How to make friends

LegacyUser

Hi Everybody,

I have a problem that has been festering now for the past 2+ years regarding lack of friends or anybody to go out with, do things with. It was not something that was planned but it just happened. I finished college now almost 3 years ago and found myself back at home and it has left a huge void in my life regarding the amount of friends I have which is practically zero. Also, after leaving college, my 'so called' friends there are completely disinterested in meeting up or doing anything. I have contacted them on so many occasions now for a meetup and it just never happens. (last meet up was 2 years ago) Its gone to the stage now where I am considering cutting loose from them as all I get is a 2 monthly call which seems to be just for news.

After a year of practically doing nothing I did manage to get a job which I was delighted with at the time. My thoughts were that I would find new friends get a social life and possibly move away from home again in addition to the job. When I started I found that most people working there were 10 years + over my age (Im 23) settled down family with kids and it was virtually impossible to find anybody my age to relate with and the social scene was nil for me. Life became a struggle.

As it stands im still working for the company but have reapplied to go back to college as life is not being fulfilled for me where I am at the moment and I dont see it changing for me there. I hope to get back into college but if I do im terrified that its going to be a repeat of life as it is now no friends, no life.

The thing about it is, is growing up I was painfully shy and possibly I suffered from a social disorder but it resulted in me avoided doing thing that I didnt like having to do at that time as I would get extremely stressed about doing it. I therefore always had a very low selection of friends to choose from. It didnt realy bother me until now. Thankfully a lot of my shyness has being confined to the dustbin of history and am more confident in myself as I talk more to people however I am still quiet and blush often.

Now this problem has come up and I dont know what I can do about it. People seem to be content in the groups that they go out with and its hard to break into these. I come home every weekend and all I do is sit in most Saturday nights. I have family but these seem to be disinterested and careless as to my problems. I have been open with them regarding this and although they have been good to me on the odd occasion generally you could count the number of times weve been out together. Im usually refused or am given the cold shoulder as if im in the way.

So, where do I go from here.??? It feels like I have hit brick wall. Its Saturday night and I suppose this is why im writing here. I want to go out but have nobody to call or nobody to call me. Has anybody been in the same situation, and how did you cope with it??? Is it stupid to walk in to pub on your own because its getting to the situation where I will have to do this to keep me sane. As I live in the country there are very few organisations to join unless its the GAA which I never joined in my younger years due to my intense shyness.

Please help....

madchild

Just headout to your local i,m sure someone will chat to ya.
plus if ya actually set up an account here ya might make a few friends or join a forum on a subject you are interested in that might help with meeting people:)

Kevster

Heya, I guess that you could call me a 'new friend'...

I have pretty much felt disconnected from people for my entire life, and certainly never part of a group of friends with whom I went out at weekends. I am nearly 30 years old.

If you make it into your 20s not attached to any particular group of people, then it can indeed be difficult to become attached once again, as many have already settled into their 'nichés' at this point. I wouldn't exactly cut myself loose from your friends from college, if I were you, but you should certainly look away from them and forward in your life.

You said that you have re-applied to go back to college? That's a good move, but be aware that when you do this you'll find many who are younger than you. I went back to college when I was 25 and found myself surrounded by people fresh from school. Far from being a miserable time, however, it was good and they in some regards saw me as their elder and someone in whom they could confide.

Ultimately, I think that you are a bit like me in the sense that you struggle to 'connect' to people on a human level ... ... what I do instead is meet-up with people in cafés as 'one-on-one' encounters and avoid busy places. Know who you are and what your limitations are..

Kevin

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

madchild

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Wait till ya have kids you,ll be sittin in every saturday night.....:(

LegacyUser

Kevster wrote: »

Heya, I guess that you could call me a 'new friend'...

I have pretty much felt disconnected from people for my entire life, and certainly never part of a group of friends with whom I went out at weekends. I am nearly 30 years old.

If you make it into your 20s not attached to any particular group of people, then it can indeed be difficult to become attached once again, as many have already settled into their 'nichés' at this point. I wouldn't exactly cut myself loose from your friends from college, if I were you, but you should certainly look away from them and forward in your life.

You said that you have re-applied to go back to college? That's a good move, but be aware that when you do this you'll find many who are younger than you. I went back to college when I was 25 and found myself surrounded by people fresh from school. Far from being a miserable time, however, it was good and they in some regards saw me as their elder and someone in whom they could confide.

Ultimately, I think that you are a bit like me in the sense that you struggle to 'connect' to people on a human level ... ... what I do instead is meet-up with people in cafés as 'one-on-one' encounters and avoid busy places. Know who you are and what your limitations are..

Kevin

I guess Im majorly disappointed with how my friends from college turned out. At this stage we are drifting apart which I did not want to happen. They know I want to meet up but always decline at the last minute with the usual excuses; that something else came up, cant make it for some other reason. Sometimes they dont even text to tell me. I usually ring to make sure they will be there only to find out there not going to meetup. Everytime they ring its the same thing with them and its just leaving me angry hence the reason to cut away from them but I need new friends to do that which just is not happening.

Its gone to a stage now where it is making me stress and worry about the situation I find myself in. I feel like Im missing out on so much thats happening and that the whole world is just passing me by. Only last week ive broken out in a rash all over my body that I know is directly linked to the situation I have at hand.

I see no end to it at present at least up until the summer when hopefully I will get word that I have secured my place at college and it will hopefully give me some hope. Life has taken a cruel turn for me in the past 2 years. I want and need it to change for the better

madchild

Forget about them they obviously are trying to distance themselves from you so you are better off leaving it be. I feel for ya i really do if i could meself and the girlfriend would organise a meet up with ya for a nite out but it would only be once or twice a year but my advice is to let those people you are only bringing yourself down by worrying about it so move on i know it,s easier said than done but you need to be strong. hope it works out for ya. Best of luck :cool:.

Roisy7

Heya, college can be funny. Sometimes you make the best friends you ever had, but other times there are only people in it for the good times and nothing more. Possibly for every ten friends you make, one might stick around.

It's very ignorant of them not to reply to your messages and let you know they're not going to be there. I wouldn't waste anymore time on people who are capable of doing that.

You're on the right track and please don't let your experiences colour your return to college. I know you have a good while til you go to college, but in the meantime, maybe you could join a club or volunteer? It may be a good way to make friends