Ex girlfriend wants to meet up.

dreamvisions

My ex girlfriend has made contact with me, wanting to meet up. The thing is she is currently seeing some one. Some one whom was the main causes of the break up.She was working with this chap and getting lifts home off him, heading out on work nights out, while not making contact with me, saying shes staying in friends and not contacting me for the night ! And i dumped her, but was unsure if she was cheating or not! She told me she'ed never do that! but stright after that she was seeing him!Shes telling me that they are more friends than anything else, and that hes just not me. Am not sure how to approch this really, for I still have strong feelings for her, and really want to see her. She tells me she really misses me, and cant stop thinking of me! I have wanted to meet up with her in the past, but she never wanted to for she was with this new guy! I just feel if shes doing this on him she could later do it on me ? Some advise needed.

Thanks

Herrick

Ok well firstly you say this guy was the cause of the breakup, so I'm assuming she left you for him? I don't have anything else to go on, so I'll go on that assumption unless corrected.

Sounds like she's tried him out and it isn't suiting her so she's coming back to you. I'd personally tell her to get lost, the cheek of her.

Also if she went off on this other guy she's already done it too you so she def doesn't sound like a keeper mate.

dreamvisions

Well she was working with this chap and getting lifts home off him, heading out on work nights out, while not making contact with me, saying shes staying in friends and not contacting me for the night ! And i dumped her, but was unsure if she was cheating or not! She told me she'ed never do that! but stright after that she was seeing him!

Herrick

Oh yes I remember your threads. Look I remember your head wreck at the time, do you really think you need to go back there?

From what your other threads said it didn't look too good. Tbh I know you had no concrete proof, but if she was spending so much time with, ignoring you and then started seeing him after you dumped her, it def sounds like she was having at least some sort of emotional affair as they call it.

I'd honestly be in the camp of she realized the grass isn't greener and is crawling back. You said she was in another country for work, is there any chance she's moving home and trying to set herself up with you again?

Confused1982

Herrick wrote: »

Oh yes I remember your threads. Look I remember your head wreck at the time, do you really think you need to go back there?

From what your other threads said it didn't look too good. Tbh I know you had no concrete proof, but if she was spending so much time with, ignoring you and then started seeing him after you dumped her, it def sounds like she was having at least some sort of emotional affair as they call it.

I'd honestly be in the camp of she realized the grass isn't greener and is crawling back. You said she was in another country for work, is there any chance she's moving home and trying to set herself up with you again?

She may not have done anything physical with this other guy when she was seeing you but she did have an inappropriate relationship with him. If she can treat you like this once she can do it again. It might put your mind at ease to meet her and listen to what she has to say. You might realise when you meet her actually your feelings aren't as strong as you think they are. We tend to exaggerate people qualities and she might not be as wonderful as you remember her to be.

catallus

dreamvisions wrote: »

My ex girlfriend has made contact with me, wanting to meet up. The thing is she is currently seeing some one. Some one whom was the main causes of the break up.She was working with this chap and getting lifts home off him, heading out on work nights out, while not making contact with me, saying shes staying in friends and not contacting me for the night ! And i dumped her, but was unsure if she was cheating or not! She told me she'ed never do that! but stright after that she was seeing him!Shes telling me that they are more friends than anything else, and that hes just not me. Am not sure how to approch this really, for I still have strong feelings for her, and really want to see her. She tells me she really misses me, and cant stop thinking of me! I have wanted to meet up with her in the past, but she never wanted to for she was with this new guy! I just feel if shes doing this on him she could later do it on me ? Some advise needed.

Thanks

If you feel strongly for her then of course you should meet her; but you should open your eyes and see that she is lying directly to your face when she said she misses you and can't stop thinking of you. If that were even slightly true then she wouldn't have run off in the first place. She didn't entertain the thought of meeting you when you wanted.

But if you feel you can deal with that then you should take her back.

Holsten

DO NOT MEET UP WITH HER!

Reading that it seems there is a very high chance she did cheat on you. Even if she didn't, why would you even want to meet up with her after her leaving you for this guy?

She might be bored with this guy and now wants you back, but you should not even give her the chance in my view.

dreamvisions

Thanks for taking time to reply. I suppose some part of my mind still feels strongly for her, while the other wants to walk away and move on. I have spent countless hours recreating diffrent scenarios to why she did what she did. It does seem as if she is bored, and when we do talk over the phone etc, its allways very short and the thoughts of him with her are allways on my mind which leads to a very unconstructive covo. I am heading more towards not seeing her, but that apart of me still wants to see her, and for the frist time talk to her face to face about what had happend to see what her reaction are. This has all come out of the blue also, with me doing 90% of the chasing

catallus

If you don't mind me asking; why are you interested in what she has to say? If you are really into her and willing to give her another shot then that's fine, as long as you're willing to take the risk of her doing the same thing again when she gets bored....

