not open the door.

Half the time i couldn't open the door anyway due to feeding etc. etc. I don't see how that can be perceived to be passive agressive. I did tell the mother how I wasn't able for them first but it didn't stop the whole thing and I couldn't think what else to do. I was incredibly stressed. The children had two friends over on a playdate once and she even sent the 4 of them in to me!!!!! Can you imagine. My baby was only a few weeks old. I didn't let them in but answered the door 8 times to them that day. It was awful. Then they started knocking on my door and running away. I'm not blaming the children, they are only young afterall.

Haven't heard from the bin company since but did ask my mother to come over & bring in the bins after they were collected this week as we would be at work and then they wouldn't be brought in until the evening. It's a pain but what can we do?!

Haven't seen the woman since in the car or anything. I'm not going to go near her about it I have decided. I'm not starting any kind of aggro between us because if she wants to cause hassle by involving a bin company in something that has nothing to do with us and try and blame us for something that has absolutely nothing to do with us, then that's her problem.

Our only concern is that she would tell these lies to the landlord and we are still mulling over what to do on this front. As I said, we keep the property pristine and would hate the landlord to get a false bad impression of us.

I suppose the whole thing has just baffled me as I'm the polar opposite of this woman. In a million years I wouldnt send in my children to a new mother nor would I ever complain about a neighbour like that (unless it was genuinely justified and I'd exhausted other avenues first I guess).

Anyway bottom line is myself and my husband are disappointed that our neighbour has chosen to behave like this towards us. We just keep ourselves to ourselves, are pleasant and civil always. Don't deserve this in our opinion.

P. Breathnach

Hi, Galwaygirlee.

I don't think that you need to make excuses here for not opening your door when it does not suit you. Neither do I think it a good idea to escalate a skirmish into full-scale warfare. Minimise your contact with your neighbour.

There have been two things suggested here already that I think you should do:

• Tell the bin company that the complaint about you was malicious. Think about how they communicated to you. If it was as information ("Your neighbour said...") that might be acceptable. If it was some sort of warning to you ("You have done this... ") that is far from okay, and they should be told firmly that their communication was inappropriate.
• Tell your landlord. The reason for that is to protect yourself from other malicious complaints.

ABajaninCork

You're right. From what you've said, you've done NOTHING wrong. Your neighbour is more than a little crazy IMO.

I'd still go with the idea of giving the landlord a heads up. Just in case she tries anything with him. I know it's hurtful when this behaviour has come out of nowhere, but you're really allowing this idiot woman more time and head space than she deserves. Just ignore the silly cow, concentrate on your lovely new baby and leave her to it.

We live on an estate too. We all take in each other's bins if the neighbour concerned isn't there for whatever reason. If there's no-one to take in the bin, then I'd leave it until either you or your husband are there to do it. I wouldn't pander to her any more.

If the bin company calls again, tell them either provide proof or sod off and mind their own business.

2rkehij30qtza5

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Hi, Galwaygirlee.

I don't think that you need to make excuses here for not opening your door when it does not suit you. Neither do I think it a good idea to escalate a skirmish into full-scale warfare. Minimise your contact with your neighbour.

There have been two things suggested here already that I think you should do:

• Tell the bin company that the complaint about you was malicious. Think about how they communicated to you. If it was as information ("Your neighbour said...") that might be acceptable. If it was some sort of warning to you ("You have done this... ") that is far from okay, and they should be told firmly that their communication was inappropriate.
• Tell your landlord. The reason for that is to protect yourself from other malicious complaints.

1.Thanks, yeah might just ring the bin company too and see what has happened since. We asked them to relay to the neighbour that we are not dirtying the estate.
2. We don't have direct contact with the landlord, only an agency....so it's a hard one as we don't even know how to directly contact the landlord whereas neighbour would know landlord as landlord used to live at the house we rent. Half afraid to involve landlord/agency in something that they may not even know about thereby alerting them to an "issue" (us being dirty) that doesn't even exist if you know what I mean?!

Arrrgh...it's all so annoying. Wish I could just bury my head and it all to go away! Maybe it will?... I wonder if even contacting the bin company is aggravating a situation which shouldn't even BE a situation!!!

looksee

Can you see the difference between asking the bin company to tell the neighbour that you are not dirtying the estate - ie responding and getting involved in the discussion, and telling the bin company that the report is malicious and its not their business anyway - ie putting your side and then getting out of the discussion.

As to the children, not much you can do about them except ignore, ignore, ignore. They are not responsible for their nut case mother.

