Insecure about my intelligence

LegacyUser

The first thing I'll say is, I get called intelligent quite a lot, and have done since I was a child. I'm in college as a mature student now, I became depressed as a teenager, didn't really bother with school and eventually dropped out of college. In the results for last semester, I got 2nd highest marks in the class. But still I feel the limits of my intelligence greatly. Even sitting in tutorials, the teacher tries to engage the class by asking questions/problems. My mind doesn't seem to work at the same speed as the other people in the class.

I have attributed that to being an introvert, and working out problems internally rather than voicing my thought processes like a lot of people in the class. Because when I sit down to do the problems by myself, it seems to go okay, even if I'm not completely in the clear, it seems to click together at the back of mind somehow. However, this could be a load of crap for all I know.

The area I'm most interested in academically is known for being 'hard' - and although I want to learn about it I feel like I don't have the intelligence to take it on fully. At the moment I'm sitting here, procrastinating for the whole weekend in getting down to study. I feel at the root of this procrastination a lack of belief in myself.

I could never say outright I was clever, because I feel quite stupid most of the time. It gets me down as I feel like my mind is like a prison to understanding. At the same time, (I don't really like saying it as I feel quite elitist) I get frustrated sometimes with my friends or people I know, as I feel them closed minded/limited in some areas.

I have racked my brain in trying to find a root of this issue...I don't remember anyone ever calling me stupid in my childhood for example. It's in my mind everyday however and I wish I could just forget it.

Thanks for reading.

P. Breathnach

Some quick observations:

• Intelligence is complex, and can manifest itself in different ways.
• People process things at different speeds, but the faster reaction is not necessarily the more intelligent one.
• Mental performance can be affected by environmental factors, and most particularly by other people in the environment.

In short, you have not presented a case for your being considered unintelligent.

judgefudge

Sounds like "imposter syndrome"

changeling

sounds like you are afraid of being judged as you have judged others in the past for being ''closed minded/limited'' and this prevents you from speaking out in front of others, drop the judgements, be open yourself to others whether you find their opinions different to your own or not , be compassionate , to others but more importantly to yourself, and don't be so hard on yourself.

were you criticised as a child? compared to others a lot?

blatantrereg

Maybe you just process information better from a textbook than from a lecture.

I'm a lecturer in subjects which are considered hard. Some of the best students when it comes to understanding and applying knowledge don't answer questions in class much. I find that the students who answer the most are usually the ones who are the most confident, have the most pre-existing knowledge, and who are paying attention well. They're not always the same ones who do the best when I set them problems to work out in practicals etc.

The very things you describe as effecting your confidence are just the same things that I would take as indicators that you might do well. It's plain that you try to fully understand the subjects you look at. Most students (and lecturers, I'll admit with my level of anonymity here haha) are more concerned with how to give the appearance of understanding, how to answer an exam question. Faced with a gap in their knowledge, they'll gloss over it if they think it's not relevant to sounding clever, or getting marks on an exam. That [your mindset] is something I would take as both an indicator of intelligence, and also more important than intelligence when it comes to learning subjects considered hard.

You could confront your self doubts and find a proper IQ test online. Might give you a sense of closure, one way or another, and you might be surprised at the result.

Kevster

As was alluded-to earlier, intelligence comes in all shapes and forms. I like to say that mothers are intelligent at raising their children, bus drivers are intelligent at driving buses, et cetera. It then goes without saying that some others amongst us have what we can call 'academic' intelligence - i.e. the ability to think critically about data and to work through solutions by making inferences. As a perfect example, one could say that Albert Einstein had much academic intelligence but lacked skills/intellect in other areas of life.

What you are facing is something that I faced years ago. I had also dropped out of my first college course and had to figure out who I was and how I worked/functioned. If nothing comes to you immediately during course-work, then take time each day to rewrite things in your own words and then learn them. People also call my intelligent - even 'genius' - but I still cannot sit through a lecture and understand what's going on. I need time to think about it.

Kevin

LegacyUser

P. Breathnach: Thanks, I agree on your points. However I do believe that speed of understanding is a factor in intelligence. My problem also may come from that I feel inadequate in social intelligence.

judgefudge: I just looked that up, interesting, it might apply to me.

changeling: Well, I also feel like you are judging me at this moment! I don't really like voicing that particular frustration as I get a similar reaction as yours (often worse) from people who I say it to. I don't think I am being judgmental or looking down on people, it's more a simple fact that I feel frustrated in some peoples' minds and thinking sometimes. I'm sure other people have felt the same of me, especially when I was younger.

blatantrereg: What you say makes a lot of sense. I do feel the answering out loud is usually from the same bunch of people, confident and seeming to know a lot more but not doing as well. I was just very surprised at how well I did last semester as compared to everyone else. Because I felt that was more knowledgeable and capable people than me in the class.

Kevster: Nice to know someone can relate. Yes I feel myself sort of spaced out in lectures a lot of the time, still listening but not completely on the ball, but it often sort of just gets processed after some time and makes sense.

IrishEyes19

OP, you are very hard on yourself. You can see for yourself academically you are doing very well marks wise. I think you are comparing yourself against people who speak up in class and that's pointless. We all operate in different ways and I'd imagine it was a bit of a transition coming back as a mature student too, so well done in that respect. Just keep going as you are, you seem to doing very well. Contribution in seminars ect can be assessed in very different ways. People all operate differently. I know when I was in college, the lecturer would question the class in seminars and sometimes my analysis would be different from the majority, same applied to other members of my class. Doesn't mean you are behind or not working at the same speed/level of the class. And if you are consistently doing well in your studies, you have nothing to fear.

As regards friends and intelligent conversation. I think most of hit that problem at some stage in our lives. Not just intellectual differences but interests and hobbies ect. All I can suggest is, do you have any interests that maybe a club/society would cater for?

Roisy7

OP I often felt like that in college too, was very smart in primary school and have felt like my intelligence has nosedived since sixth class!

As Irish Eyes said, there is no point comparing yourself to those who speak up in class, they may not be the most intelligent anyway. What's the saying, empty vessels make the most noise?

I don't know what you're doing in college, but I did Arts, and a lot of it was bull, something I realised early on. I often felt stupid when I didn't understand the lecturer, but by 4th year I noticed that some of the people that talked most in tutorials used a lot to say very little. They threw in big words which I'm betting they didn't really understand to make themselves sound smart.

Be kind to yourself. "Intelligence" isn't the be all and end all. I am not genius, but I'm happy with my intelligence level. Embrace who you are, flaws and all. For example, I'm very proud of the fact that I got through 14 years of school without learning any geometry whatsoever!