Only you can decide what's the right thing to do, just have your eyes open.

dreamvisions

thanks for your reply. I suppose we never really got to talk in person, and as good as the communication technology is these days, its no substitute for face to face communication. I can read some one pretty well, however when texting, emailing or skpeing i feel mis communitcation can happen. So when I do see her, i want to be able to read her. But you are right only i can decide.

catallus

Best of luck. But don't over-estimate your "reading" abilities; if you do have feelings for her then they'll over-ride any common sense you have.

Like I said, good luck with it.

dreamvisions

haha This is true i will prob melt in to a puddle of mush when I see her :P Thanks again

IrishEyes19

this girl is definately not happy with the current bf. Dont be fooled into thinking otherwise. Could she do this to you, she probably did, OP, with her current bf. It is strange that soon after the day you dump her, she's in the arms of another. Just be wise to the fact that things arent rosy in her current relationship. Question why now she has decided to make contact. would I meet up. No. I would tell her this and wish her well. Imagine for a moment the position of her bf right now. Probably oblivious to her wanting to see you and divulging personal information about her relationship with him to you.
Not nice really. Not sure I'd want to date someone like that.

willow tree

You sound lovely, you can do better. If she's not happy with this guy, why isn't she single? She seems to sneak around & untrustworthy. Good luck, hope you find genuine happiness with someone who deserves you.

stateofflux

she most likely will want to get back together to dump you. if you want to get dumped then meet up as you will be unable to control your emotions.

im confused again

You've done the hard thing by splitting up. Move on and forget her. She behaved totally inappropriately. Find somebody that will respect you and that you can trust.

Taltos

OP - I am with the don't go there brigade.

a) she is with someone else
b) she treated you like crap
c) this is all about an EGO BOOST for her...

Seriously, wipe and block her number and get on with your life. If you do mistakenly answer the phone offer to call around and meet her at her BF's house/local for a quick cup of tea. Not kidding here, she does not have any of your interests at heart here - it is all about getting you back on the hook to help her feel better about herself.

dreamvisions

Thanks for your reply willow tree We talked, and she still maintains that she was not cheating! Circumstances surrounding it all point to cheating or motavation to cheat. But i have decided not to meet up with her! She has been playing me for a fool and knew I was just putty in her hands! So i have taken the stance of saying, I dont think it would be fair on her current boyfriend to meet up! As much as i resent him, but more over resent her even more for her actions during and after. And if I did see her I know i would not be able to control my emotions, and it would bring me to a place that i dont want to be ever again! Am going on a date for the frist time in six months this week, which is a big step for me! thanks for your support

dreamvisions

Thanks for the reply, Your right here, Its like ground hog day when she calls me! She gets what she wants out of the conversation, after i stroke her ego suddenly has to go and do somthing! Leaving me high and dry! Shes also put her current boyfriend down many times!When she knows i am not biting the hook she will call, put up old pictures of places we been on instagram and say things like such a great day! I really need to put this puppy to sleep and move on with my pupose in life! Its draining at this stage. Thanks once again for your advise, and the tip about going around to the boyfriends great haha

IrishEyes19

dreamvisions wrote: »

Thanks for your reply willow tree We talked, and she still maintains that she was not cheating! Circumstances surrounding it all point to cheating or motavation to cheat. But i have decided not to meet up with her! She has been playing me for a fool and knew I was just putty in her hands! So i have taken the stance of saying, I dont think it would be fair on her current boyfriend to meet up! As much as i resent him, but more over resent her even more for her actions during and after. And if I did see her I know i would not be able to control my emotions, and it would bring me to a place that i dont want to be ever again! Am going on a date for the frist time in six months this week, which is a big step for me! thanks for your support

dont waste your time resenting him. I know he's with your ex, but your connection was with her, not him. So its her you should resent if you feel you have to. At the end of the day, he's a guy who mutually got with her, she had a choice in it. And look, she's now playing the same stunt on him and trying to get back with you. Well done and have a wonderful first date. I hope it goes great. welcome back to the dating scene and have a blast!!

willow tree

Our ex's can be our teachers in life. Sounds like you've learnt & you're moving forward in the right way.. enjoy date/dates!