Let the agency know in a brief, clear letter, just stating simple facts and not offering any excuses or justifications. The details of the problem are not important, the fact that the mother is harassing you is. Don't expect an immediate response, but if enough neighbours complain the agency might have opportunity to do something about it.

username123

Orion Acidic Self-sufficient wrote: »

1.Thanks, yeah might just ring the bin company too and see what has happened since. We asked them to relay to the neighbour that we are not dirtying the estate.

Why? Tell them to sod off and threaten to change bin provider. Theyve no business ringing you over some nutjob neighbours complaint.

If the ESB phoned you and said a neighbour said you were dirtying the estate youd tell them where to go and possibly expose them to local media at the same time. Why is it different to the bin providers? They are not in any moral or legal authority over you!

dixiefly

If it was me I wouldnt be getting my mother over to bring in the bins. At least half the bins in the country are left out through the day until the evening. by asking her to come you are indirectly admitting that there is a problem and that the nutjob was correct. Also, the nutjob will see your mum and it will self validate her actions.

I dont think I would have asked the bin company to explain your situation to the nutjob either. It is none of the bin company's business and they should be told that after being appraised of the correct facts.

If it was me i would be trying to find out more about how to contact the landlord. Dont underestimate that you are a valuable commodity for the landlord - all you have to do is search for some of the threads on the actions of people renting places. the landlord might well have had negative experiences at the hands of that woman. I dont know if it is your right but it should be your right that you have contact details for your landlord.

username123

dixiefly wrote: »

I dont know if it is your right but it should be your right that you have contact details for your landlord.

I think if the OP is dealing with an agency then that is as much as they are legally obliged to know. Agencies are usually being paid a fee by landlords to look after the property so that the landlord doesnt have to deal with the property directly. Its enough to for the OP to threaten the agency that they will leave (if she wishes), the agency wont get paid if the place isnt rented out, and they have the hassle and expense of getting new tenants.

2rkehij30qtza5

Thanks again for input.
Yeah prob shouldn't be asking my mother to take in the bins. I guess it was just our way to try and stop further hassle/false accusations...although thinking about it, why would it stop anything?! Won't ask my mum to do it again, you are all totally right.

OUTDOORLASS

Just had a thought......cd she have behaved in a similar manner to the previous tennants in your house......cd u maybe
enquire discreetly from someone u feel safe to discuss it with on the estate..?? a leopard never changes his spots....!!

2rkehij30qtza5

OUTDOORLASS wrote: »

Just had a thought......cd she have behaved in a similar manner to the previous tennants in your house......cd u maybe
enquire discreetly from someone u feel safe to discuss it with on the estate..?? a leopard never changes his spots....!!

This is the first time our house has been let out and to be honest I wouldn't go around saying anything to other people in the estate..don't want to be seen as stirring any trouble and wouldn't like to be seen to be b*tching to the other neighbours either, think it would reflect badly on us.

Clive

OP if this is the first time the house has been rented you may have just run into one of those people who hate renters. First the kids tormenting you, now complaints to the bin company.

I'd keep a record of the neighbour's antics and ignore her otherwise.

As for the bin company I'd tear strips off them. Send a registered letter to the manager with the details of the call you received and ask for them to issue their complaint in writing as you are considering legal action. If they are accusing you of a crime, it's a serious matter. I'd be pretty sure that whoever in the office took it upon themselves to act the litter warden will be hauled in to the boss to explain their actions and you'll get a nice apology letter to file away.

CaraMay

Op you really need up grow a backbone. Why would you let a strangers kids into your home when you are bonding with your new baby? Why also are you dragging your mother over to move the bins? I understand its a nice house but there are plenty of nice houses and you are being walked over. Ignore this looney and concentrate on your new baby.

Neyite

I do agree you need to stand up for yourself. Getting your mother around is madness! I'm glad you are not doing it again.

Look, Galway is full of renters. And students. So there are a lot of unsavoury renters out there. You are overestimating the opinion of the owner and the agency. They really could not give two hoots as long as your rent is on time, and you are not coming to the attention of the Gardai.

So, as I said, stand up for yourself. Call the agency and tell them you have a nuisance neighbour- dont be apologetic, but ask them what they will do. (probably nothing, as I have found agencies to be pretty useless, but at least they have your side of it first) Nobody is going to throw you out on the basis of one unfounded allegation. If you are accused of anything again, calmly ask them to prove it. If they cant, and see all the complaints are coming from the same woman, they will see it as harassment. And that is a matter for the community Garda.

You are worrying far too much. Just avoid the crazy lady, and try to make friends in your neighbourhood.

Spanish Eyes

Apart from the hassle, I would be quite concerned for the kids.

They know no better of course, but are being manipulated by their mother. Imagine a mother getting her kids to drive you crazy all day.... Something's up. And it's not normal behaviour at all.

Is there a Dad around with them?